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As I rushoff the dock, I think back to the tour schedule. What day is it? Tonight is the last night of tour. New York City. If I hurry, I can drop Hope off with my mom and make it to the show on time.
Once there, Hope is happy to see my mom, but I feel like I’m leaving my child at daycare for the first time. I just rescued her and now I’m leaving her. Will she be confused and think I abandoned her like her previous owner? How much more pain can her heart take?
I remind myself that my mom loves dogs and Hope will probably be spoon-fed dog-safe peanut butter while getting a belly rub by the time I leave the house. My mom was a bit confused as to my hurry, but I told her I would fill her in on the details later. I’m sure she already texted Gemma and they’re going back and forth with their own theories.
As always, I follow the speed limit as I drive home, but inside, my heart is racing. Hurry, hurry, hurry; it urges me with each beat. I need to shower and find the perfect outfit. Then I need to figure out the best route to the city without hitting traffic. I can take a train, or maybe I should take a car service. I won’t drive in because then I’ll spend an hour trying to find parking.
As I quickly shampoo and condition my hair, I decide to take the train. There’s a direct line that will bring me close to the venue. I’ll wear sneakers so I can run if I’m pressed for time. I don’t know what exactly I’m going to do or say when I see Jax. First, I want to tell him I forgive him for something I know he didn’t even do. Then I need to beg forgiveness because I jumped to conclusions and didn’t give him a chance to explain his side of the story, like he pleaded. I’m no worse than the tabloid reporters who spread lies about him. And I’m the one person who should know better than anyone the kind of man Jax Slater is: humble, fiercely protective of those he loves, incredibly giving, and someone I can rely on to lift me up through anything life throws my way.
I quickly towel dry my hair, lather on the scented lotion that drives Jax wild, and pull my hair into a loose bun. It will dry on the way to the show and I don’t have time for anything more. I’m not flawless and I’ve proved that loud and clear. I slip into my favorite pair of blue jeans that are ripped at the knees. I just need a shirt.
I packed all my favorite tops. I dump my entire suitcase onto the floor, get on my knees and dig through the pile. I throw everything I don’t want across the room. It’s not until I reach the bottom of the pile that I find the perfect tee. The “I Love Jax Slater” fan shirt that Hayley gave me when tour first started. That will let Jax know the moment he sees me that I’m sorry and I’m his.
Dressed and ready to go, I throw my essentials into a black mini quilted nylon backpack, and dash to the train station. If my estimates are correct, I’ll get to the concert just as the show starts. I have my crew badge, so hopefully there will be no issues getting past security. Technically, I can text Harry or Hayley, but I don’t want anyone to know I’m on my way.
* * *
JAX
Harry is right. The show must go on, even if I am still waiting to hear from Cailin. I tried to call her and text her again, but I still must be blocked. She’s still not reading the messages I send on social media. There’s another way I can contact her, but it’s too risky. I have her work email, but I don’t know who monitors that and I don’t want anyone else to read about our private matters. I’ll have to sort this out later because it’s time to hit the stage.
Before each show, the band and I stand in a circle with our arms around each other and express our gratefulness for this opportunity. Then, we all throw in our hands and chant something. Each night, a different person chooses the word we end on that gets us all pumped to perform. Tonight it’s my turn, but I can’t think of anything other than, “Let’s get this over with!”
I wait a few moments alone behind the curtain while the band takes their places behind their instruments on stage. The entire arena is black. I see dim lights from cell phones that fans have raised into the air, waiting for me. Not 5 Leo Hearts, just me. This entire tour, I’ve been worried about how people would respond and it turns out I have some of the most dedicated fans. Even through this chaos, my fans are defending me on social media. I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve them.
This is it, the last show of the tour. It might not be one of worldwide tours that I did back in the day with 5 Leo Hearts, but it’s just as significant in my life. Standing here, alone, as the headliner for a New York City show, I’m reminded of how far I have come.
From the young boy whose mom signed him up for dance, music, and acting classes, with the pure goal of doing activities that I enjoyed, to the teenager who was given the opportunity of a lifetime to turn the talents he honed into a career. I never went to high school like a normal kid, but I had a tutor and graduated from the school of life. I never even wanted to be famous. I just wanted to entertain people and make them happy as my contribution to the world.
But music also contributed to my own life. It gave me an escape from my broken childhood. Growing up without a father, I sometimes doubted I was worthy of love. Yes, I have my mom and my grandmother, who dedicated their lives to my needs. But if my own father didn’t love me, how could I expect other people to care? The band became my family. Harry became my role model.
When 5 Leo Hearts became successful, it hit me like a tornado touching ground and flailing up everything in its path. I wasn’t prepared for fame at that age. I hadn’t developed into the person I wanted to become. Instead, I allowed the media to craft my identity. To them, I was the stereotypical bad boy. So, I lived up to it. I let others define me, and today that is the opposite of my definition of success.
I learned that you achieve what others deem as success, but it’s nothing if you aren’t being true to yourself. This album and this tour were also the reveal of the real Jax Slater. The man who never yearned for fame, but always dreamed of a normal life where he had the luxury of making a career from his passions.
After meeting Cailin, I can confirm that happiness doesn’t come from material items. It’s not the big house or the private jet. It’s the little moments with people you care about. It’s looking into someone’s eyes and knowing they can read your mind. It’s sitting next to each other in comfortable silence.
I found that in Cailin. Yes, she had my photos on her walls, which can be a bit uncomfortable to think about at first. But she saw past the posters and recognized that I am more than a centerfold and worthy of being loved for who I am outside of fame. That’s what’s so refreshing about her compared to all the other girls I’ve dated. I can see a real future with Cailin and I will not give up until I can talk to her about the situation.
Cailin has inspired me to get out of my comfort zone and do things like go out in public. Honestly, I don’t even know if I would have written that hit song for the A&R department if I didn’t feel the emotions I’ve experienced with her presence in my life. I can only manifest—as Cailin likes to say—and envision that she has read my letter, teared up over the lyrics, and will come back to me.
After I get off stage, my dream of a solo tour will have been accomplished. The crew will pack up and go home to their loved ones. And I will go home, alone, to the most materialistic city in the world. My heart, as empty as my house.
Trash the Dress Online Chat
Cailin:I made a big mistake! Will explain later. PRAY FOR ME!
Harper:OMG! Details!! Praying. Xo
44
JAX SLATER PERFORMS STUNT THAT MAKES CROWD WEAP
CAILIN
Breathless.Again. For someone who loathes running, I sure have been pounding the pavement a lot during my relationship with Jax. First, running out of the jet, and now, rushing to get to his final show. Luckily, I make it to the venue and get cleared by security without any problems.
As I dash through the lobby, I see Hayley. Her jaw drops and I yell that I’ll explain later. I ask security guards to point me in the direction of the stage. Finally, I make it. Harry sees me and nods his head.
