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I inched closer. “Marc?”
He held up a hand, stopping me. The long look he gave me burned through my skin and into my soul. So much regret.
“Please,” I choked out, but he shook his head. Then he turned away. “Don’t go!” I cried out, trapping him in my desperation.
He turned back, silently eyeing me, and it took all my courage to whisper the next words. “Let me have this moment with you.”
If he clenched his jaw tighter, I was sure it would break. Standing stiff, he looked through me. I inched closer, holding out a hand.
“Hey,” I whispered as fresh tears trailed down my cheeks. My fingers touched his face, trailing butterfly light touches over his skin before my palm flattened against his cheek. “I want to be with you.”
He swallowed, turning his face away from my touch. “Stop,” he rasped. “I can’t.”
“I know you want to,” I insisted.
“Of course I fucking want you!” he snarled. “But—” He stepped away from me, turning his back to me as I stared at him.
“But… what?” It couldn’t only be about what Ideserved. Not anymore. Not when he knew the truth. What was holding him back? Honor? Pride? Was I not good enough for him? Was I too young? He didn’t look like the kind of man who would give a shit about rights and wrongs. So why was he so freaking stubborn? Why did he act as if touching me would kill him? And not me…
It took so long for him to reply that I started to think he wasn’t going to speak at all.
“Nothing,” he said at last, and I blinked at his harsh tone. He turned to me, face stone cold and expressionless. “Get ready, we’re leaving.” With those words, he spun on his heels and left me staring.
Tempted to run after him, I did the opposite. Rejection hurt, and I wasn’t ready to inflict more pain. He didn’t want me. He made it perfectly clear. It didn’t matter what he said. He claimed he never lied. That he gave it to you straight. No fuss. No spared feelings. But actions spoke louder. He didn’t want me. Saying he did was nothing but lies.
Reality caught up. What did it matter? I had nothing to offer him. I hadnothing. My legs gave out as the well-known weakness swept over me. Sinking to the rocky ground, I curled up into a ball and let the silent despair take me.
*
I barely registered how I ended up in the car, but as my mind started to clear, the sound of tires against the road made me blink the dark interior of the vehicle into focus. My eyes took in the road swishing by outside, and the forest blurring into a canvas of green and brown.
“How…” I gulped at the hard look on Marc’s face. During the last few days, he started to open up to me. Hell, I even saw him smile. Those days were gone. And I ruined it by dumping my miserable life on him.
“Marc?” I whispered, hoping he’d at least give me something.
What was he thinking? Why did he look like he’d either scream, or…cry? The way he clenched his jaw. How his knuckles were white from tension as he gripped the wheel. It couldn’t be clearer he was upset. Guilt weighed heavy on my heart. This was my fault. Why did I have to be so dumb? He must be worrying I’ll drop dead before he could get me to the drop-off. Would that mean the promise he gave my father was broken?Keep me safe no matter what?But he couldn’t save me from myself. That was never the deal. This was not Marc’s fault. It was mine.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I shouldn’t have thrown away the pills.”
If I hadn’t been staring straight at him, I would have missed him flinch and tense further. As if my words were another shock. As if… he didn’t know.
“Marc?” I tried again.
His only response was hitting the gas harder. I tried to think, to understand. Why was he so mad? Yes, I was dying. But why did he care? He couldn’t wait to get rid of me. The increased speed and the breaking several traffic laws to get me to Black River City as fast as possible proved it.
I looked away, letting my eyes rest on the yellow lines of the road that flew by.
Without the medicine, I was a ticking bomb. There was only a matter of time before it would go off. Was this how I wanted to spend my last days? Stuck in a car with a man who refused to look at me? If I survived the trip. Was I going to die in a stranger’s home? Tears prickled my eyes as the longing to lie in my own bed overwhelmed me. What I wouldn’t give to snuggle into the covers in the warmth and the safety of my own house. I wanted my father and all the familiarities of our estate. I could go home now. I no longer had the pills. Why did I need protection from the people after me? What could they do that wasn’t bound to happen, anyway?
Tears fell from my eyes, trickling down my cheeks. My fingers trembled as I wiped them off, and so did my breath as I tried to hide my soft crying.
I felt his eyes on me as I did my best to not make a sound. One of his hands left the wheel, hovering in the air for a few loaded seconds before changing his mind. Instead of placing the comforting hand I hoped for on me, he gripped the wheel and squeezed hard enough for the leather to squeak under the pressure.
I pressed my eyes shut, trapping the tears, and wished myself far away.
Music blasted the silence, making me jump from the suddenness. Then I relaxed. The sound wrapped around me, creating an invisible shield between me and Marc. I appreciated the gesture.
Hours killed the miles to the sound of the recent hits blasting through the speakers. The tears faded, and the urge to sing along rose in company with the sudden energy humming in the car. The mental fog I lived in for as long as could remember was as absent as the lethargy.
