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“Carly believes me,” Catherine said smugly. Knowing that Carly had seen something up there once too, made her feel a little bit better about herself, even if it raised more questions than it answered.
“I believe you,” Jason reassured her. “I just don’t know who it was that you saw.” He patted her thigh in what she assumed was meant to be a dismissive, change-the-subject gesture, and stood up. “I’ll go find you some ice.”
Emotions swirled around in Catherine’s brain. She hated this—hated him doubting her. It brought back so many negative feelings. Steve had always doubted her, always told her she was wrong, she was imagining stuff, she was crazy. And now she felt like that again, even though Jason hadn’t said anything of the sort.
When Jason returned with the ice, Catherine had clammed up, built a wall around her heart so she couldn’t be hurt anymore by his silent inference that she was seeing things, making stuff up, hallucinating.
He placed the tea towel-wrapped icepack against her knee, holding it there with one hand while he sat down beside her. Catherine didn’t thank him, although the cold instantly helped relieve the pain. She had to shut him out. At least until she figured out what was going on. Right now, she was confused. Hurting.
“Is that helping?” Jason asked.
Catherine nodded, but didn’t speak.
“Good.”
He settled down on the bed next to her, gently massaging her neck and shoulders, his strong fingers working out the knots. He didn’t say anything. He didn’t mention the figure she’d seen. He didn’t mention her running away. He just sat there beside her, touching her softly, letting her know he was there with her, supporting her. Slowly, his calm, gentle, caring caress broke down her defences and let in the guilt that she’d been forcibly keeping at bay.
Don’t run from me, ever.His words that day at the stables came back to haunt her now. The promise she’d made him: agreeing to never run. She’d broken it. Worse, she’d done it deliberately. She’d heard his voice in her head when she’d been running. She’d never forget his brokenness as he’d told her about Louise, and she’d seen his shattered expression in her mind’s eye as she ran. And instead of turning around and going back to him, she’d run faster. She’d tried to outrun the guilt. And she hadn’t succeeded. And now it was back with a vengeance.
“I’m sorry, Jason,” she whispered. “I’m so sorry.”
She felt him stiffen beside her. Felt his fingers freeze on the back of her neck. Was he holding his breath? She was.
“Are you going to spank me? For running away and needing to be rescued?”
CHAPTER9
“Idon’t know.”
Jason was conflicted. She deserved a spanking, a very severe one, he truly believed that. But he was worried that his reasoning was clouded by what had happened to Louise. If he wasn’t haunted by her death after their argument, would he still feel the same way? How big a deal was it, really, that Catherine had gone for a run when her emotions had run high? Obviously calling out Josh and the helicopter was going to be expensive, but they could pay that between them. Aside from that… how bad was it, really?
He knew he had contributed to her running. Carly had so bluntly pointed that out to him, and she didn’t even know the full story. But she’d been right: hehadmade her want to run.
A misunderstanding. A stupid misunderstanding.Just like it had been with Louise,he thought bitterly. He hadn’t meant at all what she’d thought he’d meant. She had interpreted it wrong—through the lens of abuse—and instead of letting him explain himself like he’d been trying to do, she’d shut him out and gone for a run. Instead of communicating with him, she’d broken her promise. And it was her breaking that promise that she’d made, breaking it so easily, that upset him the most. Especially when she knew the reason behind his request.
Trust.
It was a pretty big thing in any relationship, but especially one like this, where they’d hurt each other before and she’d gone on to be deeply harmed. Had he broken her trust, too, with his offhand comment that she’d totally misinterpreted? He hadn’t meant to, but intentions didn’t always matter. Not in a time like this, anyway.
If he had broken her trust, what could possibly be gained by disciplining her? If he punished her now, especially as severely as he felt she deserved, would he ruin their chance at a relationship forever?
“Do you think I should?” he asked.
He was torn. Catherine had always thrived on structure, rules, and routine. But she completely lacked the self-discipline to provide those things for herself. Her tardiness had driven him wild, but her impulsiveness—he’d loved that. Her scatterbrained-ness was so totallyher.She could never finish one task before moving on to the next one, not unless he got on her case. She couldn’t create a routine if her life depended on it. She was chaotic, messy, unorganised. And he loved her for it. But he’d also always helped her rein it in. And he knew she expected him to do that again now. What would she think of him if he let this go? Where would it leave them? Would she consider him not punishing her bad behaviour—and as far as he was concerned, running away from the hut like that was bad behaviour—an act of mercy? Or would she see it as a breach of trust?
He watched her carefully after he asked her that question. Catherine had a hopeless poker face; he’d always been able to tell how she felt simply by looking at her body language and facial expression. She was a terrible liar. He’d caught her out every single time in the past, and he knew her body would tell the truth now, too. All he had to do was look.
She looked down at the blanket on the bed, picked at her shirt. Shrugged.
“Dunno.”
Her answer was noncommittal, but the tone of her voice wasn’t. In fact, when he looked closely, her entire body was screaming at him:yes.
“It’s what you deserve, isn’t it?” he asked her gently.
She didn’t answer, just continued worrying the hem of her shirt. She didn’t nod. But nor did she shake her head in refusal.
“Okay, let me ask you another question,” he said. “You know what happened to Louise, and I know you feel guilty for breaking your promise to me and making me worry, even if a little part of you feels justified for running. Will you be able to absolve yourself of that guilty feeling if I don’t punish you? Will you learn not to run from me again, if you don’t face any consequences now?”
