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“I need to be confident in my submissive before I can be confident in myself. If I cannot trust that person to communicate clearly I will not enter a scene, and it is grounds for removing the dynamic.”
I gasp. “Breaking up?”
“Typically it is recoverable. But in some cases it becomes clear that a submissive is a red flag. There are as many red flag submissives out there as there are red flag dominants.”
Silence fills the room again as I mull his words over in my head. “I don’t think this is red flag territory. I think this is just a really awful accident. He even said earlier we shouldn’t play, but I convinced him...” My breathing is shuddery as I try to steady myself. “It’s just about figuring out how we can both move forward from this.” Shivering, I pull my arms tight around my body. “I don’t think I ever want to be spanked again. Ever.”
Even as the words come out of my mouth I’m aware that they’re a lie. I love being spanked. I can’t imagine a world where I don’t get a bruised ass ever again.
Perhaps never again with a paddle.
“I do not believe Thor to be a red flag dominant. But only you can know if your dynamic can recover from this. If the trust is lost completely, it can be hard to repair. But the relationship is often stronger because of it.”
It takes another fifteen minutes of sitting in silence listening to Kenzie’s boyfriend’s heart thrumming in his chest before I’m ready to stand up. Kenzie hurries through to the main bathroom, topping up the now cool bath with fresh hot water.
She turns to leave, but I grab her hand. “Can you both stay?”
Paige, who still hasn’t said a word, nods, stepping toward me. “Of course we can.” She helps me get undressed, and it’s hard to miss the wince when Kenz spots the already blossoming bruise on my ass.
If I’d gotten it the regular way, working up to it, earning each small increase in his strikes, I’d be wearing it as a badge of honor right now. But all I feel when I catch a glimpse of my mottled butt in the mirror as I climb cautiously into the tub, is sadness.
CHAPTER25
Thor
Addison
Staying here for the day tomorrow, I’ll be back x
Austin had already givenme a heads up that Addison was staying over at their place. Kenzie stopped by to pick up an overnight bag after Adi went to bed. I half expected Kenzie to punch me in the face, but she surprised me with a bone-crunching hug instead.
“She’s okay,” she assures me. “She’s asleep. Exhausted.”
Nodding, I sink my teeth into my lip in a bid to avoid the tears threatening to spill down my face. I did it again. I pushed a submissive I love across the line. I let my emotions get the better of me, played when I shouldn’t, and Addison paid the price for my stupidity and arrogance.
“You okay?” Kenzie’s piercing blue stare weighs heavily on my face. “Stupid question. Do you have someone you can talk to? Do you need me to send Austin over?”
I already told Austin no, twice. He insisted I needed to talk it out and that everything would be okay. I wish I had his faith. Addison doesn’t want a fuck up for a dominant. She deserves better. If it was a one off, I’d say it’s fixable, but this is the second woman I’ve hurt.
I knew we shouldn’t have played tonight. I fucking knew it. But instead of listening to my head, or my heart, I led with my cock. What a fucking idiot.
I guess technically I led with my hand and a paddle. Fucking idiot.
Self-loathing crawls over my body like fire ants, each waiting to take up position before they all sink their teeth into me at the same time.
“I’ll be okay.”
She doesn’t look like she believes me. I don’t blame her, I don’t believe me either. Slade’s visiting Protocol Cedar Rapids, and while part of me is tempted to hop a flight to Iowa to talk to him, that feels like somewhat of an overreaction.
Maybe.
Is anything an overreaction when it comes to the person you love?
After an hour pacing the floors of the house, it’s obvious I’m not going to pull myself out the other side of this by myself. Mom’s still in Seattle, she won’t be here for another couple weeks, and I can’t leave Matty by himself upstairs.
He deserves better than to wake up in the morning to a fucked up father. I owe it to him to figure this out.
With a heavy sigh, and an overbearing sense of epic failure, I shoot off a text to some of the house doms asking if anyone is free and able to come to my house.
