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She’s referring to when I played for the girls’ team in high school. I always had to work on weekends and after school, I couldn’t afford the equipment fees, and I missed too many practices, so I lost my spot on the team—and just before the scouts came to watch the playoffs.
“This is different.”
“I know you’re upset, but it’s better this way,” she says. “Better the money is gone. Now you can just focus on your job and take more hours at Boones.”
“I’m not quitting hockey, Mom.”
She sighs. “Your dad isn’t going to like that.”
“I don’t give a fuck what he likes.” I’m on the verge of tears, which I hate, or lashing out, which will make me feel like a bag of shit.
I shove down the emotion. Tears won’t make it better, and they won’t change the fact that I’m back to square one. I should have opened a second bank account, one my parents don’t have access to, but I thought it was safer to keep cash, in case of an emergency. So stupid. So fucking stupid.
I stand, step around her, and head for the porch.
“Where are you going?”
“To get some air before I say something I can’t take back.”
She follows, but I leave her standing in the kitchen, looking as lost as I feel as I step out into the night. I flinch when the door slams closed behind me.
“Fuck my life.” I kick an empty beer can across the driveway, and it hits the side of the garage. I press the heels of my hands against my eyes. Crying won’t solve anything, but I’m so damn frustrated. The acceptance letter isn’t the issue. They sent an email as well. But the tuition money is a different story.
If it didn’t make me look needy and desperate, I might ride over to BJ’s, just to escape for a while. But I have no idea how long my dad will be gone, and leaving my mom alone after a fight like this won’t make things better.
I tip my chin up, working to keep my emotions in check as I look at the stars.
My phone buzzes in my pocket. I pull it out and check the messages.
Rose started a group chat with me, her, and Lovey after I skated with them. She sent a message saying she’d ask where BJ and I disappeared to, but they ran into Logan and his beet-red face told her everything she needed to know. She expects details the next time we’re on at Boones together, if we don’t see each other before then.
Another message pops up as I’m reading, this one from BJ.
You okay?
Rustling in the bushes drags my attention away from my phone.
The sun has set, and the only lights are over the door and on the side of the garage. The last thing I need is a confrontation with a bear. Although I wouldn’t be surprised if a family of racoons had nested nearby, since my dad leaves empties all over the place.
“Hey, bear, you can fuck off!” I call out as I step backwards toward the cabin.
“Bears need love too,” a voice replies.
“BJ?” I scan the area for him. “Are you out here?”
“Yeah.” He steps out of the treeline by the garage, his expression reflecting his chagrin.
I glance over my shoulder. My mom is standing by the screen door, smoking a cigarette. I rush over and grab his arm, leading him around the side of the garage. “The hell are you doing? Why are you still here? My dad didn’t see you, did he?”
“Was that him driving off?”
“Yeah.”
“I was hiding in the bushes.” He thumbs over his shoulder. There’s a twig caught in his hair, proving he’s telling the truth.
“What about your Jeep?”
“I parked in our make-out spot. I was going to leave, but I had this bad feeling, and you were sketchy about getting home, so I got out and walked up to your driveway. I didn’t really have a plan, but then I heard yelling, and I wanted to stick around in case you needed an escape or whatever.”
