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My stomach churns as I slide off the couch and onto the floor beside her. “Those are your mother’s pictures.”
Elena lowers herself onto the carpet and slips her hand into mine, and I’m suddenly aware of how happy I am that she’s here for this. I always imagined I’d go through this alone, worried that I wouldn’t know what to say. But with Elena by our sides, I know she’ll help make everything okay for Noah.
Noah hesitates. “I’ve always wondered what she looked like.”
I smooth my palm against her back in small circles. “Open it.”
There aren’t many pictures in there, but I asked Tara’s parents for pictures from various stages of her life. I wanted Noah to be able to see what her mother looked like as a baby, as a teen, and as an adult.
Noah pulls out the photos and lifts the first one close to her face. “Oh, wow.”
Elena leans over her shoulder. “She was beautiful.”
Noah looks like me, but the shape of her nose and the dimples in her cheeks are unmistakably from her mother.
“She looked happy here.” Noah’s eyes meet mine. “How could she look this happy when she was so troubled?”
I hike a shoulder. “She had her ups and downs.”
She flips through the pictures and blinks past the welling tears. “I wonder if she would’ve gotten better if she didn’t die.”
Her words pierce my heart like a bullet. “She was sick. I don’t think there was anything anyone could’ve done to help her.”
She wipes a tear as it falls. “I hate that I never got to know her before she died.”
My eyebrows pop. “But you would’ve been devastated when you lost her.”
“At least I would’ve known her, even if it was for a little while.”
How could she think that? It’s better to not know what you lost than to have to live with the memories. Bile rises in my throat, but I swallow it down. Now isn’t the time to try to convince Noah that it’s better this way. She needs me to be here for her, and hear her.
Elena reaches out and squeezes her shoulder. “She couldn’t see what she was missing. Your dad is right. She was sick, and she wasn’t in her right mind. Otherwise, she would’ve fought to stay for you.”
Noah sniffles. “Can I keep these in my room?”
I’d prefer them in the attic, but it’s not about what I want. Not with this.
“We can get a nice frame to put them in, if you’d like.”
Her eyes widen. “Really? You’d let me do that?”
I hate how shocked she is that I’d let her put a picture in a frame. Have I really been so controlling over every aspect of her life?
“Yes, of course.”
Noah wraps her arms around me and hugs me tight. “Thank you. This means a lot to me, Dad.”
I hold her in my arms—my whole world—and hope she can feel how much I love her. How every decision I’ve ever made has been for her.
Noah turns her attention back to the tree, and Elena excuses herself to the bathroom.
I wait in the hall for her to come back out.
She clutches her chest when she swings open the door. “Jesus, you scared me.”
“I’m sorry.” I pull her close and stroke her cheek with my thumb. “Just wanted to make sure you were okay. I saw you getting a little emotional back there.”
“I’m really proud of you, Grant.”
