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This is a new low. Hugging a toilet bowl on a cruise ship while on vacation with the brother that hates me and the stepbrother I want to fuck me.
My clueless mother and my stepdad. Oh, and did I mention my biological father is somewhere on this ship as well? I haven’t seen him in four years. He couldn’t even look me in the eyes after what I did.
I can’t blame him. He says he misses me, but I know the truth. He blames me for Nix. Just like everyone else.
In a desperate attempt to find some relief, I flick the shower on, hoping the spray of hot water will ease some of my suffering. Not that I deserve it.
My pain will never compare to what Nix has suffered.
Like the pathetic lump that I am, I climb into the shower and curl up into a naked ball as the hot water assaults me.
It’s a relief. The pain. The heat.
It washes away the guilt and self-hatred.
At least for now.
* * *
“Rose?” A deep voice pulls me out of my nightmares, and I cough. Then choke. Cold water soaks me to the bone.
“Ah!” I shout but choke as I inhale water.
“Rose!” Holden shouts as strong arms wrap around me and haul me out of the shower. I sputter and spit out water, gasping to catch my breath. “Jesus, Rose, what the fuck?” Holden hisses as I soak him with cold water. He holds me to his chest as I shiver and cling to him.
I can’t hold in the tears as I sob against him. The fact that I’m naked in his arms doesn’t even affect me like it would if I were sober.
“I’m sorry, Holden. I’m just so sorry. I didn’t mean to crash. But I did, and now Nix hates me. He still can’t stand to look at me,” I cry as Holden starts rocking me. Trying to soothe me with whispers and false reassurances.
“It wasn’t your fault, Rose.” He strokes my hair, but I shake my head.
“Yes, it was. I was driving. It’s all my fault. He hates me, and I deserve it.”
I don’t know how long Holden and I stay like this as he rocks me on the bathroom floor, but when my tears dry up, and I finally open my eyes, I see the mess around me.
“Oh, god,” I whisper. The toilet is covered in my vomit. It's also still somehow in my hair. I shove away from Holden, scrambling across the floor. “I’m disgusting,” I whimper.
“Hey, you’re not the only person that's ever gotten vomit in their hair. Come on. You can shower in my room. The hot water hasn’t been used up in there yet,” Holden teases. I grab a robe, wrap it around my body, and hide under the hood while Holden turns off my shower.
“I’m pathetic,” I grumble. Holden gives me a look filled with pity, making me look away. He’s silent for a moment as we exit the bathroom, and he grabs clothes from my open luggage.
“This one time, when I was nineteen, I got so wasted that I crashed Scott’s truck into the garage. You were already attending your previous college, and I begged them never to tell a soul. Thankfully, they took mercy on me. Said my hangover would be punishment enough,” Holden chuckles. “They were completely fucking right. I never drank that much again.” He winces, like the memory itself is still painful. “I was sick for two days.”
“You were driving?” I ask, frowning. That doesn’t sound like him at all. Holden shakes his head.
“No. I was trying to turn the truck around, so I could stargaze, actually. Ended up putting it in drive, rather than reverse.” He hustles me across the hall and into his room, and I thank my lucky stars no one is around to witness it.
“How’d you get into my room?” I lift a brow, and he blushes.
“I asked for the code when we checked in.” He gives me this cringe-like smile that makes me snort.
“I guess I can’t complain too much since you used it to help me.” I follow him into the bathroom as he turns the shower on, wasting no time.
“Correct. Now, climb in.” Holden nods to his shower as steam fogs the glass door.
“Your room is way nicer than mine,” I complain, and Holden grins.
“That's only because yours is a single, and I’m sharing with Nash.”
