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And I wasn’t going to waste any more time.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
WINTER
The library was particularly quiet during the week. Occasionally there were a few mothers who would come in with their younger kids. Mrs. Parker, who was now the retired librarian, would come in around eleven each day and have story time for any of the children who were here. There were a few who made it a point to show up just to listen to her read them a book.
Some days if she wasn’t too tired, she would include a little craft that she would do with them. It depended on how she was feeling. She wasn’t her young, spry self anymore. Old age had settled into her bones and you could see the tiredness hidden in the lines on her face. Her eyes weren’t as bright as they once were.
It had been quite some time since I last saw her. Mrs. Parker remembered me from when I was a kid because this was where I spent a lot of my time. It was always quiet and safe. Peaceful and content. I didn’t have to deal with the outside world when I could be in my own little world.
Mrs. Parker retired after her husband passed away six months ago. That was why there was a permanent position open here. They had just been filling it with temps or she would help out when she could during that time period. But you could see it on her face—the toll his death had taken upon her.
They were married for over fifty years. It was an anniversary that was almost unheard of anymore. My heart ached for her. I couldn’t imagine loving someone that long, let alone having to live life without them afterward. It almost made you question what the purpose of it was anymore. It sounded like it would be extremely lonely. And lost—so lost.
As I stood in front of the romance section, I slid a few books back into their designated spots. I ran my fingers along the spines of the entire shelf. I loved the way that they felt beneath my fingertips. There was something about it that had a way of grounding me. Books were always my solitude.
“Any books that you would recommend?”
The sound of his voice snaked around my eardrums. My spine straightened and my breath hitched as I was momentarily frozen in place. There was a part of me that had been anticipating this moment since I gave him that damn library card.
I slowly turned around to face him. Kai was dressed in a pair of golf shorts again with his polo tucked in beneath his waistband. I dipped my head to the side, a touch of confusion mixing in my expression. It was a common outfit for Kai to be wearing, considering the fact that he did play golf. But he was dressed in similar fashion the other day when he was here, and I was beginning to wonder what his daily agenda looked like.
Focus, Winter. It didn’t matter what Kai did with his time.
“That depends,” I said softly as I straightened my head and focused on his warm gaze. It was a stark contrast to what I was used to from him and it had me questioning everything. “What are you looking for?”
My heart beat once, twice, three times, as his gaze was glued to mine, never wavering. “I’ve found exactly what I’m looking for.”
I struggled to swallow over the lump in my throat and Kai stepped closer to me. I took a step back, but he didn’t stop moving until my back was pressed against the bookshelf. He lifted his arms, placing his hands on the shelves beside my head as he caged me in.
“As much as I enjoy reading, I’m not here for the books, Winter.”
“I know,” I whispered, not fully trusting my voice as my eyes slowly searched his. “You never were.”
He shook his head. “You’re correct.”
“Why, Malakai?” I questioned him with the desperation in my voice. “You let me go once before.”
“And I did what I had to do for you, darling,” he said softly as his minty breath fanned across my face. “But if I had the choice to do it again, I wouldn’t. I would be selfish and keep you for myself. Letting you go was the gravest mistake I’ve ever made and I don’t intend on repeating that mistake.”
It broke my heart, hearing him finally speak the words I had waited years to hear. All I ever wanted was for him to come back and tell me he messed up. I wanted him to take it all back and soothe my soul. I questioned the timing now. So much time had passed between us. He had plenty of opportunities and now it just felt like it was convenient because we were back in our hometown at the same time.
“You don’t know how long I waited for you to say that to me,” I admitted, my voice still barely above a whisper. “We can’t undo what has already been done. There’s so much hurt, so much pain. I’m just afraid that it’s too late.”
A muscle in his jaw tightened and I watched a wave of pain wash through his blue irises. “Have you moved on?” There was a coldness to his tone and his body fell rigid.
My shoulders sagged in defeat. I couldn’t lie to him, even though I wanted to. “I tried.”
I wasn’t going to tell him I had gone on dates with other men in an effort to get over him. That I had even been in a relationship with another guy, but I couldn’t bring myself to actually sleep with him because I felt like I was betraying Kai. I didn’t lie when I told him there was no one else, because there never was. Regardless of how hard I tried to move on, I never could.
“And you still feel as though it’s too late?”
I stared at him for a moment. “I don’t know if it is or not. What if the damage between us is irreparable, Kai? You absolutely broke me.”
His lips parted and a soft sigh escaped him. “Let me put you back together, darling. Let me make you whole again.”
“I don’t need you to make me whole. I put myself back together without you.”
