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I take another deep breath, accepting my fate. “A monster.”
Immediately she springs towards me, grabbing my face in the palm of her hands. “I never said that,” she says with such vehemence, that the difference in the tone of her voice makes something shiver inside of me. “I was just taking on board what you said and I didn’t want to say anything offensive or out of turn. But ultimately, your dad has some screws loose to be able to hurt his child like this.” She lifts her fingers and smooths her cool fingertips over the burn scar on my shoulder.
“I’m sorry,” she says and my gut clenches at the thought of never seeing her again.
“It’s fine. I get it.”
Her face crumples a little, confusion and sadness warring for space in her hazel eyes. “I’m sorry your dad did this to you. But I’m not sorry that we spent this time together.”
“Will you want to see me again?” I ask, wondering whether I’ve scared her off completely.
“Yes, but it’s more complicated than that.” She shakes her head from side to side, a lock of wet hair escaping from the rest and sticking to her cheek. I push it away with my finger, wanting to touch her skin more than anything, to have that connection with her again. “With my condition, it just makes stuff a bit more difficult. Stuff that might not matter now but will in the future…if you want a future with me that is.”
“I know we’ve only just met,” I agree. “But I can’t imagine my future without you.”
“There’s a lot to take on board, Danielo.”
“I’m fine with that,” I argue softly.
“There’s a lot I need to take on board too,” she says. “I don’t even know what you do for your family, but I know it isn’t exactly…legal.” Her face twists as she tries to find the right words and I offer a chuckle to lighten the mood.
“I’d never let any danger come anywhere near you. I’d cherish you.” The words are my honest truth. It might have only been a day but I know how I feel about this woman.
“Danielo…” Sadness casts shadows over her pretty eyes.
“Whatever it is, Sienna, we can deal with it. You make me feel like the strongest, most powerful man in the world.”
Her head tilts as she takes in my words and she reaches to touch her hand to my stubbled cheek.
“I can’t have children, Danielo. And I know how important children and family are in your…lifestyle.”
Shock turns my legs to jelly. Her words can’t be true. How can a woman who was made for me, not be able to have children? My heart breaks along with her realisation that her words are right. Loving each other wouldn’t be enough.
“It’s okay,” she says, her words hollow and tinny in the tiled room. “You should go.”
I search her face, her eyes, looking for any sign that I can save this. But I can’t change the facts.
Having children is expected of me.
Sienna
I knew it would be the thing that broke us before we had a real chance to begin. But getting pregnant would be too risky for me, likely unviable. And I wouldn’t be able to carry to full term either, making it risky for any child I bring into the world too early.
Tears burn the back of my eyes but I won’t let them fall. My body and the condition I have has held me back so much. This weekend, celebrating my best friend's wedding and then being with Danielo in every way–ways I’ve never been with a man before–have proven to me that I can’t have a regular life like every other woman.
As I pull the brush through my still damp and tangled hair, I resolve to be grateful for the experience with Danielo. I didn’t expect to catch feelings and I’m surprised he was so open about his. But unsurprised with his response when I told him about my predicament.
So why does it feel like time has slowed down to torture me even more? Finally, the pain of keeping the tears in outweighs my need to accept and move on, and they breach my lashline and tumble down my face.
Grabbing a tub of ice cream from the freezer I decide to sob my way through a sad film. I tuck my feet beneath me on the couch, wincing a little at the ache between my thighs and turn on the television.
Pounding on the door startles me from the light sleep I must have fallen into. The ice cream is melted and dripping onto the hardwood floor of my apartment. Startled at the sound, I put the security chain on before opening the door.
Danielo stands on the other side, looking sheepish and somewhat determined, his breaths coming a little too quickly. He frowns at the security chain and dips his head, his dark silky hair flopping over his face.
“What’s going on?” I ask, unsure how I’m supposed to respond to the hulking man in my doorway who is clutching onto some papers.
“I did some research,” he pants as though he ran here.
