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“I made you feel obligated?”
“Yes and no. I wanted to do it, but when the time came, it became real and I had to figure out if I was capable of pulling that trigger or not,” she explained. “Did you have that moral moment when you killed for the first time?”
I thought back to the moments that had led up to killing Zack and Tyson. Memories of Jamie and Louie picking me up from the party, the relief I’d felt when Louie had agreed not to tell anyone what had happened, the way Jamie had held me as I’d fallen apart took over my thoughts. They were bad memories, but it was easier to look back on them and see a tiny bit of good. Louie and Jamie had both been there for me. Remembering those moments and what it felt like to have unwavering trust in them made me envy my younger self. “No. I didn’t have a moral moment,” I told her. “All I felt was anger that someone would kill them for me.”
“See. Badass,” she said, her smile returning. “Besides, I’m going to be eighteen soon.”
“In less than a month,” I said. “And what would you like for your birthday?”
“A motorcycle,” she answered seriously.
“You really are rebelling from your previous obedient life,” I teased as I eyed her low-cut top and ripped jeans. Very slowly and subtly, she had been making changes to her style. She’d used to dress very modestly, almost Stepford-daughter-like. I would’ve been concerned, but I felt who she’d been before I’d taken her from Dylan was how her father, Samuel, had demanded she be. Since I’d taken her into my care, I’d noticed over time that she’d learned how to be comfortable enough to test out who she wanted to be. Given what she had been through, it was an amazing accomplishment for her.
“Is that a no on the motorcycle, then?”
I shook my head with a tiny smile. “Let’s get back on track. What happened when you called Stefan?”
“I found out that he was already on his way. He knew about the shoot-out at the hospital but didn’t know that you were missing. That wasn’t the easiest thing to tell him. Then he showed up with Uncle Conor and Rourke and they took over and had Vincent taken back to Quinn Manor to help find you. After Louie got out of surgery and we were told that he was going to live, Stefan ordered Asher, Finn, Dean, and me to stay and watch over him while he went to go get Jameson.”
“What do the police think happened?”
She shook her head. “I don’t know. I haven’t been included in those discussions.”
I supposed I’d find that out later.
* * *
Brody kept the baby all day and late into the night. During those hours, I tried to separate from my darkness completely. For some reason, I thought if I did, I’d be able to find some piece of the old me in the overflowing pit of agony that used to be my soul. I was unsuccessful. Before Alex Roth had appeared in my bedroom to kill me, my darkness had used to feel like a separate entity that I’d been learning to embrace. Now, it didn’t feel separate at all.
Close to midnight, Jamie was the one to bring the baby back to me. I watched as he walked into my bedroom with a diaper bag hanging from his shoulder and the baby in his arms. It was very domestic given the criminal he was and for some reason that irritated me.
He looked exhausted. By the length of scruff on his face, I’d say it had been a while since he’d last shaved. It bothered me that he was running himself ragged, which just added to my irritation.
His brows rose a little when he saw me sitting up, awake in bed. “Hi,” he said as he set the diaper bag on the dresser.
I forced my voice to sound calm. “Hi.”
He gently placed the baby, who was asleep, in the bassinet. As he tucked the baby in, I got angrier and angrier by the second. I should have felt relieved that he didn’t seem like a threat to the baby anymore. Instead, it upset me that he now cared for him.
Jamie met my eyes for a moment, and I did what I could to mask what I was feeling. He appeared like he wanted to say something to me, but he looked away and made his way over to the chair in the corner of the room. He sat down with an exhausted sigh.
“You don’t need to be here. You should go get some sleep in your own room,” I insisted for his sake, for more than one reason.
He rested the back of his head against the chair and closed his eyes. “You sound like you’re worried about me.”
“You look like hell,” I grumbled.
He opened his eyes with a smirk that made me want to smack his stupid handsome face.
I couldn’t do that from all the way over here, so I used words instead. “Fine. Do what you want. But know that running yourself into the ground isn’t earning you brownie points.”
His smirk dropped and he lifted his head. “You think that’s why I’m here? That the only fucking reason is to earn your forgiveness?”
“Yes, I do.” As soon as the lie left my mouth, I braced for a fight I didn’t even want, yet couldn’t help but start.
He seemed to see through my lie. Instead of getting riled like he normally would, he ran his hands down his face tiredly. “What do you want from me, Maura? You’re the one who told me not to give up on us.”
Knowing that I needed to get away from him, I ripped off my blankets and began climbing out of bed. “So, what? You think that just because you’re not giving up, the road to my forgiveness is going to be smooth fucking sailing?”
