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“Marge, would you quittrying to speak Spanish?” Alice scolded as the taxi wound through the streets. “I think we’ve established at this point you’re terrible at it. Last night you ordered for us in Spanish, and instead of ordering steaks, you got us fish. The one thing none of us wanted.”
Marge furrowed her brow. “It’s not my fault I’m the only one who could read the words on the menu. You girls looked like you were gonna strain your necks leaning forward and backward trying to get the text to focus.” She started mimicking the way the three of us had been weaving, bringing the menu closer and farther, trying to read the words.
“I forgot my readers,” I pouted.
Sylvie sucked the air through her teeth. “Yeah. It’s about time I get some readers. Aging eyes are no joke. I feel like my grandma anytime I’m trying to read.”
Alice huffed. “Well, I don’t need readers. My eyes are perfectly fine, thank you very much.”
Marge snorted. “You were the worst of all!” She started telescoping her neck in and out, eyes bulging while she teased Alice. “Maybe we need to get you some Coke-bottle glasses.”
“The lighting was dim, and the type was unusually small,” she defended.
“Or you need readers,” Sylvie joined in on the teasing. “Don’t worry. You’ll look gorgeous in glasses.”
Alice arched an eyebrow, her jaw stiffening. “I don’t need old lady glasses. I just need menus that weren’t made for, you know, ants.”
Marge burst out laughing. “Well, when your pride realizes you’ll look much better in glasses than some kind of Yo-Yo necked menu reader, you just let us know. We’ll stop at Walmart and grab you a pair.”
Alice’s lips nearly disappeared with how hard she pressed them together. “I don’t need readers, and if I did,” she said, lifting her finger and waving it at us, “which Idon’t,I would most certainlynotget them at ...” She stopped, pulling a face and closing her eyes. “Walmart.”
“Well, you’re welcome for bailing you all out of your old lady eyes jam. And yeah, so I accidentally ordered fish. Make fun of my Spanish all you want, but without me, none of you blindies would have eaten. So there.”
Alice propped her elbow on the door and looked at Marge. “Your Spanish sucks, Marge. Pretty soon, you’re gonna try to speak Spanish and end up saying the wrong thing, piss someone off, and get us kidnapped and ransomed. You don’t speak Spanish. And who knows what you just said to the driver. Stop.”
“I was just trying to have a conversation with him.” She crossed her arms and sat back against the taxi seat. “I think I did a good job. At least I’m trying to be respectful and use the local language instead of assuming everyone speaks English. We’re not in America, you know.”
“I actually do speak English,” the driver said clearly, though his accent was strong.
“You do?” Alice sat up. “Can you tell me what she just said to you?”
He chuckled.
“Oh no. Is it bad?” Sylvie asked.
“Well, if she was trying to ask me if I put the blue dog in the toilet in a meadow, then she did great.”
Marge pulled her lips back in a cringe. “Whoops.”
Alice smacked her arm. “See! You don’t speak Spanish! Stop saying weird shit to all the locals!”
Furrowing her brow, she slumped back. “Fine. But I thought I was doing a good job.”
“You tried, dear.” I patted her arm. “And it’s the thought that counts.”
Alice brushed a piece of her perfect hair out of her eyes. “Well, try harder to not say things that may get us kidnapped. That’s a thing you know.”
“Wait. It is?” I sat up straight. “We could really be kidnapped?”
“Oh, yeah.” Marge nodded her head. “Americans get kidnapped and ransomed every day. Few hundred a year at least.”
“What?” I spun in my seat to look at her, tipped my head, and tsked. “Wait. You’re just saying that to ruffle me up, aren’t you? Pulling my leg. That’s not true.” As I started to shrug off the silly notion of us getting kidnapped, I saw the cab driver grimace, and I gulped. “Or ... is it?”
“As long as you stick to the safe parts of town, you’ll be fine,” he said. “But yes. Unfortunately, it is true.”
With a gasp, I clutched my chest. Suddenly I missed my big, strong cowboy even more than I already had. I never felt scared with Axel, even camping out under the stars when there could be bears, wolves, or other wild animals around—something that would otherwise terrify me. But with Axel nearby, I knew I had nothing to worry about. I glanced around, feeling his absence even stronger now, and I suddenly felt nude down in Mexico without my husband to keep me safe.
“Why do they kidnap people? Are you sure we’re safe?”
