AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Just breathe, darling.” He pulled me against his chest and wrapped his arms tightly around my back. “Count to five, in through your nose. Hold for five. Releasing for seven through your mouth.”
I listened to the sound of his voice, soft and slow. Quiet and calm. He reached into my soul and soothed me as he continued to count while I breathed along. It didn’t eradicate the panic but my heartbeat began to slow down with every rep. My body felt as though I was growing more centered and grounded.
I inhaled Kai’s scent. He smelled like cedar and spearmint and it was my favorite smell. He continued to murmur as he stroked my back with his hand. Kai was my safe place. He was the calm in the storm, even though he was a hurricane himself.
“I got you, Winter,” he breathed against the top of my head before pressing his lips to my forehead. “I will never let you go.”
Pulling back, I lifted my eyelids to look at him. The waves crashed in his murky ocean eyes as he stared back at me. “Do you promise?”
He nodded but didn’t speak the words back to me. Instead, he pulled me back to him. “Just breathe through it. Everything will be okay.”
I fell silent and continued to breathe along with the comfort of his voice. Kai was never a person of many words, but the way he whispered the words into my soul, he had me convinced everything really would be okay.
He was able to pull me back from the ledge and talk me down every single time.
I hung on to every word he spoke as I felt the heaviness of sleep beginning to pull me under. I was safe in his arms, he would never let anything bad happen to me. Kai needed me just as badly as I needed him. He was the glue that held me together and I was his safe haven.
“Don’t ever leave me, Winter,” Kai whispered as his voice cracked around his plea.
I held him tighter. “Never.”
* * *
Lifting my head from the blankets, I slowly opened my eyes as I came back from the memory. There was a sense of peace and comfort, yet it also left a gnawing ache deep inside my chest. Our promises never meant anything. I was just as much of a liar as Kai was.
Letting my eyes fall shut, I began the sequence of breathing. In through my nose, out through my mouth.Breathe in for five, hold it for five more, and exhale for seven.
Kai’s voice lingered in my brain and I held on to the sound of it as I began to finally drift off to sleep. He didn’t come to me in my dreams that night and I was thankful for that. I needed an escape from him, even though the thought of how tender and gentle he once was, was what helped me to feel better.
He shattered my heart and destroyed my mind. The dreamless nights were the only solitude I found anymore.
It was the only place I was safe.
CHAPTER FIVE
MALAKAI
My stomach rolled with nausea as I sat in the sitting room of my parents’ house. My mother had called me early in the morning asking if I would stop by. They had flown home early and got in late last night. She didn’t offer any information on what was so important, just that she needed to talk to me and see me as soon as possible. Knowing her, it was just a ploy to get me here because she knew how badly I hated being here.
I could have said no, I could have refused, but there was a part of me that would always feel some sort of sympathy for my mother. I mean, being married to Winston Barclay was practically a death sentence in itself. Monetarily, her life was easy with him. Emotionally and mentally, it was hell. But then again, if you drink enough vintage wine, you can erase all of your problems from your mind.
The house was quiet and I picked at the strings on one of the throw pillows beside me. It felt weird being back there, but I also felt like a stranger in the place I grew up in. Our house never fully felt like a home. There weren’t any family pictures hanging on the walls. There was never a single thing out of place.
It looked like a staged house rather than a lived-in one.
“Sorry about that,” my mother apologized as she stepped back into the room. She sat down on the loveseat across from me. “Doris needed help finding something in the pantry.”
I stayed silent and nodded. Doris had been my parents’ housekeeper for as long as I could remember. They took good care of her, but I had always felt bad for her. They were never truly grateful for everything she did. I suppose if you paid someone enough to stick around, the money would always talk loud enough.
My mother lifted her champagne flute, that unsurprisingly had a mimosa in it, to her lips before draining half the glass. I stifled a snort and gave her a blank stare. I wouldn’t expect anything less from her. She’d be toasty by lunchtime, most likely take an afternoon nap, and then begin round two afterward.
The tiredness had begun to set in around the creases of her eyes. She was probably due for a Botox appointment sometime soon because that was what my mother did. Growing up, I had wished for a different family. For different parents. A different life, even. But this was what I got and what I was stuck with.
“What was so urgent that you needed me to come over for?”
My mother gave me a sheepish grin. “I had this issue with your grandmother and getting a driver to take her to her doctor's appointment, but I actually got it figured out.”
Coldness settled within my gaze and I stared at her with indifference. She was lying. My mother was a wolf in sheep skin. She was a snake in the fucking grass. I knew it was all just bullshit to get me here, but for what? My mother may have loved me more than my father ever did, but she was just as cunning as he was.
