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I am the best scorer on the team, and probably in the league. There’s nothing I want more than to have that cup for our team.
I made headlines when I was transferred last season… it was a big fucking contract, and I had to make sure I lived up to the claims of greatness.
I can’t afford any slips. I want that Stanley Cup as bad as any guy on the team.
I want it fucking bad for my Hawks.
When I break out of my reverie, in time for us to line up again, coach is yelling at Ty to get his head in the game…
I guess he has to come down hard for a reason. He has a lot of pressure, and even though he yells a lot, he’s the best coach I’ve ever had.
I shoot another goal off a wrist shot and two more bang into the back of the net by the time Coach benches me to save me for Friday’s game.
“You’re on fire today.” Coach nods toward me. It feels good when he’s satisfied with me. The guy is tough but fair, and it makes me want to do better to please him.
Coach’s voice is always in my head, rattling my brain about the play…. But now there is something else in my head as I sit on the side lines whilst images of the likelihood of Emmerson walking into the arena makes me stand that little bit taller. It definitely has me playing a little harder today in the scrimmage, like I’m playing for my life, not in some practice drill.And that’s a stupid thought to have, I know it.
Speed and accuracy are my jam. I can never waiver from that, no matter what’s going on in my head.
I make a pact with my own psyche while I’m sitting here, that I’m not going to let thoughts of my high school sweetheart being in town let me falter.
No fucking way.
I can’t afford to lose what I have worked so hard for during these last few years… and I’ve worked damn hard at trying to forget her too.
As I watch the scrimmage continue, I can’t help but let my mind wander back… Sometimes I allow myself that indulgence, but I never delve too far. It’s just too hard. I’ve never found another girl like Em, not even close.
I’ve dated here and there, but mainly I’ve been with girls on the hop between games, never pausing too long with any one of them.
It’s certainly a far cry from where I used to be, and how I’d declared Emmerson Daley would be the only one… I don’t even know what she would think if she saw me now.
“Man, Coach is right, you are on fire.” Ashton skates up to the bench and takes a seat next to me while we watch on.
“You know what I’m like once I get started.”
“Wouldn’t have anything to do with hearing Emmerson is in town, would it?”
My head snaps around to look at him. “What the fuck?”
He shrugs. “Come on, even you have to admit, you took off like a rocket when you heard Ty mention it.”
“Simple drills.” I shrug. I don’t want thoughts of her creeping into my head… or my body. Once she’s seeped into my veins, like I know she can so easily do, it will take over me completely. I’ve kept tabs on her here and there over the years, and she’s still a fucking stunner. Even cold on the ice, with my resentment for what happened between us still fairly palpable, my body still aches for her.
“You sure about that?” he asks.
I take my gaze away from him and look out over the ice. “Of course, it’s been years... in fact, it would probably be a good thing to see her again.” I shrug like it’s no big deal, but I’m lying through my teeth. My heart is hammering in my chest, and I’m having some kind of internal palpitation. I can’t tell exactly where it’s coming from.
She shouldn’t be able to unnerve me like this… after all these years.
I worked hard to do it, and as much as my body tries to betray me, I tell myself I’m officially over her.
It doesn’t matter anymore. She can come to the game, cheer for the Hawks all she likes, fuck, she could even wear my jersey for all I care. I won’t be affected.
I have to try to convince myself Emmerson doesn’t have any kind of hold over me like she did when we were younger.
Hell, I’m not even the same guy anymore. Some remnants are there, deep down. But you’d have to thaw out the ice around my heart before anyone found those remnants.
The only person I can really open up to is my mom. I love her for everything she’s done over the years. I still have problems with my dad. And Emmerson’s parents still talk to me…
