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Her expression faltered, and she glanced over as if I’d said something that made no sense. “WhatIdeserve? What do you mean?”
“I mean that maybe this is your opportunity to date someone who actually gives a shit.” I had no idea why I was bothering to tell her this. The hollow numbness inside me was void of fear, absent of the boundaries that usually held me back. “Someone who isn’t just trying to make you their arm candy.”
Her frown deepened. “Um, yeah, I don’t...that sounds soserious, Manson.” She laughed, putting her makeup away and straightening her ponytail. God, there it was again: the wall. Did she think it hid her emotions? Did she believe I couldn’t read her? Maybe that glass barrier was made of brick in her mind. Perhaps she thought it sheltered her from being perceived.
But I could see right through it. The sadness that lingered on her face, the hurt in her jovial tone, the way she picked apart her own reflection in the mirror. I saw it all.
“Right, I forgot everything that happens in this hellhole is a joke,” I said. I backed up, then turned and headed for the door. I didn’t bother to say goodbye to her. I’d see her again. But staying there, alone with her, was asking for trouble. It gave me too many ideas.
Very,verybad ideas.
I fantasized about her all the time but those fantasies were impossible, and daring to think otherwise was foolish. Being in the same room with her had given me a chubby; my mind filling with visions of bending her over the sink and trailing my fingers under that little skirt.
Christ, I needed to get off. If I hadn’t lost my phone, thanks to Alex, I would have called Lucas to come back and pick me up. The thought of his mouth on me made my cock even harder.
I’d developed a habit of edging for days at a time; something about the careful exercise of control made me feel more centered, even if it wasn’t satisfying. But I always hit a point where I couldn’t handle it anymore, days of pleasure without release leaving me slightly feral.
I’d only taken a few steps down the hall when her voice made me turn.
“Manson! Wait!”
I faced her. She stood outside the restroom, rubbing her wrist repeatedly as she looked at me.
“Do you think that...I mean...” Her voice faltered, and she licked her glossy lips. “Were you saying that, like...you think I deserve someone who cares about me?”
She dragged out those words as if they’d come straight from the pits of hell. She sounded disgusted, insulted...and sad. She sounded so damn sad.
“Of course I do,” I said. The hallway was quiet now, so I lowered my voice. Being out here with her made me nervous, the back of my neck prickling. If Kyle, Alex, or any of his other friends saw this, they’d beat me to a pulp. “Maybe if you were with someone who wasn’t such a dick, you’d actually be happy and act like less of a bitch.”
I didn’t say it to be mean; I was being honest. Again, faux pity didn’t work well for me. Jess rolled her eyes, like I expected her to, and said, “I’m perfectly happy. Why wouldn’t I be?”
I closed the gap between us, and she didn’t step back. She let me stand right there in front of her, close enough to touch.
“A sad person knows what another sad person looks like,” I said. I dared to reach out, brushing my fingers along her cheek to tuck a stray lock of blonde hair behind her ear. Goosebumps prickled over her arms, and my eyes widened. “I hear it in your voice. I see it in your eyes. I feel it when I look at you. You deserve to be happy, but you’ll never find it with the people you’re choosing.”
She was staring at me as if I’d slapped her. Certain that I’d fucked up, I drew back from her. Her heat was too much for me; I’d flown too close to the sun and caught fire.
But if you try to force a plant to grow in a dark room, it will reach for the sun. Even helpless and rooted, with no hope of ever touching the warmth, it will reach because it has to.
She grabbed my jacket, pulling me with her. I stumbled after her in stunned confusion as she tugged me back into the bathroom and shoved me against the wall. Her eyes were so bright and wide with wonder. She was still gripping my jacket, and she was so close...too close.
“What are you doing, Jess?” I said. My palms were sweating, my mind running in chaos. She was pressed up against me, her beautiful lips slightly parted merely inches — justinches— from my mouth.
She smelled like sweet strawberries and cream. I was supposed to control myself, but the more something was forbidden, the more I wanted it. Candy tasted sweeter when you stole it.
I wanted to grab her, dig into her. I wanted to see what her skin looked like, reddened and bruised. I wanted to hear the sounds she made when she was lost in bliss. I wanted to find every point of pleasure and pain on her body and use them.
“Promise not to tell?” she whispered.
“I promise.”
Her eyes kept sliding between holding my gaze and staring at my mouth. Her intentions seemed obvious but she couldn’t possibly want what I was thinking. No, it made no sense.
This beautiful goddess of a woman couldn’t want me.
But Iknewthat look in her eyes, and it roused the monster inside me out of sleep.
I grabbed her arms and reversed our positions, pressing her back to the wall. She exhaled softly, the air between us so charged it made the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. I was panting like I’d just run a mile, my heart hammering against my ribs.
