Page 84 of Losers, Part II


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“Shit.” Lucas chuckled softly. He pulled on my arm, tugging me in front of him so I was squished into a hug between him and Manson. “Don’t tell me y’all were stressed over me? Come on, I’m faster than those fucks.”

“Shut up,” Manson said. “Just...just shut up.”

We held each other in silence. We held tight until the panic subsided, until the sickening dread of loss had finally vanished. And then we held on even longer, because frankly, I simply never wanted to let go.










27 - Jason

“Ishouldn’t have letyou go without me. I should’ve — Goddamn it — I should have been there!”

My scalp ached from how hard I was gripping my own hair. It was just after midnight and I was alone in Dante’s apartment. I wasn’t usually a stress smoker, and the only thing Dante had on hand was pre-rolled joints, but I lit up anyway. The weed helped, but only a little. It could barely blanket my worry after what Lucas had just told me.

“It wouldn’t have made a difference, J.” Lucas sounded so tired. It seemed cruel to keep him on the phone, but I was too frustrated with myself to stop talking.

“IknewI should have gone with you,” I said. “I had a feeling something was going to happen, and it fucking did!”

“You’re psyching yourself out,” Manson said, speaking in the background of the call, as if he were further away from the phone. “You’re exactly where you need to be, dude. Take care of Vincent, okay? Maybe tell him all this after he’s had some sleep?”

“Yeah, I’ll...uh...” I had to pause and take a deep breath. Jesus Christ, I was spiraling. I needed Vincent here. I needed to not be alone. “I’ll do that. You should try to get some sleep.”

“Okay,” Lucas’s voice was so groggy, I could hear him begin to yawn. “You should go to bed, too. Love you.”

“I love you, too.” I nearly begged him not to hang up. But he sounded so tired, and after the day he’d had, he truly needed the rest.

When the call ended, I sank down onto the couch, clutching my phone in my hands. My legs were bouncing anxiously as I stared at the carpet. What could I have done, if I’d been there? I couldn’t have stopped it, but I could have made sure Lucas wasn’t alone, at the very least.

How the hell had it come to this? It was one thing when these guys were just bullies. We could tolerate a few bruises, we’d learned to live with harassment. But trying to run Lucas and Manson off the road? That was attempted murder.

Holyshit, these people seriously wanted us dead.

Time ticked by and I barely noticed. Unable to sleep, and unable to force myself to get up and find a distraction, I sat there lost in my thoughts until the front door suddenly opened.

“Hey, babe. You’re up late.” Vincent tossed his keys on the counter and dumped his bag on the floor, his smile fading as he came closer. “What’s up? What are you doing just sitting there?”

Manson had asked me not to tell him until morning, but that wasn’t possible for me. Keeping my voice low, as calmly as I could, I told him what had happened. About Nate showing up at the show to challenge Manson, how they pursued Lucas when he and Manson were split up. He came to sit beside me, and remained silent as I spoke, absorbing every word with a grim expression. His hand rested on my back, slowly rubbing across my shoulders.

“I should have been there,” I said, after I’d poured the whole story out and nothing remained except my own guilt.

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