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I did not expect to end the call on a positive note. I really thought I was going to get fired and would be hanging my head in shame as I packed my bags. Instead of writing copy for a social media post announcing my departure from the tour, I am fighting back the urge to run around, scream, and jump on the bed like a kid on Christmas morning. I was courageous and honest and the universe rewarded my actions. I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders. I’m free to date Jax Slater—which still blows my mind to even say—and I get to keep my job. Just as I am running my hands across my face in relief, Jax walks onto the bus holding two cups of coffee.
“Uh, oh. Bad call?” he asks me with concern as he places the coffee cups on the table.
“Unbelievably great call, actually,” I say and then stand up to meet him. “I still have a job and Marisol agrees we can go public.”
Jax twirls me in his arms and plants a big, wet kiss on my face. The scent of hazelnut coffee beans lingers in the air as he playfully slaps my backside and tells me, “That’s amazing. See, I told you it would all work out.”
“We still have some details to consider, like how we want to handle the fact that I’m the mystery woman. But Marisol wants to start by having you release a statement to the media. I’ll draft a few options for you today and we can go over them before we send along, to get her thoughts.”
Jax shakes his head. “No need. I already know my statement.”
“Which is?”
“I’ve unapologetically fallen for someone who brings a new energy to my life.”
Trash the Dress Online Chat
Harper:Can someone remind me what the upside of divorce is again? Having a rough day.
Julie:Divorce gave me the opportunity to explore my feelings for women.
28
JAX SLATER AND CAILIN MCCALL FOLLOW THEIR PASSIONS
JAX
I was soworried about what Marisol would say to Cailin. I had various speeches prepared in my head in case she got fired or tried to end things with me. Luckily, I didn’t have to use them. Cailin grabbed my face and planted her lips on mine as soon as she heard the statement that I want to release.
“I never would have drafted a quote like that,” she says.
“That’s because you don’t know how I really feel, or realize how much you’re changing my life,” I say.
When Cailin told me that I need to release a statement, I wanted to come right out and say ‘I’m in love.’ Because I am. I love her. My heart is one hundred percent filled with love for this woman. It’s never too soon. When you know, you know. Which I now understand.
I want her to know, too. I want to shock the world and tell everyone that I have moved out of my post-breakup slump. I’m no longer mourning my relationship with Maxine. In fact, I’m more disgusted with myself for putting up with her for so long. But it took meeting Cailin to realize what I really want in a woman.
I decided to say I ‘unapologetically’ fell for her because I don’t care that a relationship like ours can be frowned upon. I know it can be looked at as a press stunt for attention. I know it’s going to bring trouble for Cailin at work. I know people are going to say that she’s just another one of my conquests. None of that is going to stop me because I also know the truth. Hopefully, Cailin feels the same way.
As Cailin and I continue to explore each other’s bodies, I think about how I understand now when people say you can’t choose who you love. It just happens. Love is a force beyond your control. Looking back, I think I chose to care about Maxine because the media fawned over us together. Two pop icons make quite the headlines. It felt good to get that attention. Maxine and I both thrived from the praise we got every time we landed a cover story. We had chemistry. I had love for her, but it wasn’t pure, true love. Not like this. I put up with certain things against my better judgment and then it all came crashing down.
I felt lost and was angry with myself. I hid as a way to face what happened. After a while of that, I lost interest in dating. I was so over the games of Hollywood. I just wanted to feel normal. And staying home allowed me to feel like myself, not Jax from 5 Leo Hearts.
Then, I met Cailin. Just one look at her, and I knew everything was going to change. In just a short time, she has brought a new confidence and excitement into my life. I want to experience things with her, no matter who is around. She makes me feel better than I ever have in all my years. She fills an emptiness. Cailin gives me something to look forward to and offers me encouragement and support. She’s dedicated and humble. I want her to be mine forever.
At this point, Cailin and I are on top of each other, fully clothed, but I feel my completely naked soul. I sit up and break away from Cailin. I need to capture this.
“Is everything okay?” she asks. I get up and grab a notebook and pen.
“I just got inspired,” I tell her. I open my notebook and begin writing lyrics that just flow out of me like a dam that has been holding back flood water for years.
“Well, don’t let me stop you from your creative process.” Cailin grabs a book and settles on the couch. I appreciate this. She isn’t demanding my attention, like so many other people. She’s giving me some space and taking advantage of time to herself to indulge in her own passions.
As I write, I pour my heart and soul into each verse. I think about the first time I saw her on video chat, the moment I gave her a hug at my house, our first kiss, and everything that’s led up to this point. The chorus is a future stadium anthem. I know it. This is the single.
I just need to write the music, record it, and send it off to A&R. If this is not the song, then I don’t know what else I can do to please these people. This song is me at my most vulnerable. I explored fears, feelings, and dreams I have never admitted to myself. I wrapped them up on a summary of how Cailin has made me a better man. How I will never apologize for loving her, because by loving her, I’ve also learned to fully love myself. But I don’t want her to know yet. I want to sing the full song to her once it’s ready.
I have a guitar melody in my head, but I’ll focus on the music another day. That burst of inspiration has drained all my creativity and I want to come back to the music when I’m fresh. Right now, I need to replenish my body. I need my greatest source of energy. I need Cailin.
