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His face contorts as if in pain from my blow, but he attempts to reply. “Ava, I’m—”
He never finishes that sentence.
My eyes are ablaze with fury, and my muscles tense as I launch toward him with every ounce of strength, I have. Pushing him out of the room, I scream again and slam the door behind him.
The force of the action sends me crashing onto the floor, where I feel every bit of devastation coursing through my veins. The tears come without hesitation like a river overflowing its banks and crashing down an embankment.
Did he ever really care?
The look in his eyes when he made looked at me.
His gentle hands running through my hair and wrapping me up in a warm robe when I was so cold—had I imagined everything?
The time we spent together meant nothing more to him and I was just ajobto him.
My heart aches until, finally, the sadness fades into white-hot anger.
My emotional fortress had been breached, and I would not let it happen again. From here on out, no one would be allowed to take advantage of my vulnerability ever again. A deep resolve fills me as I stand tall amidst the ruins of everything he left behind.
My heart pounded in my chest as I rummaged through my closet, determined to put on a brave face and live my life despite the fear surrounding me.
With trembling hands, I pulled out a pair of dark denim jeans and a heathered grey long-sleeve shirt, preparing for battle. I braided my hair and applied more makeup than I normally wear—my fingers shaking with nervousness.
I marched downstairs, determined to forget all about James and the killer and enjoy whatever time I had left in my life.
SIXTEEN
JAMES
Iloathe myself for what I said to her.The pained expression on her face when I told her she was simply a job to me broke me, and burned into my memory like a branding iron. Because she wasn't just a job to me. She was so much more.
The feelings I had for her didn’t start out that way. Shehadbeen an assignment of mine and nothing more. But then suddenly, she became something else entirely, something far deeper and more powerful than I ever expected. It was as if the walls around my hardened heart were slowly crumbling away as I watched her work in her shop - carefully repotting plants with a smile on her face and dirt smeared across her cheek.
Her grey eyes glimmered with life, and her cheeks turned pink at even the slightest hint of embarrassment. She wore overalls with a tight pink tee underneath and pink Converses - a look I found oddly endearing. Despite all the tragedy she endured, she chose to keep living, to channel her energy into bettering herself and helping others - never speaking ill of anyone or anything. Whenever customers entered the shop, she'd greet them cheerfully and offer to help carry their items out to their car.
My gaze often lingered on Ava when I thought she wasn't looking, and each time our eyes met, she would blush crimson and avert her gaze shyly. I began to refer to myself as her boyfriend, but deep down, I knew this was much more than that. Though it felt wrong to become involved with someone from one of my cases, being near Ava brought me joy in a way that no one else could. Despite all reason telling me not to, I allowed myself to become entwined in something real.
I wanted to spend my days with Ava in bed, helping her tend to her garden and her shop, and then make love to her each night. But my foolishness was clear as day - when I told her that every emotion she experienced because of me was nothing but an assignment I had to complete.
As tears ran down her cheeks, my heart shattered in two. My insides twisted knowing the agony I caused her - she deserved so much better than a selfish asshole like me.
So, then I went downstairs, letting out my frustration on everyone around me, searching for errors in their jobs. Everett noticed my strange behavior immediately and pulled me aside.
"What's wrong? You're yelling at everyone for no reason," he stated cautiously.
Taking a deep breath, I set down my phone and confessed what had happened with Ava. Everett stared at me incredulously.
"Why would you say that?" he questioned.
I sighed deeply, explaining all that happened prior; how I saw her crying in the shower and stayed with her until we both fell asleep in each other’s arms. When I realized how much she meant to me, I panicked and tried to cut her off. I shouldn’t have told her she was nothing but a job to me. That was cruel even for me.
“If you saw her face, man, I fucked up. I shouldn’t have been that harsh on her. I completely destroyed her” I shook my head in disgust at my actions. It sounded worse when I told Everett.
“Then why did you do it?”
“God damnit, Everett! I don't have any idea why I did that. It's like I can't stay focused when she's around. It doesn’t excuse my behavior, but as an agent, I shouldn't be fucking around with people involved in our investigations.”
“Why not? I do it all the time.” Everett snickered.
