Page 48 of Cruel Hate

He raked his hands through his disheveled dark hair, making it stand up at odd angles, then went to the opposite side of the room on stiff legs and leaned against the wall. Crossing his arms, he leveled me with a cool look. “Everything is always about you.”

Even though his voice was quiet, I felt the power of his words as if he’d slapped me. I had no comeback. Maybe I was wrong—not for defending myself or Phoenix, but for crashing his date and not caring.

“It always is, Aspen.” Still, his voice was low and even-toned. “I have a life, too, not that you ask me about what’s going on. The world hasn’t stopped for everyone else just because you got with the hot football god, banged his pretty little brain out, and got yourself knocked up.”

I sucked in a breath, blinking away tears. “What the hell, Max?” On shaky feet, I stood, shocked that he thought that about me.

“I liked Elias.”

Oh wow, okay. But he needed to open his eyes. That guy was an asshole who clearly hated me. If Max stayed with him, I was sure the time would come when he had to make a choice, and I was fairly certain I wouldn’t be the one to push an ultimatum. I stepped toward the door and rested my hand on the handle. I didn’t open it, sensing he had more to say, even if I didn’t want to hear what that was.

“He wasn’t an asshole to me. And it’s not for you to decide.”

I jerked my head down in a nod, unable to say that I was sorry. I was, but only for the hurt I’d caused. I left quietly, making sure the door didn’t slam behind me. Then I was in my room, not remembering the walk to get there.

I toed off my shoes and changed into my most comfy pajamas. Usually, Max was the guy I would call after a shitty argument. But that one had been with him, and I had no one left. Tears slid down my cheeks, dampening my pillowcase. Was I really so selfish that I never asked how Max was doing or took an interest in his life? Had I made everything about me?

The walls felt like they were closing in around me. People left the dorms or came in, their muted voices filtering through the door or window, and I’d never felt more alone in my life.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

PHOENIX

Iwished I could go back to Friday night’s game, but I couldn’t, so I spent quite a bit of time just lying in bed and staring at the ceiling.

Saturday had dawned with a cloud of apprehension. I saw no way out of what I had to do that night. I still didn’t understand why Grandad had demanded that I throw the fight. I saw no legitimate reason for it.

It was almost time to leave, and as usual, Shane wasn’t home. If I’d ever needed him, it was the time. Throwing a game or a fight or any kind of cheating really didn’t sit right with me. I’d never done that before. It sure as fuck would have been nice to know why Grandad had threatened me with Aspen’s dad’s job and her health insurance to get me to do it. Because there had to have been a reason aside from testing my loyalty to do as I was told.

I needed to talk to Shane about it. We were brothers, twins. We’d shared a womb, for fuck’s sake.

All I could do was suck it up and get the fight over with. I glanced around the room one last time, stalling. Shane’s half looked like a tornado’d hit it, except for his bed, which was sort of made and barely slept in. I had no idea where my brother had been crashing.

I kept my clothes in the laundry hamper, not all over the floor, chair, and bed. We’d always been opposites in organizational skills. His mess should have been a hindrance, but it wasn’t. He didn’t struggle with school, and the chaos of his surroundings never bothered him. I’d always felt out of control because of how hard it was to read, so I tried my best with the things I could regulate, like keeping my room and everything else in my life orderly.

I was screwing up big time with Aspen. In spite of my little epiphany the night before, I still hadn’t called her.I’ll do better. I just had to make it through a shit show of a fight.

I didn’t know who my opponent would be. And part of me wondered if Grandad had a sick sense of humor and it would be Shane.

Keys in hand, I went to the door but stopped short when it opened. I blinked twice just to make sure I didn’t imagine Shane. “Hey, where’ve you been?” I couldn’t stop the question from spilling out.

He shrugged then dropped his gym bag on the floor, not looking at me once. There was something off about him. “Around. Just busy.” He riffled through a pile of clothes until he found whatever he needed. Then he unzipped the bag and stuffed a few things inside.

Two defensive ends walked past our room. I waved, acknowledging them as they went down the hall. It was Sunday night, and most were studying or going to the fights.

I watched Shane fidget, something he didn’t often do unless he was worried. He was acting shifty. Maybe trying to talk to him was a bad idea.

He leaned against his desk and crossed his arms over his chest. “Damon said you have a tutor. How’s that going?”

I shrugged, a small smirk playing at the corners of my mouth. Aspen had been fierce, and once I got over myself, I liked her helping me instead of Noel. Listening to her voice and having her so close for the short time we had to study when I wasn’t training had turned out to be my favorite part of the day. “Aspen kicked her out. She’s reading the chapters to me now.” I was still mad at him for essentially ghosting me with school, but it was nice that he was home and talking longer than the few seconds it took him to grab clothes.

Shane threaded his hands behind his neck and tilted his head back. “Look… There’s just been some stuff going on, and… I’ve got to go, but we should talk later.”

“I have a fight. Don’t you?” It irritated me that I didn’t even know. Damon wasn’t scheduled tonight and wasn’t going to do it anymore. Cole had already stopped. It was just Shane and me, but maybe he’d pulled out too. I wouldn’t know, as he never fucking talked to me anymore. I didn’t move from where I’d stopped. My feet had grown roots. “Shane?”

“Oh, no. I’m not fighting tonight. But I’ll be there, and we’ll talk after.” He grabbed his bag. “Later.”

I got a text with the new location and waited a minute to calm down before heading out myself. My stomach was a mass of nerves.

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