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That door has closed, however. And with every minute that passes, I feel the pain of it more and more.
A phone call lights up my cellphone on the end table before me, and I lunge to answer it.
“Hello?” I say, sounding desperate. Too desperate.
“They offered you the job!” A familiar voice floods my ears with the upbeat positivity I’ve been lacking as of late.
My heart both sinks and soars.
“Can you believe it, Ash? Wait.” I pause. “How the hell did you find out?”
“Dr. Shelby called me for a reference since I was the first of your NFL rehabilitations,” he says with what I’m assuming is a proud smirk on the other side of this phone. “As if you really needed one. I hear Lake’s progress has been amazing. Even better than mine. Damn guy.”
His modesty makes me smile.
“Well...it’s been a journey, that’s for sure,” I say, twisting a nearby blanket between my fingers, thinking of memories that now make me sick with sadness. “But he’s an amazing athlete, as are you. Makes my job look easy.”
“Forever humble. But for real, own up to the fact that you’re officially going to be working in the NFL! My girl finally made it!”
Hearing him say my girl generally wouldn’t provide much of a reaction from me, but as it stands, I’m still someone else’s girl. Maybe I’ll always be. Anxiety finds me again, the cruel creature that seeps throughout my body, never leaving.
We talk for several minutes as I explain the expectations of the job from the paperwork and how I have an official meeting set up to tour the facility and meet the rest of the team in two days.
I feel a sickness in my gut even talking about it. This job is everything I’ve ever wanted, and yet my reasons for still getting it fell entirely on Lake taking the blame. It’s not like it would affect him in his career at all, but something about it just doesn’t sit well with me.
If Lake had described to me the conversation with his coach rather than just quit on me, would things be different? What if the ball would’ve been in my court? Would I have given him up just as easily? Is that why he made the decision for me? Yes, he chose to protect me, but was it deeper than that? Was he worried I’d have dropped him like a bad habit upon realizing my dreams were about to be mine?
The thought sends my nausea into overdrive.
He left me before I could leave him.
“I’m insanely proud of you, Dyl. You accomplished so much, and with everything you do for Colin, I’m just blown away. Truly. Be proud of yourself and believe that you deserve this,” Ashton continues.
“Jesus, what did I do to deserve you?” I shake my head. “You’re too good to me.”
“Nah.” He scoffs. “It’s all true. And if I was right, I’d say that Lakey boy of yours feels the same way,” he comments, and I feel him fishing.
I inhale a deep breath, filling my lungs, then let it out with a sigh. “What do you know?”
“I know that man looked jealous as hell when we were at the bar. I know that when you went to the bathroom, he sat in that chair, staring at that door like a psycho until you reappeared. Didn’t he break a glass?”
I chuckle lightly at the memory. He was insanely jealous and protective. Something I find myself actually missing, even though I swore I’d never allow such behavior. It’s oddly endearing when it’s him because I know his underlying truth.
“I know when a man is in love, Dylan, and that man has it bad.”
I drop my head back against the couch. That’s two people who have told me it was more than obvious Lake loves me. I feel it in my heart too, but he’s never once voiced that. Maybe now he never will.
“He’s not alone,” I murmur, then groan, falling face-first into the couch.
But Ashton simply laughs at my answer. “Knew it.”
“It’s horrible, really. I could’ve lost my entire career, Ash.”
The sound of him readjusting himself back in his bed hits my ears as he says, “Spill girl, you know your secrets are safe here.”
I explain in slight detail the entire past few months. The chaos, the sneaking around, the moments with Colin, even the confrontation with Eric. He listens intently as I spew my heart.
“So what are you going to do?” he asks after I finish.
