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“I know, Roe-roe. Sorry about this, really, I am, but I already asked Holden to go with you!” My brother says this like I’m being unreasonable, and I can hear a feminine voice in the background nagging him to hang up. “Listen, sis, I have to go, but Holden will be there to get you soon!” The line clicks as he hangs up.
We’re supposed to be flying to Canada for four weeks this summer before our freshman year of college. We have family there. Holden isn’t supposed to be going because he’s spending every second he can on the ice before his first year of college hockey.
I pull the phone away from my ear and dial my brother’s number five times, but it goes straight to voicemail each time. That overgrown, soggy waffle!
“Ah!” I growl and stomp my foot because I honestly don’t know what else to do at this point. I’m tempted to throw the phone, but I need the damn thing. I’m ready to call our mother and tattle, but that won’t do anyone any good. She’ll just tell me he’s going through something and needs time to work on himself.
If I call Dad, he’ll just make things worse. Not that we’ve spoken in over a year.
I take a deep breath and look around. I’m standing in front of the ticketing counter with all my bags sprawled around me. I’d been dropped off two hours ago, and Phoenix barely answered his phone two minutes ago. Months of planning disappear like smoke in the wind. If Phoenix didn’t have a stepbrother at the ready, always willing to clean up his messes, where would I be going right now? Home alone. At least Holden will help me carry my bags because there’s no way I’m letting him come. Nix won’t be the reason Holden’s first year playing for the Bristol Blues is a flop.
It’s a deceptively sunny day outside. All cheerful and bright. I naively assumed it was a good sign of things to come. Like maybe it meant Phoenix would show up for me. But when was the last time my big brother actually showed up when I needed him? Not for years.
“Hey, Rosie,” Holden says as he walks up behind me, and I turn to look at him. He got here fast…
“You knew he’d bail,” I sigh. I spin away from him, so I can swipe away my angry tears. I don’t want him seeing those. When I was a kid, he told me not to cry in front of boys because then they’ll just be meaner. I took that shit to heart, even though Holden has never been cruel. I used to cry in front of him all the time, and he’d just give me a hug. But then I grew up. I witnessed firsthand what he meant. Some boys exploit weakness. Manipulate your tears and use them against you. Boys like the one my brother has turned into.
“Come on.” His voice is smooth, steady, deep, and familiar. Comforting in a lot of ways. He’s been in my life a long time, and if nothing else, at least I know I can trust him.
Holden doesn’t say anything else, just grabs my bags and starts carrying them out the door.
I sniffle, swiping at another tear, which only pisses me off more, and makes me cry again. Because now I’m crying because I’m crying…
“Still cleaning up his messes, huh?” I snap at him, taking my anger for my brother out on the only person helping me right now. It’s not his fault, but I’m just so angry!
“Oh, come on, Rose, don’t be like that.” He tilts his head my way, giving me a half grin as his brown hair falls into his eyes. “You know I’m not the bad guy here.”
“He’s just such a jackass! How do you deal with him?! You two are nothing alike,” I growl, and Holden chuckles.
“In my defense, I met your brother when I was a child. At the time, he was a lot less of an ass,” Holden teases, and I snort.
“I guess if I had known then what I do now, I could have warned you to avoid the moldy walnut, but then you wouldn’t be here to rescue me,” I huff, and more angry tears fall. I guess maybe they’re also hurt tears. “He abandoned me,” I whisper, and Holden reaches over, patting my shoulder soothingly. He rests it there, caressing my skin as we wait for the crosswalk, and all my focus is suddenly on that hand.
“Your brother is a good man. He’s just lost after—” Holden stops his words and snaps his mouth shut.
“Yeah, after his twin sister ruined his fucking life.” I close my eyes and think of the brother he used to be. Back before his dreams were crushed, and his life changed forever.
“He needs more time. He’ll be okay one day.” Holden pats my shoulder again, still not moving it after the comforting gesture, and I bite my lip.
I used to have a crush the size of the Grand Canyon on Holden. When I was sixteen. Before our parents got married, and I know now that the crush was because Holden was just one of the few constants in my life. I clung to him like a leach. He cares for me in the same way he cares for anyone close to him.
“How’d you know I wouldn't ask you to go with me? You didn’t even bother bringing in a bag just in case,” I ask, needing a distraction.
“Because I know you, Rosie.”
“Yeah, I guess you do.”
CHAPTER TWENTY ONE
“Before You Go” by Lewis Capaldi
ROSE-PRESENT
I gasp, flinging myself up and falling forward. I land on my ass on the cabin floor, shaking, sweating, and about to puke.
After my brother took one look at me and didn’t even bother to acknowledge me, I ran to my cabin and drank every bottle of alcohol I had in the mini-fridge.
The pain in my spine made itself known while I slept, so I do my best to hold in my vomit as I crawl my way to the bathroom. I make it to the toilet as my stomach cramps and seizes. Wave after wave of vomit fills the bowl, and tears stream down my cheeks as I sob.
