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Jamie got to his feet at the same time I did. “No, I didn’t expect it would be easy, but you’re acting like you don’t want me to try to fight for us at all.”
“Maybe I don’t,” I said under my breath and headed for the bathroom before I made shit worse.
Jamie grabbed me by my arm, stopping me. “There you go running when shit gets too heavy to deal with between us,” he growled. “That’s the only thing that hasn’t seemed to change about you.”
I lost it. The rage inside me needed an outlet and he had just given me one. My hand flew. The sound of the slap bounced off the walls. Jamie’s face was knocked to the side and his cheek was already reddening. He slowly turned his head back to stare at me, eyes burning.
“That’s why I run,” I seethed and tried to yank my arm free from his grasp to no avail. “So I don’t fucking kill you.”
His hand on my arm tightened and he leaned closer, bringing his face inches from mine. “You can’t kill me, baby.”
“There you go again,baby,” I mocked his term of endearment.“You’reunderestimating me.”
He gave me a sardonic smile. “I’m not underestimating you. Despite what I’ve done, you still love me, no matter how much you wish you didn’t.”
With my free hand I shoved him back. All my push did was make his shoulder move a little. “You’re right. I do love you,” I snapped and shoved him harder. This time he moved back a small step. “But I also hate you.” I shoved him again, forcing him back just a little more.
“No, you don’t. You just want to hate me,” he snapped back.
“Yes, I do.” I slammed my fist on his chest. “I hate you for what you did to us.” I started smacking his face, his chest. He tried to block my hits by holding up his arm, but at this point it didn’t matter. I didn’t care where I hit him. I just had to hit him somewhere. So I settled for his arm. “You did this. You broke the last piece of me.” Jamie caught my wrist to stop me from hitting him. “You, Louie, our daughter were my everything.” My voice broke. “Losing her was my fault, but you broke our family and I hate you for it.”
He released my arm and slid his fingers behind my neck, pulling me to his chest and forcing me to look up at him. His other arm wrapped around my lower back, careful of my wounds that weren’t fully healed. “You’re right. It’s my fault. Not Louie’s. Just mine. I was spiraling and I pulled him down with me,” he said with disdain. “But losing our baby wasn’t your fault.”
I shook my head and tried to pull away. He wouldn’t release me.
“You killed who was at fault, Maura.” His words were filled with so much conviction. “If you didn’t believe that to be true, you wouldn’t have spent the past four months killing every one of those Aryan fucks. You did what most couldn’t, and I am so fucking in awe of you.”
With his eyes locked with mine and his beliefs boring into me through them, I wanted to believe what he was saying was true.
He moved his hand from the back of my neck to cup my cheek. “Let go of that guilt, baby.”
I turned my face away from his hand. “Let me go.”
He released me and I backed away. I looked down in an attempt to hide what I was feeling. “Just get some fucking sleep,” I grumbled and started for the bathroom again.
“Are you sure you hate me?” he asked, making me pause.
“If I truly did, it’d make me a hypocrite, wouldn’t it?” I said over my shoulder. I didn’t know why I said that. Maybe it was because I was overwhelmed with the rawness of everything that had just happened or maybe I just didn’t care about the consequences anymore. Either way, what I had said was true. Jamie, I, and even Louie were all guilty of hurting each other. At least what they had done had been out of fear and the need to keep me safe. Louie had gotten shot because of my need for revenge.
“What do you mean by that?” Jamie asked.
I turned slightly so I could see in his eyes that he knew exactly what I meant. “If you insist on not leaving, I’ll get up with the baby tonight,” I said and went into the bathroom.
CHAPTERTEN
The next morning, I was woken by the baby fussing and the sound of a male voice. I opened my eyes just in time to see Stefan scoop the baby out of the bassinet. Stefan handled the tiny human with ease and clear experience as he rocked and bounced his arms a little. Even though Stefan was my father and that was evidence enough that he had experience, I still found it odd seeing him like that.
He caught me staring and a small smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. “I remember when you were this little.”
I sat up in bed, feeling stiff, but not in much pain today. “He’s hungry.”
“A bottle is being made,” Stefan said as he watched me reach for my pain meds on the nightstand. “I’ve asked Brody to hire a nanny.”
I twisted the pill bottle in my hand as I debated if I should even take them. “Why?”
“I have your bottle, little man,” Brody cooed as he walked in with said bottle in hand. He gave me a smile. “How are you feeling today, Maura?”
“I’m fine,” I said as I watched Stefan hand the baby off to him.
