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His eyes flash and for a second, I almost believe he is upset and then his expression closes off and he says roughly, “I never promised you hearts and flowers, Purity. This is a business arrangement. You help me and I educate you. I fail to see what has caused you to be disappointed about that.”
I stare at the frozen screen and regard the two actors staring lovingly into one another’s eyes and I sigh.
“I have been learning about love.”
The tears burn behind my eyes as I remember how good those movies made me feel. I smiled. My heart fluttered, and I cheered them on, hoping they would get the happily ever after that they worked so hard to achieve.
I lift my eyes to my husbands and say wearily, “I have learned a valuable lesson today.”
He nods. “Go on.”
“That it only works if you both want the same thing.”
“What do you want, Purity?”
His voice is like smooth silk caressing my body and it gives me a moment’s hope that he will agree with me.
“I want you to make love to me, Killian, because you want to and not because you are paying me to.”
“Pretty Woman, if I’m not mistaken.” He appears amused and my face flames as I realize he’s right.
“If you like, but it applies to me too.”
I look down and play with my fingers that sit nervously in my lap. “I just want to know what love is, Killian.”
“It’s a song by Foreigner, Purity.”
I stare at him with mounting anger and snap. “Stop making fun of me. I’m trying to be serious here.”
He sighs heavily and then, to my surprise, rises from his seat and drops down before me on his heels, taking my hands in his and staring at me with a soft smile.
“You want to know what love is? You are asking the wrong man.”
I am compelled to look at him because the sudden sadness in his eyes curls light fingers around my heart and holds it prisoner.
“I don’t know the meaning of the word. It has passed me by my entire life. You see, my life wasn’t that different from yours.”
He strokes my hand, and it feels so nice, and he stares into my eyes and whispers, “Like you, my parents ignored me for most of the time. Unlike you, I had my grandparents to fill the void. Was it love? It didn’t feel like it. You see, my grandfather is emotionless, much like I am, and my brother is the same. We were raised to have no emotion, no compassion and no tenderness.”
“Why?” I stare at him in shock, and he shrugs as if it’s of no consequence.
“Because of the world we were born into. To succeed in it you must park emotion somewhere and forget where you left it.”
He reaches out and strokes my face tenderly, causing my eyes to fill with unshed tears as he soothes my troubles away.
“I can’t promise you love, Purity, and I expect none in return, but I apologize for scaring you.”
“You did.” I sniff as I stare at him through wounded eyes. “It’s as if the minute your rings went on my finger, you became hard and unapproachable. You appeared angry with me and wanted to punish me for something, but I don’t know why.”
I take a deep breath and say in a whisper. “You scared me, Killian. You made me question everything and if this is what your idea of education is, I’d rather remain ignorant.”
He nods and says fairly, “Your request has been noted and I will try to be gentler in the future. Unless you want me to revisit the harder approach when you become more accustomed to me.”
“Why would I want that? The hard approach, I mean.”
I’m surprised he even said it, and he grins, his eyes gleaming with a malevolence that holds me spellbound.
“Because plunging into darkness can be addictive. It is fascinating, thrilling and compelling. Not knowing what is coming, what kind of pleasure will challenge your ideas of good and evil. The thrill of something forbidden, knowing it brings you immeasurable pleasure. That is what I can offer you, Purity, but for now I’ll take it slower and demonstrate a different approach. Gentler, more like your idea of love. Would that call off the dogs and redeem myself in your eyes, Bella?”
