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My mom looks over to my dad. I don’t even have time to register how weird this is with them both being in the same room as each other.
“It all depends on the tests. And if it’s malignant or not.”
“And if it’s a malignant tumor?”
“Well, the survival rate is around twenty to thirty-five percent for my age bracket.”
“Twenty to thirty-five percent!” I start pacing, my legs feeling like they may give out on me.
“Taylor, you need to calm down,” my dad says gently.
“I can’t calm down.”
“It’s very hard to predict these things,” Mom says, so calmly I wonder if she’s just in shock, or putting on a brave face for me. “It can go either way.”
I don’t fucking believe this.
I hold the heels of my hands up to my eyes and mom gets up to embrace me.
I need to be strong for her, but I’m in so much shock right now.
“It’s going to be all right,” she tells me.
“What if it isn’t, Mom? I can’t lose you.”
“Your Mom’s a fighter, Taylor. She’s strong. We will get through this.”
Mom sniff’s, holding back her tears and pulls back slightly to look at me.
“Your Dad is right, we will. Whatever happens, what can we do about it? We have to be strong and look at the positives,” she says.
I can’t even believe what I’m hearing right now. It just sounds so freaking scary.
What positive could there possibly be about this news?
“The surgery won’t be until after the finals anyway,” she goes on.
“Fuck the finals!” I roar.
Dad puts a hand on my shoulder.
Mom shakes her head. “Taylor, don’t be like that. It’s still important. You’ve worked so hard.”
I don’t know what to think; thinking straight seems like an impossibility.
“I don’t care, Mom. I just want you to be okay.”
“They can’t see me until then anyway, honey. So, it has to be this way. I need you to go to the finals with everything you have. That would make me happy.”
I don’t even know what I have anymore… it suddenly feels like nothing.
I don’t know how one moment to the next everything can feel so different and so very wrong.
Mom finally convinces me to sit down and tells me about the procedure she’s going to have. She keeps telling me the tumor is small, and they caught it early, so this is a good thing. Dad stays with us all afternoon.
I’m actually glad he’s here.
I need to get my shit organized for the game tomorrow. Mom has made no bones about the fact she will be disappointed if I bow out because of her. I try to tell myself we don’t have the full diagnosis yet, that we will know in a few days, and then I guess a few more decisions can be made.
