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I abruptly stopped my train of thought. I didn’t need to go there tonight. I wanted the opposite. I wanted to feel alive. I wanted… Marc.
Before I had a chance to change my mind, I shifted, throwing one leg over his, and sat, straddling him. His shocked gasp mimicked my own as I realized I was suddenly closer to him than I was prepared for.
“Kaylie.” He grabbed me, but instead of pushing me away, he held on to my upper arms. His hesitation fueled my courage, allowing me to relax and adjust myself against him.
A low groan slipped past his lips, sending shivers through me, and a strange need to hear more. I slid a hand around his neck, gripping his hair, and dared to shift my hips a little closer.
He responded with a hiss, followed by another muted growl as I wiggled my ass against him.
“Fuck, Kaylie.” He gripped me tighter, squeezing my arms.
“Do you want me to stop?” I murmured, keeping my eyes locked on his lips. “Just tell me and I will.”
His gaze flicked to mine, and I stiffened from the intensity. The way he looked at me made me shudder. There was something wild about it, like he was a predator ready to devour me. I’d let him. I wanted him to.
“Can I kiss you?” My voice trembled with anticipation. His lips were so close, so soft and inviting, all I had to do was close the gap and feel them. But I wanted him to want it too. “Marc?” I whispered his name like a caress on his lips, feeling him shudder under me. His grip on my arms loosened as his resolve shattered.
“You make it impossible to say no,” he rasped.
A small smile tugged at the corner of my lips. “Then don’t.”
“Fucking easy for you to say.”
“No one has to know.” I leaned closer, brushing my lips against his in a butterfly kiss.
His lips parted for me and before I could prepare, he caught mine and took my breath away, making me lightheaded. My mind reeled as he let me go for air, and the few seconds of staring at him were enough for the rest of his control to slip. He grabbed me, and before I knew what happened, I was on my back, crushed under the weight of his much larger body. I gripped him, pulling him closer even though I couldn’t breathe. He felt so hard, so good against me, and I needed more. My mouth found his, and he didn’t hesitate to claim it in a kiss that stole the last of my mind.
Everything started to spin. My pulse thundered in my temples. A ringing in my ears. A brief moment of fear gripped me. I pushed myself too far… then I was plunged into darkness.
“Fuck, Kaylie, FUCK!” I shook her, trying not to lose my shit a second time.
Nothing to worry about.She said it herself. So why did I fucking worry? Why did her unconscious form under me make me want to scream or…cry. What was worse? That I nearly lost control with her. That I nearly gave in and fucked her how she begged to be fucked. Or that she passed out before we could take it further than kissing.
“Wake up,” I hissed. “Don’t do this to me.”
Rolling off her, I turned my back to her. Maybe not seeing her like that could save me from myself. The conflicting feelings had me wanting to scream. My body brought to a fucking high by her eagerness to have me, left me aching in the absence of her body rubbing against mine. But my mind. My goddamn thoughts were all over the place. Torn between then and now, between lust and grief. I hated her for bringing it all back, for making me relive the worst days of my life. And I fucking craved her, despite knowing what she did to me.
She stirred, a hand blindly fumbling to reach me, and as much as I wanted to get away, I let it find mine. When I dared to look at her, those ocean-blue eyes gazed up at me. Something in them filled me with deep sorrow that had nothing to do with what I lost. This was for her, for what she couldn’t hide in the depth of her heart. She pressed her lips together in a pout, turning her gaze from me, and stared blankly at the ceiling.
“What the fuck just happened?” My voice was surprisingly soft, but it wasn’t enough for her to face me.
Instead, she whispered a flat, “Sorry.”
Silence filled the room as neither of us spoke. Outside, a few lone night birds chirped, followed by the occasional sound of a car swishing by on the road.
With a pang of regret, I let go of her hand. Her eyes came to rest on me, burning into me. The roller-coaster ride she forced me to take was exhausting. She made me feel things I hadn’t felt in years. Things I swore never to feel again. She made me want her, not just her body, but everything she was. And that, without even knowing her. The way she held back. How she kept shutting down every time I tried to get anything from her, made me want it even more badly. Even though I felt in the core—whatever she withheld, was nothing I wanted to hear.
“Don’t go anywhere,” I muttered, getting to my feet and away from her. I couldn't do this. Not now. Not like this. “I need a shower.”
Shutting the door and blocking her out did nothing to ease the guilt. I was supposed to look after her, to keep her safe. I couldn’t even keep her conscious. It had nothing to do with me, but I still felt as if I failed her. I shouldn’t have fucking touched her. Aroused her. And me.
The bathroom was as simple as the rest of the room. A single sink stood alone under a round mirror mounted on the wall. The shower next to it was anything but inviting. The lack of a curtain made me scowl, but it didn’t stop me from stripping out of my clothes.
I didn’t have a change with me, and I had no interest in going back to the car to get the bags. It meant seeing her there on that bed. If she as much as suggested I join her, would I be strong enough to resist? My body sure wasn’t. Despite her putting an abrupt end to what could have happened, I was still hard for her. Still wanted her.
The water hit my overheated skin like tiny cold needles, and I shuddered under the spray. Tilting my head back, I let it rinse my face and wished it could wash away everything else, too. Every thought. Every fucking feeling, I didn’t want.
Kaylie’s face was there the moment I closed my eyes, and with it came everything else. The things I tried not to think of. Her eyes. Her lips. Her hands in my hair and her fucking hips grinding against me…
