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I sigh and run a hand through my hair.
When Olivia called me, telling me about how happy and relieved she felt now that her mother accepted us, I couldn't help but hear the echoes of her mother's words. Olivia had narrated her mother's words to me on the phone, excited and hoping I would react the same. I tried my best to make sure I shared her happiness. However, in reality, I was containing my worries.
"As long as Ethan takes care of you and makes you happy."
I always thought that it would be Olivia who would fret over the wedding like this, and I would be there to calm her. Yet here I am second guessing all my words and actions with the intimidating thought of our wedding looming over me like a shadow. I don't want to fear our wedding as if it is something horrible. I don’t doubt that marrying Olivia and having the honor of being called her husband will make me the happiest man alive.
However, will it make Olivia the happiest girl alive? Will I be able to make her happy for the rest of her life like her mother wants? Or maybe she would have better chances with someone else. I’m not perfect, and perfect is what Olivia deserves.
"How can I marry her if there might be someone out there who is perfect for her? How do I know that I won't ruin her life?"
My voice cracks at the end of my statement as I think aloud in the empty room. My hand quivers, and a voice inside me gloats that I’m weak and selfish, too selfish to let Olivia have a better chance at finding love. Instead, I have her trapped to myself.
I take deep breaths and try to stay calm, slowing the erratic, panicked beating of my heart. I shut my eyes tight to envelope myself in darkness and curl on the floor. My phone buzzes, but I ignore it, unable to move.
"All the wedding preparations are almost complete. Why are you thinking about this now?" I ask myself in frustration with no answer.
I stay curled up for what seems like hours, unable to tell how much time has passed. I faintly hear the sound of my front door opening, but I ignore it. Who would visit me? It was probably just my imagination.
"Ethan?"
I slowly raise my head at the familiar voice. It isn't possible. She said she would be busy for the whole day. Olivia opens the door to my room with a gorgeous smile, bursting with happiness as she looks around for me. I feel ashamed when her eyes lose their spark, and her smile drops the second she finds me sitting on the floor with my knees to my chest.
"Ethan! What's wrong? Are you okay?"
Olivia drops her purse on my bed and kneels next to me.
"Honey, what's wrong?" she asks as she places her hands on my face, gently stroking my cheeks.
A breath releases from my lips in a sigh as I take her by surprise, pulling her into my lap and hiding my face in her back as my arms wrap around her. She gasps at my sudden movements but quickly settles down when realizing what I am trying to do. We stay silent for a bit, and my head slowly travels to her shoulder for rest.
"Are you ready now?" she asks quietly, and I respond by nodding.
"Then tell me what's wrong? You know we promised not to hide stuff from each other anymore."
"I know, but it's stupid."
"What is?"
"I'm, I'm thinking if this is a good idea."
"What do you mean?"
I clear my throat and force myself to continue.
"Are you sure you want to marry me? I mean, I'm a menace, I act like a child, I have trouble communicating sometimes, and I'm sure someone is amazing out there who is perfect for you. Yet, I dare to keep you chained to me."
"Hm, that's funny."
Olivia shifts till she faces me, but her eyes are busy inspecting her arms and legs.
"What's funny?"
"I don't see any chains on me."
"Olivia,"
"And it's funny how you have graciously taken all the credit for our relationship as if I am just a brainless doll following your whims."
