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The look he gives me is tortured. Agonized. And, damnit, it’s genuine. But hedidhurt me. My heart cracks, just a little because it doesn’t change how I feel.
“Please, tell me how I fix this,” he begs.
My head shakes, but maybe there is something.
“I need to know about you. About your past. Maybe,” I swallow thickly, “maybe I need to understand why you are the way you are.” I’ve never been forced before, and after what I’ve been through since being abducted, maybe knowing more about what makes Volethos this way will help.
His eyes meet mine, and for a moment, he looks at me like I just handed him the knife to cut his dick off with. But then he slowly nods. Stepping back, he eases into the chair once more.
“I told you, I’m not a good male,” he says. “I tried to be, though, and for a time I was. But there are only so many times a male can be knocked down before he either stays down or he fights back.
“My childhood was… troubled.” He pauses, as if waiting to see if I really want him to go on. When I nod, he lets out a long sigh and continues, “I was born in the gutter. Raised on the streets by whoever took pity on me. I fought, stole, cheated, and lied. I did whatever I needed to survive.
“For a while I ran with a gang. That was the first time I remember feeling somewhat safe. They became my new family. They fed me, clothed me. Showed me kindness. In return, I did anything for them. And how did they return my faithfulness and trust?” His eyes roll to the ceiling with a soft snort. “They sold me. A flesh peddler saw me; he offered the leader of our gang—a male I considered a friend—a few credits, and then they turned their backs when I was drugged and taken away.”
My jaw drops, and suddenly I’m not sure I want to hear his story after all.
“Do you want to know how I lost my tail?” he sneers at me and then goes on before I can answer his question. “I fought them. With every ounce of my strength, I lashed out with teeth, claws, and tail. Fighting them off. But they pinned me down. When I tried to cover my ass with my tail, they cut it off, and fucked me anyway. And that wasn’t even the worst of it.” His voice drops low, and he leans over his knees, his eyes boring into mine. “I learned to love it. The pain and the pleasure they inflicted on me became one and the same until I could no longer tell them apart. Until I craved it.”
I can feel tears stinging my eyes as I watch him lean back in the chair, a smug look on his face from shocking me. The worst part is that I don’t think he’s lying. In fact, I’m pretty sure he’s sugarcoating what he’s telling me.
“Things changed again when I was sold to a new master. In a lot of ways, he was the most terrifying one yet,” he says, although his mouth twitches up into a slight smile, and his eyes turn wistful. “Jarain didn’t want any of the things my previous masters wanted, and I’d learned long before that a change in routine was never a good thing. So, I did the only other thing I knew to do. I lashed out at him. I tried to run away. Eventually he wore me down and made me realize that he wasn’t like any of my previous masters. He wasn’t sick like they were. He was—”
“What was he?” I find myself asking when he doesn’t continue.
A real smile spreads across Volethos’s lips. “He was just an old mechanic. In his younger days, he worked for resistance groups that went after slavers and flesh peddlers. When he got too old for that, he’d buy up slaves when he could afford to, teach them his trade, and send them back out into the universe with a better prospect for the future than they had before.
“That’s when I learned what real safety is,” Volethos says quietly. “What real kindness and family are. That was the first time I ever felt love.”
I’m relieved he found happiness and comfort after so much trauma. That there was something of a happy ending.
“And things were better then?” I ask him, only to watch his face darken.
“No,” he says. “No, after Jarain died, Igid and I teamed up with a group of bounty hunters. Igid was another rescued slave and my first, and maybe only, real friend. Besides coming from similar backgrounds and growing up together, she was my first love. I never told her, though, or pursued it, because I knew she didn’t feel anything more than friendship for me.
“I stayed with the bounty hunters for a rev or so. Getting my first real taste of freedom. But then the universe started calling to me, and I decided to strike out on my own. It didn’t take long after that before my old habits turned into an itch beneath my skin.
“For a time, I did just fine on my own. I used my skills as a mechanic to make enough credits that I had a fairly comfortable life. But I wasn’t satisfied with that. I fell back in with the only kind of people I’d ever known, the gangs and the hustlers. Then there was drinking, drugs, and females. I started getting into trouble, and I’d have to skip to the next quadrant, where I’d just end up in the same trouble.
“That’s how I ended up working for Kurrahstka. And how I met Raela.”
I can’t help the way my jaw clenches, thinking of him with her.
“So, you two were…” I hold up two crossed fingers.
“I thought we were,” he admits. “I didn’t have enough credits to buy her out of her contract with Kurrahstka. So, I started plotting ways to steal her. I had everything in place, but when I went to her room,” he sighs, looking down at his hands resting in his lap, “she was gone, and I never saw her again. Until coming here,” he looks up at me, “with you.”
“What happened next?” I ask.
“I was so furious, I went to Kurrahstka. I accused him of taking her from me. I threatened him.” He shakes his head. “I was an idiot.”
“Is that why we’re in disguise?”
The corner of his mouth lifts. “Partially. He’d probably shoot me on sight if he knew I was here. I’m playing with fire parading around with you, right under his nose.”
“So, what is the story between you and Raela?” I ask.
He lifts a shoulder in a slight shrug. “I don’t really know. I thought I knew her. She claims she still…cares for me, but—” The flattened bridge of his nose wrinkles. “I’m not sure how much I can trust her. I suspect she’s in with Kurrahstka, whether because she’s in his bed, or he has something over her.”
