AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I walk backward toward our place as I say goodbye to Otis, and my entire body fills with pins and needles of anticipatory excitement when she loops her arms around my waist from behind, peering at Otis around me. I place my hands on hers and even though I’m sweaty as fuck from helping him carry boxes of crap upstairs, I love the feel of her cheek against my back.
“Have a good time, though, and hey, we’re neighbors now so… keep it down,” I say with a wink. Otis levels me a serious gaze.
“He’s kidding,” Scarlett clarifies, which makes Otis let out a relieved sigh, draping a palm on his chest.
I lock our door and slide the chain on. When I turn, she crashes into me, settling against my chest, sweaty shirt clinging to me.
“I started on the sushi without you. It’s probably a lot uglier than when you make it but… I wanted you to have extra time tonight.” She lifts her gaze, her chin resting on my chest as she peers up at me. “I thought after your shower but before we eat, we can call Valerie. Together.”
Nerves stir up inside me, bringing the dormant parts of me to life. It’s not going to be easy but I want to make the call. I want to move on.
“Okay,” I reply, dragging my fingers through the sides of her hair, wanting to touch her everywhere but not wanting to mess up her bun. “That’s a good plan.”
“Yeah?” she asks, like she wasn’t sure of the proposal.
I kiss the tip of her nose. “Yeah. I want to do it, so we can move forward.” We both know what I mean by that, that I can’t freely make love to her like we both want until I can free my mind from that last piece tethering me to the past.
Her eyes veer around the room with unease, and I realize then that she’s nervous about this call, too. I do what I know calms her, but in truth, I know it will calm me, too.
“Come sit,” I say, feeding my fingers through hers, walking her to the couch. She sits and I lower to my knees at her feet, placing my palms on her. My thumbs stroke the arches of her bare feet, then I move to her calves, kneading, worshiping.
“Can I tell you what you mean to me?” My voice is raspy and raw as the emotion building for the impending call surfaces. I don’t fight it. I don’t fight anything with her, or she with me.
She nods, but doesn’t speak, her eyes a little misty.
“You made me see that I can be happy, and that…” my voice breaks as my head droops between my shoulders. The words still don’t feel like the total truth, but that’s part of why I have to make the phone call tonight. “That I deserve to move on, to find myself. To love again. To live again.”
Scarlett takes my head in her hands, planting a soft kiss to my hair. She cradles my face in her palms. “You deserve so much. I wish you knew before we met, but I’m glad you know now.” Her thumb strokes my cheek bone and everything in my torso warms at her touch. “You deserve it all, my wonderfully kind man. And I’m going to give you everything I can.”
At her feet, I make a decision. “Let’s call now. I’ll shower after.”
It’s possible I’ll need a moment alone after, too. Because I haven’t heard Valerie’s voice for so long. And it’s rare for me to speak of Addie aloud. I think about her all the time, but outwardly, I keep it close to the vest. I know it’s going to be hard.
I take a seat next to her on the couch, searching Valerie’s name on my phone. Scarlett watches me type my last name after Valerie’s first, and her voice is quiet when she asks, “Do you think she still goes by your name?”
I shake my head, because I have no clue. When I left Michigan, I never looked back. Everything important to me was underground or in my heart. “Not sure.”
A number comes back belonging to Valerie, showing her living in Michigan, a town a few away from where we lived together. Closer to her sister, whom I believe will never leave her lakeside bungalow.
I click the number, and put it on speakerphone, and my heart leaps into my throat as the ring bounces off of the apartment walls. Scarlett rests her forearm on my back, letting her fingers play at the ends of my hair, pressing kisses to my bicep.
The call, which I’ve thought of making no less than a thousand goddamn times, feels much more possible with Scarlett next to me.Fuck, life does too.
“Hello?” Valerie’s voice is soft and calm, but I’m still jerked back to that night, to her panicked voice at two in the morning. My stomach swirls but Scarlett drops a hand to my knee, squeezing to remind me she’s there.
“Valerie,” I say, the word almost sounding new on my tongue at this point.
The line is quiet, the ether between us loaded with pain and grief.
“Co-Cohen?”
I look over at Scarlett, and her soft eyes urge me on. “Yeah, it’s Cohen.” I pause, because I hadn’t thought of this in detail and I’m not sure where to start. “How... how are you? How have you been?”
Valerie swallows, and there’s some rustling that leads me to believe she’s going somewhere private. “I’ve been… a lot of things. But now, I’m good.” She sighs, and I feel the weight of it from here. “How have you been?”
She’s so calm, and there isn’t even a trace of anger in her voice. I don’t know how she couldn’t be filled with rage. Something terrible happened to us. And I blamed her, then myself, and then fought with her, picked on us until we were nothing, and then I left.
I’m a fucking asshole, and a second wave of undeserving guilt washes over me.
