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“She called me, I had no choice but to help her.”
I stared at him, torn between being thankful and pissed. If he only knew what he did to me. How seeing her standing there killed me. But also filed me with a deep longing to hold her, to bury myself in her and forget about the pain.
“I got away, it’s a long story.” Kaylie smiled a small, uncertain smile. “I had nowhere else to go. I remember having Johnny’s number, and I—He helped me.” She inched closer to the bed, carefully sitting at the edge but kept her gaze looked on her hands clasped in her lap. “Are you angry?”
I couldn’t reply. Even if I found my voice, what could I say? No, I wasn’t fucking angry. I was… what? The warmth inside from simply being near her made me want to scream. I wasn’t fucking angry, I was… I couldn’t think it. Not now. Not with her. Not ever.
“Marc?” Her voice was small, so was her hand as it came to rest on my thigh. I felt her eyes on me, searching for answers I couldn’t give her. I couldn’t even look at her and not die a little inside.
The things I said to her while trapped in that cell. The things I needed from her. How I let her touch me, love me… I still wanted it, and more. I fucking craved it. But the weak sense of self-preservation I had left kept me from giving in.
“Hey,” she whispered. “Look at me.”
If I did, if I really looked, I’d be a goner. “You need to go,” I said instead. “Just go.”
A soft gasp escaped her lips. “What? No.” Her hand came to land on my lower arm, slid up my skin until the bandage around my bicep and shoulder stopped her in her track. “I can’t leave you,” she murmured. “I did this to you.” Her fingers trailed butterfly touches over the wrapping, up my shoulder and for the first time since that fucking bullet, pleasure exceeded the pain. My eyes closed as her hand came to rest on my neck, running a soft thumb along my jawline. “Let me help you.”
I squeezed my eyes shut tight. It would be so easy to give in, to allow her to heal me. Body and soul.
Johnny cleared his throat, and I snapped out of it, moving my face away from her touch. “No,” I repeated. “Just fucking go.”
Her hand slipped away. But she lingered, torturing me with her presence. I clenched my fist around the sheets. She was too close. Too fucking tempting. I couldn’t do it. Didn’t have the strength to resist her. But I had to. I fucking had to lose her now, before it was too late. While I still had a chance to recover from it. Something deep inside told me it was already too late, but I refused to listen. She meant nothing to me. If she walked out that door, I’d not miss her. I wouldn’t. I couldn’t.
Kaylie stood, backing away, and the distance made something inside twist. So much for not giving a fuck.
She stood looking at me, and I caved under the pressure. Looking up, meeting her ocean blue eyes full of unshed tears made my throat tighten with emotion. I tore my gaze away. “Get out!” My voice was too harsh. Too raw. But I didn’t care. I needed her gone. Out of my life. Out of my heart.
“Marc,” she whispered my name, begging me.
“I don’t want you here, go home.”
She turned and ran as I fought to catch a breath. Johnny’s eyes burned into me. I lifted my eyes to his, trying not to see the conflicted emotion reflect back to me. “I don’t want her here,” I repeated. “Don’t look at me like that.”
Johnny sighed, scratching his head as he considered his next move. “She has nowhere to go.”
“Not my fucking problem,” I snapped, clinging to the anger as it was a lifeline. “She’s not my responsibility anymore, Johnny!”
“Yeah.” He sighed, looking between me and the door she disappeared through. “I get it, she’s sick. You don’t want to get involved when it will end badly, but…” he trailed off as he must have caught the pain I tried to hide with gritted teeth and clenched fists.
“Don’t fucking tell me what I feel,” I gritted out. “You know nothing.”
Johnny shrugged. “I know you love her.”
My head snapped up, a breath escaping my lips before I could stop it. “Fuck you.” I shifted closer to the edge of the bed, swinging me legs to the floor and stood.
“Relax,” he sneered. “I’m not going to tell you to follow your heart of some bullshit like that.” He grabbed my healthy arm, forcing me to face him. “She’s a bad idea. I fucking agree.”
I looked at him, seeing the sincerity on his face.
“She’s a bad idea, Marc,” he repeated, as if I needed the fucking reminder. She was more than that. She was not just bad; she was my fucking weakness.
“You want me to send her away? I can do it. Get her a plane ticket wherever she wants to go. You’ll never have to see her again.”
I managed a weak nod, not trusting myself enough to speak.
“I need more than that,” Johnny said, and I let out a harsh laugh. It was so easy. All I had to do was say the words. She’d be gone. I had to lose her one way or the other. Now rather than later was the only option. Yet, I couldn’t bring myself to say the words. It hurt, physically to imagine her away from me.Again.
“Now you know how I felt leaving Bree,” he muttered, and I shot him a glare. Admittedly I was rough back then. Literally threw the girl onto a boat and had her shipped out of Johnny’s life before things got too serious. But I did it to protect him. To save him from himself and his fucking heart from another heartbreak. Now, I had to save my own.
