AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I hate ignoring him how I have been, knowing inside he was fighting for me all along, even if he went about it the wrong way. He texted me, asking about Colin throughout the weekend after the incident, and I left it unread.
I was hurt. Fuck, I was heartbroken. Still am. And while Colin has seemingly forgotten about the entire situation, I can’t seem to forget it. I’m not myself anymore. I feel the ache of my brick walls climbing back up, wanting me to close up and swear off love forever, but some deeper part of me that’s awakened because of him screams to keep them away.
Maybe with time, I can find a way to trust him again while still holding myself accountable.
Maybe.
“And actually,” Jaden says, looking at his Apple watch, then at the clock on the wall, “he’s running late. Like really late.”
I rub the back of my neck while looking out of the windows at the parking lot, nervous to come face to face with him again. I don’t know how I’ll react. I don’t know how to act in his presence anymore. The tension and awkwardness will be practically unbearable.
“That’s not like him. He’s always early. Annoyingly so,” I reply.
“Yeah,” Jaden agrees, confusion warping his expression. “That’s what I thought.”
“Maybe practice ran late? Maybe he had a meeting run over? Who knows? He’s getting closer to playing again. I’m sure life is about to get more hectic.”
The idea of him going on the road again to all the games, leaving town and mingling with new fans and faces, makes my stomach ache with a strange jealousy I don’t feel the right to own.
He chose to walk away and let you thrive. On your own.
The torture sweeps through me again, as it does every time my mind goes back to him. The conflicting emotions of being mad yet missing him toys with me.
“Looking like he might be a no-show,” Jaden shrugs, placing his hands on his hips.
But Lake isn’t the no-show type.
My gut tells me there might be another reason for his disappearance.
And that reason is the worst of them all.
57
Dylan
AfterleavingGreg’soffice,I make my way back home to contemplate things.
Lake had allowed me to be in this position. To have everything I’ve ever wanted. To get my dream job of finally working in the NFL and solidifying the stable environment I’ve always worked to obtain for Colin.
I had it all.
And yet, nothing felt more wrong.
Lake never showed up for his therapy session. Maybe he had second thoughts about coming, knowing I’d be there. I couldn’t wrap my head around it being for any other reason. It could have been as hard for him to face me as it was for me to face him. The idea of seeing him sent my heart into overdrive. I knew I couldn’t hold back the emotions that were still there for him.
My heart still wants him.
The worry that it will never change is what haunts me.
I’m tempted to text him as I curl up on my couch the following night, an old rerun of Modern Family on the television in the background, drowning out the silence that’s filled my head since he left. Colin’s back home from work now, and after eating spaghetti, he’s back to doing what he does best—watching racing videos in the comfort of his room.
I’ve never been the type of girl to feel lonely. I’ve been on my own for long enough now to have experienced this loneliness. But now, after being touched by him in such a way, I’ve never felt such desperation for someone to hold me. The ache to simply be in his presence again is a pain I can’t seem to endure. The idea of him being somewhere without me, making memories with other people, sharing laughs with anyone who isn’t me, makes my stomach turn.
It’s a strange feeling to feel possessive over someone else’s happiness, but I’m finding that it’s an emotion of his I want to own. I want to be the one to provide all of those things for him. His good days. His smiles.
But as it stands, another night passes by without a word from Lake.
I don’t know why I expected anything different, but I did. I hoped that his determination wouldn’t win out. That he’d fall to his own selfish needs and call me, check on me, on us, keep that door open and contact between us a reality.
