AllFreeNovel
Share Us
That was what gave me happiness. That was what brought me joy. And leaving that behind for a job...
God. That was a problem.
“So are you guys doing long-distance?” Ashley said, as if she’d read my mind. But her question alarmed me, because I didn’t have a good answer.
“I...well, I’m not sure,” I said, and she gasped.
“Wait, wait...you’re telling me that you haven’t even discussed what’s going to happen when you move? Jess! What are you doing? You have to talk to them!”
“I know, I know, it’s just —”
“Just nothing! Jess, seriously.” I was actually surprised at how determined her voice became. “Listen to me. I can hear the change in your voice. I can tell how much happier you are, okay? And that’s amazing. I love that for you, and I don’t want you to lose a good thing. Talk to them about it. So what if the conversation is hella awkward? It needs to happen.”
“You’re right, you’re totally right,” I said. “I will. I’ll talk to them.”
I just didn’t know what exactly to say.
As I did the dishes that night, I kept mulling it over. I’d told Manson I loved him, but what about the others? The same feeling was there for me, but what if they didn’t...what if...
A cup nearly slipped out of my hands, and I barely caught it before it shattered in the sink. I leaned against the counter for a moment, turning off the water and taking a deep breath. What if the others didn’t feel the same? That was what I feared. Rejection from Vincent, from Jason...from Lucas.
I put down the cup and pulled off my gloves. My stomach was in knots, and at the forefront of my mind was the desire to talk to someone with more knowledge than me, someone who could offer me advice and tell me which way I was supposed to turn.
I certainly couldn’t talk to my mother about it. Even removing the fact that she was already biased against the boys, her criteria for a good partnership was very different from my own. She believed money, status, and good looks trumped all other attributes. Relationships weren’t about love so much as they were about financial stability and showing off.
But that wasn’t what I cared about.
I thought suddenly of Vincent’s mother, Vera. Her warm smile, her kind, quiet manner. How eagerly and sincerely she’d listened, how she’d made the effort to engage with each of the boys. She’d been so easy to get along with, so kind. I longed to talk to her again and realized that I should have asked her for her phone number while I was over there.
I would ask her next time. Maybe my own family couldn’t offer me the advice I needed, but I’d come to realize that “family” was far more than merely being related by blood.
Collecting the garbage bag from the trash, I carried it out the front door and down to the bins at the curb. Night had fallen, and the streetlights were the only illumination for our quiet cul-de-sac. Holding my breath, I shoved open the trash bin and tossed the bag inside, taking a deep breath again only once the lid was closed.
When I did, I got a lungful of cigarette smoke.
In the shadows across the street, outside the pool of light cast by one of the lamps, was a small faint light. Like the smoldering tip of a cigarette. A figure was faintly visible beyond the little point of light, but it was only a silhouette.
It was impossible to see their eyes in the dark, but I swear they were looking at me.
I’d never seen any of the neighbors walk around smoking. And our neighborhood was out of the way, somewhere people rarely walked through if they didn’t already live here.
So, who the hell was standing in the dark?
They hadn’t moved, but dread crept through every inch of me. It shivered over me as I turned away, forcing myself to walk —don’t run, why did I feel like I needed to run?— back to the front door.
As I reached for the door handle, there came the sound of rapid footsteps from behind me.
With my heart pounding out of my chest, I slammed and locked the door as quickly as I could. My fingers were shaking so much with adrenaline that I put in the wrong code twice as I tried to arm the security system. When ARMED finally flashed across the screen, I went straight into the kitchen and grabbed the biggest knife we had.
Keeping my head low, I peered out the kitchen window toward the front porch. The light was on, illuminating the man now standing directly in front of my door.
Reagan. He looked even more haggard than when I’d last seen him, and he swayed slightly as he brought the cigarette to his lips again.
Ding-dong. The pleasant chime of the doorbell almost made me jump out of my skin.
“What the fuck,” I whispered, ducking down below the counter. “What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fucking fuck is happening...” Had Reagan lost his mind? There was no good reason for him to be at my door after dark, stalking around my neighborhood,watchingme.
My phone was plugged in to charge upstairs. The pepper spray Jason had given me was up there too, inside my purse. With the frantic speed of someone who anticipated being grabbed at any second, I sprinted through the hallway, up the stairs, and into my bedroom.
