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“Why did you really want me to come here, Mother?”
She let out an exasperated sigh and shook her head at me. “Would it kill you to come visit your family for once? I know you have a place by the ocean you stay at. You never stop to see your own mother.”
“You know exactly why I don’t come around.”
She frowned, although her face barely moved from how much stuff she had had injected into her skin. “I know your father isn’t an easy man to be around, Malakai. Sure, you guys had some rough times when you were growing up, but you need to let that go. He has always provided for us and he cares about you, even if he doesn’t show it in the most conventional way.”
Her words didn't surprise me in the least. She loved me, but not enough. She would always stand beside my father and love him more than she could ever love me. When my father beat the shit out of me time and time again, she could have protected me, but she didn’t. She could have taken me away from here, but she stayed.
My father never laid a finger on her. It was only me. I was the one who got the brunt of his brutality. His wrath was reserved for just me.
My mother hid from it all behind her charity events and alcohol. She was never blind, nor was she stupid. She just chose to look the other way because at the end of the day, all her needs were still being met. And even though I had zero emotional support, she believed my needs were met as well.
There was only one time that she tried to comfort me after he broke open the skin across my cheekbone. I refused her help. I refused to let her see me crack from what he was doing.
She never tried again.
It was as if she thought I really wanted my space, but in actuality, I just wanted a parent who cared more about me than themselves or their spouse. They both sucked but she was the lesser of two evils and I felt bad. I felt guilty.
Perhaps she was just stupid.
“Sure, Mother,” I agreed with her, choosing the easier way out than arguing with her. “When will he be home?”
She glanced at the clock on the wall. “He’s not due to be home until later this afternoon, but I was hoping you would maybe come back later for dinner.”
I stared blankly at her as I began to dissociate from it all. If I detached, I wouldn’t feel. And neither of them could hurt me then.
“Sure. What time do you want me to come back?”
She looked giddy and flashed her perfect white teeth at me as she clapped her hands together. “Try and be here around six-thirty. I’ll tell Doris to have the food ready by seven.”
I nodded, feeling fucking carved out and hollow inside. I may not have recovered from life in this hell, but I had at least moved on. This was what my family was able to do to me. They were able to strip me down to nothing—leaving me as nothing but a shell.
Over the years, I had learned my own sense of self-preservation in order to protect what little I had left of myself.
Withdrawing and dissociating.
I slowly rose from where I was sitting to bid my mother goodbye. “I’ll be back around six-thirty,” I assured her without another word as I exited my childhood house. We weren’t like most families and this was how our goodbyes typically went.
My parents hadn’t told me they loved me in years.
* * *
After leaving my parents’ house, I drove around mindlessly. My mind was still blocking out the memories this place brought back and I tried to focus on why I was really here. I came back for one reason and she wanted nothing to do with me.
Winter left in such a rush last night and I didn't know when I would run into her again. She had just moved back here herself. It wasn’t like she had some type of a routine or structure. I couldn’t ask someone where she frequented or where I could find her. Knowing Winter, I could probably find her outside in the gardens of her family’s estate with her nose in a book. Or a local ice rink, lost in herself as she spun around on the thin blades beneath her.
Either way, I would find her.
And I was going to do everything humanly possible to win her back.
I wasn't paying attention as I was driving until I realized I was driving down her road. My heart beat erratically in my chest as I neared her driveway. I shouldn't stop. I had no reason to show up at her house unannounced. She probably wouldn’t even answer the door if I showed up. Last night was just luck and chance. I had her cornered and she bolted.
Slowing my car down, I weighed my options. The rational, logical part of my brain was telling me to keep driving. I wet my lips as I glanced at her driveway and let out a ragged breath.
Fuck it.
Grabbing the top of the steering wheel, I whipped my car to the left and pulled into her driveway. I never claimed to be one who was logical or rational when it came to Winter Reign. If there was one person who was able to make me do things I had never pictured myself doing, it was her.
