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Iam a selfish asshole.Becauseat the offer of a blowjob,Idecide to let this go.Fornow, at least.
chaptersixty-five
selena
“Hi,Val,”Isay with a wave asIhead to my car in the garage. “You’rehere early.”
“Goodmorning,Selena.JacksonandIhad an early meeting.NewYorktime.”
Ah, that’s whyIwoke up in an empty bed.NotthatI’mgrumpy about it or anything.ButIhad a really vivid sex dream aboutJacksonfighting his characterVampireVincentfromRaven’sRavineover me, and then me telling them all they needed to do was learn toshare.So, whenIwoke up after the two of them learning how to share,Ireally could have used the realJacksonto finish what my two dreamJacksonsstarted.Ididn’t feel likehandlingit myself, so that gave me a horny, grumpy start to my day.Andnow here isVal.Inmy inner sanctum, that’s just forJackson,Oats, and me.
“Thephotographs from the announcement were perfect.Youtwo almost make me believe in love.IfIdidn’t know better,I’dbelieve you twowereactually in love.”
“Right, thanks.”Ithink. “Youdon’t believe in love?”
“I’vebeen divorced four times.Ibelieve in falling in love.Lovejust doesn’t stick around, in my experience.Butyou two are so damn adorable together, you’ve almost got me ready to marry husband number five.Andit’s not even real!”
“Thanks,Iguess…”
“Youever think about acting, kid?Youlet me know.”
“Oh, that’s not for me.It’sreally not for me.Idon’t thinkI’dbe a very good actress at all.EverythingIthink kind of ends up on my face.”
“Inever would have known.Butthat’s not exactly great for an acting career!”
“IguessI’mglad we’re that convincing.That’sthe whole point of all this, isn’t it?”
JacksonandIare so good at pretending we’re in love that we’ve convinced everyone around us.Unfortunately, we’ve also managed to convinceme.
“Exactly.”
“Haveyou given any thought to how you two are going to end it?”Valasks, like she’s asking about something as simple and inoffensive as the weather.Whenshe’s actually asking about something as unhinged as gummy bears coming alive and eating everyoneIlove.
“Uh, no.Iknow we’re almost at the end of the two months, butI…Ihaven’t thought too much about it.Wehaven’t really talked about it.”
“Okay, great.Well, we can figure that out.Notime like the present, right?That’swhatI’mhere for,”Valnods, and chews on the arm of her big, black designer sunglasses. “Wedon’t want anything too dramatic.Wedon’t wantJacksonto look like the bad guy…”
“WhywouldJacksonlook like the bad guy?”Thewords are out of my mouth beforeIcan stop them.Ofcourse,Jacksonwould be the one to dump me and break my pretend heart.Onlyhe won’t just be breaking a pretend heart.He’sgoing to tear the real one up into a thousand pieces, making a million tiny cuts, until my heart is full of holes like a paper snowflake atChristmas.
“Theceleb breaking up with the normie?Nota good look.”Valnarrows her eyes at me. “Noneed to reinvent the wheel.Wecan just say that distance was too hard.Jacksonis going to be on set inAustraliafor most of the next ten years.Ican just push it out quietly that you still care about each other, but that you ended it because of the distance.Soundgood?”
She’snodding at me, andIknow thatI’msupposed to assure her it all sounds fantastic.She’sproviding me with a seamless, no-embarrassment plan to end my fake relationship withJackson.Butmy mouth won’t form the words.Ican’t bring myself to thank her for any of this.Notwhen it hurts so much thatIcan’t breathe.
Inod my agreement.Becausethere’s nothing else for me to do.Jacksonisn’t mine.Henever was.Andhe never will be.
“Wonderful!Ihave to get to the office.Thanksfor everything,Selena!”
Thanksfor everything?Didshe know what she was thanking me for?Didshe know she was thanking me for sleeping withJackson?Forfalling in love with him?Forbreaking my heart by letting him go?
Partof me wants to go findJacksonand make him hold me in his arms untilIfeel better.Butthe rest of me knows nothing is going to make this better.Becausepretty soon,Jacksonwon’t be around to hold me.AndIbetter get used to that.
Yeah, this day is off to a great freaking start.
* * *
Spoileralert.Myday did not get better.Moretraining mishaps at the bakery.Moreover-priced commercial kitchens thatIcould never in a million years afford.
Forthe last couple of years,Ladycakeshas been holding steady.Steadystaff.Steadyorders.Buttrying to grow is messy.Ican’t expect everything to go smoothly.ButwhenIknow that my fake-but-not-fake-at-all-to-me relationship is about to implode,Idon’t thinkIcan handle every aspect of my life being in shambles.Howmuch mess is one woman supposed to take?
