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I chuckled at how breathless she was, but did as she said. Food was number one priority, and whatever she was making sounded fucking delicious.
Sitting at the table, I kept my eyes on her. Following her every move while trying to grasp that she was mine. She was perfection. The little twinge of guilt deep inside reminded me of Julie. She’d been my world, too. And I clung to that, long after she was gone. Refusing to let anyone else in. I’d been convinced taking a chance again wasn’t worth it. The bad outweighed the good. The risk was too high. I may look tough, even act as if nothing could hurt me and not many believed anything but. But I couldn’t survive one more blow like that. Hell, I barely made it through losing Julie.
Still, here I was, shoving all that fear into a dark corner and praying it would stay hidden. That nothing could tear it out. That Kaylie wouldn’t.
“Where’s your mind?” she asked, snapping me back to the sparkly clean kitchen, which she polished to perfection, and the lovely smells coming from the frying pan. She turned the stove off, reached for two plates in the cupboard above the sink, then grabbed the counter and froze.
“Kaylie?” My voice couldn’t hide the alarm.
She straightened, shooting me a smile. “Sorry, just got a bit dizzy.”
I stood, forcing the uneasy feeling down and telling myself not to be an idiot. Nothing. Would. Happen.
I opened my mouth to comment on the food. Before I got the words out—she collapsed.
I flew across the room, dropping to her side as she lay on the floor. “Kaylie!” I shook her, driven by panic instead of reason. It wasn’t the first time she fainted on me, but something told me this time was different.
My fingers trembled as I grabbed her wrist, searching for a pulse. I could barely feel it ticking weakly under my fingertips.
I scrambled to find my cell left on the table and shouted to the 911 operator to hurry before collapsing next to her again.
“Kaylie!” My voice was too loud, too raw. “Don’t do this to me!” I grabbed her, lifting her and clutching her to me while my body shook from shock and fear clawing its way up my throat. “Don’t leave me. Don’t you fucking leave me!”
Her body slacked. The small puffs of air caressing my neck stopped. I dropped her to the floor, pressing my mouth to hers and breathing air into her lungs.
“Stay,” I rasped between breaths and heart compressions. “Stay with me. Stay. STAY!”
My shoulder started to hurt, a sharp pain shooting down my arm from the repetitive motion. The cell rang. The smell of food hung in the air, and the forgotten bottle of wine stood open on the counter when the paramedics burst through the door.
I moved away in a haze as they took her. Everything seemed to be spinning around me. Faster and faster into darkness.
“Sir.” A voice called out to me. “Sir!”
I blinked a blond man into focus. He lay a hand on my arm, speaking words I couldn’t hear.
They had Kaylie strapped to a gurney and rushed away. I followed in a trance as the man led me to the ambulance and told me to get in. It jerked into motion faster than I could sit, sirens blasting my ears as it sped down the road.
I squeezed my eyes shut, throwing my head back against the seat, and tried to breathe. Seeing her so small and lifeless was more than I could stand. It fucking ripped me apart inside. I couldn’t look at her.
The mantra was on repeat in my head as I fought for my sanity.
Stay.
I paced the waiting room while trying not to fall apart. Not knowing if she was alive or dead was agony. Why wouldn’t anyone tell me anything? Not a fucking doctor came, and how long was it since they rushed her in? It felt like fucking days. Each second of uncertainty cut like blades into my heart.
Eyes were on me. Curious looks of curious people, some pitying, some annoyed. Whispered words circled me, falling over me like snow. I couldn’t stop. If I did, everything would catch up. Pain I tried to outrun by pacing back and forth. The despair. The soul-crushing panic and the dark voices in my head telling me it was already too late. I shut them out. Shut everything out.
“Marc!” A familiar voice shouting somewhere in the room pierced the suffocating bubble I was trapped inside.
Johnny?
It burst, and the icy cold pain that flooded my chest cut like millions of tiny blades. I stopped, standing frozen on the floor while everything rushed through me. The cold reality almost brought me to my knees. My heart pounded in my chest, sending blood in hot pulses through my system until I felt like I’d burst from the pressure. The pulse thundered in my head. My hand shook as I dragged it through my hair.
She had to live. She had to. There was no fucking way I could do this again. Images of her still body haunted me wherever I turned. Her pale skin was ghostly. Her black hair spread out over my kitchen floor. My desperate attempts to breathe life into her.
She was dead. She was fucking dead, and there was no coming back from that. My chest tightened with the pain, cutting off my breath. I choked on the air I needed, desperate to make it all stop. To go back.
“Marc! What happened?” Johnny moved toward me, pushing past people flocking around him and stopping in front of me. “Is she okay? Is Kaylie okay?”
