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That almost makes me smile. “Well, you wouldn’t say it if you knew what goes on in my head sometimes.”
“Try me.”
I mean, I’d just admitted that I’m not a good mother. Why not back it up with some solid proof, huh? I’ve opened Pandora’s box, so why not let the secrets fly?
Also—those arms of his are making me feel like I can say anything and he’ll hold me together through it all.
“Sometimes, I think about accepting my parents’ offer to help.”
“And that’s a bad thing because their offer comes with strings?”
“Exactly.”
“Which are?”
I swallow my hesitation. “They’re willing to provide for the kids, but only if I grant them custody first.”
Ruslan gets very still all of a sudden. “And you don’t want to lose them?”
“It’s not that. I mean, of course I’d hate to lose them. I love those kids with every fiber of my being. But if they were going to be well-looked after, provided for and loved, then I would give my parents free rein. But Barrett and Beatrice’s idea of raising children involves fancy private boarding schools, foreign nannies, and mandatory attendance at horrible social events. Sienna fought so hard so that the two of us didn’t have to endure that life forever. She wouldn’t want her kids to have to go through the same thing. If she knew I was even considering it, she’d be so disappointed in me.”
Suddenly, I feel air flood my back as Ruslan pushes me off him. He twists me around so that we’re face to face.
“Emma.” His voice is gentler than I’ve ever heard it before. “You’ve considered it—but you haven’t done it.”
Sniffing back my tears, I nod. “I know I can’t give them everything, but at least now, they have each other. They haveme.”
“Trust me, Emma: money isn’t everything. You didn’t have to uproot your life for those kids. You didn’t have to take care of their father, either. You don’thaveto put up with Ben and his demons—but you do all that anyway. Because you don’t want those kids losing their father as well.” My eyes connect with his and now, I can’t look away. “You have made every possible sacrifice for those children. You’d do anything for them and they know that. If that’s not a good mother, I don’t know what is.That’swhy I wanted to add a baby clause into our contract. Because I want my child to have the comfort and benefit of your kindness, your love, your patience.”
My eyes go wide as he speaks.Am I really hearing this?It almost feels like I’m dreaming.
“I could easily hire a surrogate to carry a child for me. But that requires raising a child on my own and I don’t have the inclination or the skill set to do it alone. I want my child to have a real mother, agoodmother. And I happen to believe that you are a great one.”
Those scorching amber eyes of his are softer tonight, buoyed by a tenderness that I’ve never seen in him before.
“I… I assumed you picked me because I was close and… and convenient.”
He shakes his head, his jaw clenching firmly. “I chose you foryou,Emma Carson. For your character, your compassion, your capacity to love. I chose you because there’s no one else in this whole fucking world I can see myself raising a child with.”
I breathe out slowly, captivated by his words, by the look in his eyes.
And somehow, that changeseverything.
53
RUSLAN
This is the first time she’s let me in.
And instead of being wary, like I probably should be, I just feel grateful. I’m glad she’s finally opening up to me. I’m glad she’s pulling down her walls and letting me see inside.
Even though all it does is make me greedy for more.
“I’m sorry—I just threw up all over you. Emotionally speaking.”
She blushes hard and the need to kiss her is so bad that I don’t bother denying myself. Her lips shiver against mine, soft and feather-light.
“I just… I don’t really have anyone I can talk to,” she admits when I pull away. “My parents are barely human, my best friend has her own shit to deal with, and my sister died on me…” Her eyes flutter up. “I really appreciate you listening to all my drama. But please feel free to tell me to shut up at any time.”
