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“My mother insisted I come over for dinner, so I did to appease her.” I paused and let out the breath I didn’t realize I was holding. “My father questioned me on why I was taking a break from my tour. I gave him a watered-down explanation, to which he didn’t have the nicest things to say.”
Her lips parted and her eyes scanned my face. I hoped she wouldn’t ask why I was taking a break too. I fought back a sigh of relief when she didn’t. “Did he hurt you again?”
I shook my head. “He hasn’t laid a finger on me in many years. The last time was right before I left.” I watched the pain wash over Winter’s eyes before she blinked it away. She lifted the bottle to her lips once more and took a bigger gulp. “I hit him back that night and got him good. Tonight was the first time I saw him since.”
It wasn’t completely a lie, but there’s no sense in telling her about the time he and my mother came to one of my tournaments. It was insignificant. Winter wanted to know what happened tonight, not what happened over the past six years.
“You haven’t been back since then?”
I shook my head. “There was nothing left for me here.”
She stared at me for a moment after taking another sip. My glass was magically empty again and I held it out for her to fill once more. “You made sure that I would hate you. You broke my heart and pushed me away.”
“I know,” I admitted after a beat. “But that didn’t mean there was anything here for me if you weren’t here. You were the only thing that kept me around.”
Winter winced like I slapped her. “You were so cruel.”
“I still am.”
“So, why are you here? Why come to me?" she questioned me, her voice low. It didn’t crack around her words like it once would have. Winter was always strong, but now it was as if she was immune to me. She had built her walls so goddamn high around her heart, the only way I could get through was if I scaled them.
“I don’t know,” I admitted, my tone clipped. I couldn’t help it. There was still a destructive side of me that knew Winter deserved better than I could ever give her. And that destructive side wanted nothing more than to destroy both of us. “I didn’t want to come here. I didn’t want to come to you.”
Winter glowered. “Then why are you here, Malakai?” There was exasperation in her tone and she pushed her shoulders back as she straightened her spine.
We were constantly contradicting ourselves, contradicting one another.
“Because—I don’t fucking know.” I ran a frustrated hand through my hair before draining my glass once more. The warmth was building in the pit of my stomach and my head was growing fuzzier with the passing seconds. “This is just where I came, Winter. I didn’t have time to think. I left their house and drove straight here, even though I knew this was the last place I should go.”
She filled up my glass without me having to ask before she took a large gulp. Her eyes were hooded and glossy as she stared back at me. “You haven’t changed at all.”
Now it was time for my face to contort. “What does that mean?”
“You’re hot and cold, up and down, back and forth. You always gave me whiplash, and you still do.” She let out a sigh and shook her head. “I could never keep up with your ever-changing thoughts then, and I still can’t. You pushed me away, yet you didn’t come back here because there was nothing left for you.” She pointed the bottle of bourbon at me as her eyes burned holes through mine. “You made me leave without you.”
“Because I had to!” I practically yelled at her. I knew this would happen one day, I just didn’t expect it to be today. And the alcohol flowing between us was not helping with the emotions at all. We were both getting drunker with each sip and it was like an igniter. It was only adding fuel to the fire.
“You’re a liar, Malakai.” She glared at me, but her voice was quiet and warm. “Your father is so deep in your head that you believe the vile things he tells you. You think you’re worthless and undeserving, but you’re wrong. You’ve always been wrong.”
My eyes sliced through hers as anger pushed its way to the forefront of my emotions. As my therapist said, it was a reaction, not an emotion. And Winter had perfected the art of bringing out that reaction in me. “What the fuck do you know, Winter Reign?”
“You,” she breathed as she moved closer to me on the couch, closing the distance between us. “I know you.”
My jaw clenched. I set my glass down on the table beside me and pulled the bottle from Winter’s hand before swallowing more of the liquor. “And what do you think you know, darling?”
“Your father has become that voice of self-doubt in your mind. You’ve become so critical of yourself because of the way he has plagued your thoughts.” She paused for a moment as she took the bottle from me and drank more. “You never loved yourself, Malakai. That’s why you could never love me.”
Her words were a blow to the chest. They split open my sternum as she reached inside and squeezed my lifeless heart. “You have no idea what the fuck you’re talking about,” I snarled at her as my hand darted out and wrapped around her wrist. I plucked the bottle from her hand and set it down on the floor while still holding on to her. “You think I didn’t love you?”
“I think you did in your own messed-up way,” she breathed as I pulled her closer to me. “How could you possibly love someone when you were never taught how to love?”
“You’re right,” I growled as I pulled her onto my lap. “I never loved you, Winter.” I dropped her wrist and slid my hand along the side of her face and around the back of her head. I pushed my fingers through her silky hair. “Love never touched the way I felt about you. You were always so much more than that to me.”
She rested her hands on my shoulders and rolled her head to the side. “If that were true, you never would have pushed me away like you did.”
I let out an exasperated sigh as I pulled her face down to mine. “When will you understand that I did it because I had to?”
She shook her head at me as she slid her hands around the back of my neck. “I don’t understand why you think you had to.”
