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My twelve steps were slightly different since I’m an atheist, but they still worked. My actions while drinking hurt my mother, and though I’ve already made amends with her, I’m eager to not only show her I’m better now but be better for myself.
There are still a few people I need to apologize to, though, but I knew I needed more time.
“Rose!” I hear my mother before I see her. I can hear the emotion in her voice, and it tugs at my heart. I rush her, pulling her into me.
“I love you, Mom.” I practically strangle her with my love, needing to feel her. She doesn’t disappoint and gives me the kind of hug only my mother can. I lean back and smile. Her hair is curled and down in loose waves.
The streaks of gray make her look wise, and even though she looks older than she ever has before, she looks as good as I could have hoped.
There's a pain in her eyes that will never fade, but it's the same pain reflected in my own. The loss of Phoenix will stay with us forever.
“You look great, kid.” I hear Scott say as he pulls me into a hug. I breathe in his familiar old-man cologne and smile. It's a comfort I’ve grown used to over the last few years.
“Rosie,” my father says, pulling me away from Scott. “You’re beautiful, my girl,” he whispers, holding me in a way only a dad can. He kisses the crown of my head, and I notice he’s still sober. I step back, looking him up and down, tears welling in my eyes.
“You’re–”
“Sober. Yeah.” He reaches into his frown pocket, pulling out a sobriety chip. “One year,” he says, and I smile.
“We got this one for you,” my mother whispers, handing me a box. I open it and find a gold necklace with stars, and on the back is the date I entered this treatment center. There’s a note as well, but the tears in my eyes prevent me from reading it. I blink rapidly, trying to get a better look.
“It says we’re proud of you,” a deep voice says, and I gasp, looking up.
“Holden…” I whisper, meeting his blue eyes, and my heart pounds wildly in my chest. I wasn’t expecting to see him. I launch into his arms, and he catches me easily.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, needing to say it, but I can’t say everything now. His arms tighten around me as my feet dangle off the floor. I sniff, looking up at him. He looks rough, and it worries me.
He lost Nix too.
“Let's get you home, Rose,” Holden murmurs, but my words fail me. I nod my head as my mom wraps her arm around my waist and walks with me out the front door.
* * *
I take a deep breath, count to five, and open the door.
The first thing that hits me is my brother's scent. It still lingers in his room, even though he hasn’t lived at home in years.
Everything is exactly the way he left it, and with him gone now, I don’t think my parents will ever change it.
“I want you to know I forgive you. That I’m working on forgiving myself, and that I’ll miss you forever,” I whisper to the empty room, hoping that wherever my brother’s soul is, it’s at peace.
My sixth week in treatment, I finally found the courage to ask my mom what happened. How he died.
He was at his girlfriend’s parents’ house. A lithium battery caught fire in their garage, and by the time they realized it, half the house was in flames. Milly, Holden’s ex, was sleeping in her room upstairs. My brother had fallen asleep in the basement while playing video games with her younger brother.
When Nix heard the alarm, he got her brother out. He’s only fifteen. Nix ran back inside and helped Milly get out of the house, but when her father never made it out, Nix ran in head first.
By then, the firefighters had just arrived. Milly’s father made it out, but not Nix.
It’s unclear what happened, but they found his body on the stairs. Smoke inhalation… Milly said she didn’t even know there was a fire until Nix ran into her room and got her out. He saved her life. Her little brother’s too.
Then he risked it, one more time, to save her father’s life too.
“You’ll always be a hero to me, Nix,” I tell his empty room, hoping that out there somewhere, my twin brother knows how much I love him.
“I miss him.” I hear a rough voice whisper, and I look up to see Holden in the doorway.
“I miss him too.” I nod. I walk further into my twin's room and sit on his bed, turning to face Holden. He joins me, sitting beside me, and I rest my head on his shoulder.
