Page 19 of Collision


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I burst into laughter.

Chase was laughing, too, as he ran his fingers through his wet hair. “You’re lucky your arm is in that sling!”

I was doubled over, and could barely catch my breath. “If this is how you’re going to make me laugh, you can fall on your ass every time we’re together.”

“And you said I wasn’t funny.”

I couldn’t remember the last time I laughed that hard. I ripped off a few paper towels and knelt down to dry the floor beside him.

“So, Prince Charming, huh? That’s who you’re waiting for?”

“I’m not waiting for anybody. Life’s not a fairy tale. Princes don’t come along on their white horses and rescue women from their terrible lives.”

“Tell that to Cinderella.”

“Please. Cinderella loses a shoe and it leads her perfect guy right to her. In real life, if a girl loses her shoe at midnight it just means she’s drunk.”

“You can’t fool me, you know. You wear that tough cynical skin on the outside, but I don’t believe it for one minute. I know who you really are.”

“How could you possibly know me? You’ve never said two words to me before last week.”

“Just because we’ve never spoken to one another doesn’t mean I don’t know what kind of person you are.”

“And what kind of person do you think I am?”

“I didn’t say I think I know who you are. I said I know you. I know you have a huge, caring heart that you protect behind the stone wall you put up around it. You always stuck up for the kids who were being bullied in elementary school, even though they were bigger and stronger than you. I know you are super smart, and always did well in school. I know you and Shelly would chase butterflies on the playground every day during recess. I know you dated guys that you were too good for. I know you took care of your father when your mom left. I know she hurt you. I could see it in your eyes. I know you were different after that. I never knew her, but I hated her for changing you. I also know your dad was your world, and I know how much you miss him.”

I sat on the floor of the tiny kitchen, stunned. All this time I had known him, never once did I think he gave me more than a passing glance.

“What happened?” he asked carefully. “What happened to that girl?”

“A lot happened. My father wasn’t the same after my mother disappeared. Something inside his brain snapped, as if he had no idea how to continue on without her. At thirteen, I had to pick up the pieces of our broken lives. I spent all of my time with him, when I wasn’t in school, trying my best to cheer him up and take care of the house. The man who never had more than a beer or two on occasion began finishing bottles of vodka by the day. His drinking became such a problem that his job eventually let him go. I babysat after school to earn as much quick cash as I could, returning home by seven to cook dinner for someone who was already passed out for the night. I ate alone, cleaned alone, and paid the bills alone. I did everything alone because I didn’t have any other option. When all I wanted was someone to help me, help never came.”

“So you learned early on that the only person you could depend on in life was yourself.”

“Sometimes, you’re all you’ve got in this world.”

“You don’t have to be alone anymore. You have me, for what it’s worth.”

I looked into his eyes. The striking shade of dark green was illuminated by the light brown sunburst around his pupils. “Why didn’t you ever talk to me? Why watch me from a distance and not say anything?”

“Honestly, I didn’t have the guts.”

“So, what changed?”

“Everything. Coming back from California to find you like this. My dad, your dad. Do you believe things happen for a reason?”

“I don’t know what to believe anymore. It’s hard to think there’s a reason this all happened to me, like there’s some stupid lesson I’m supposed to learn from it.”

“Well, I believe it. Whatever the reason is, I don’t think things happen by coincidence.”

“It almost seems like life is one big domino set. I crashed my car because I was drunk; I was drunk because I was depressed after having to bury my father; my father killed himself because my mother left us…” I trailed off.

“So, what do you think set off the domino effect? Why do you think your mother ran off to begin with?”

“That has been the million dollar question I ask myself every single day. Part of me feels like the reason could never be good enough to justify it; the other part of me feels like I would feel better if I knew what the hell happened. I never got closure.” I shook my head. “It’s always the people who you are closest to that hurt you. And they’re the ones you can’t let go of.”

“Sometimes in life, you have to give yourself closure. Let it go. You’ll drive yourself crazy otherwise. If she moved on and doesn’t care, sad as that is, then you should forget her, too.”

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