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"Was it the heat, or your part in it that caused the transformation?" I asked softly.
"The heat," he said firmly. "In the past, women have changed without an alpha present. That's part of the reason for the strain. Changing from human to Fae without any context or guidance. I'm sure it would be terrifying." He looked sympathetic. "It's terrible even if a woman knows it's coming."
I couldn't deny any of that. If he told me, I might not have believed him. This whole thing was going to take a long time for me to come to terms with.
Something else was more pressing than that.
"If I could have gone through my heat without you, would you have stayed away?"
"Would you have agreed to have me there if you didn't need me to be?" he asked in return.
"I hardly know you," I said.
"You hardly know Tavian or Vayne." His brows quirked upwards. So he did know about Vayne and I in the yard that day. I thought he must have, but this confirmed it.
I exhaled and considered the question. "I might have. But if I hadn't?"
"Then I would have made a portal and got the hells out of here," he said. "I know everything I did seems convoluted and self-serving. Maybe I'm the biggest asshole to have ever lived, but I genuinely care about you, as much as I care about any of my people. More so. I understand you're pissed off at me. You feel violated. Both of those are valid and justified. All I can offer are my reasons for doing what I did. It's your choice to decide what to do with that."
I stood back and regarded him. He was right, I felt all of that and more. Everything that happened between us was based on a lie.
24
Khala
"Would you have done any of this to a Fae woman?” I asked Ryze after a few moments of uncomfortable silence. “One who looked Fae from the start?"
"You are a Fae woman," he told me. "What you looked like before and what you look like now are inconsequential. It's who you are that mattered. That matters now."
"It matters to me," I said. "Would you?"
He sighed. "Yes. Whoever it was, whatever it took, whatever it still takes. I'll sacrifice whatever I have to."
"Even if everyone ends up hating you?"
He laughed bitterly. "What's the point of being adored if everyone is dead? On the other hand, if everyone is dead, then so am I. I don't think I'll care who hates me then."
"What about Tavian and Vayne?" I asked. "They knew everything."
"Vayne would have told you the truth if I hadn't ordered him not to," Ryze said. "He wanted us to find another way. He would have killed all the Silent Maidens to keep them away from the Summer Court. He doesn't like to do things in halves."
"I've noticed that about him," I said dryly. "And Tavian?"
"I ordered him too," Ryze said. "As an omega, he had no choice but to obey a direct order like that. Believe me, he was no happier about it than you are. Especially when he got to know you. He's the kind of man who falls hard and fast. He's been beside himself the last few days, worried about you. And pissed at me for the way everything happened."
"You'll get no sympathy from me," I told him.
"I'm not expecting any." He picked up the jug and carried it over to the tap to refill it. "I don't want you to blame them for what I did. I take full responsibility." He carried the jug back and placed it on the table. "If it'll make you feel better, I'll stand here while you throw a few more jugs of water at me."
"If I thought it would make me feel better, that's exactly what I'd do." I was tempted to do it anyway. Maybe I could make it snow on his head. Since all of that would be petty, I decided not to bother.
"Can the mating bond be broken?" I asked.
"No," he said simply. "It's in place until one of us dies. That won't be for a very long time, gods willing."
I blinked a couple of times. "Are you saying I'll live as long as the Fae?"
"You are Fae," he told me again. "That is likely to be the case, yes." He sighed. "I should have told you that, shouldn't I?"
