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Throwing on a pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt, I grab my apartment keys from the counter, quickly peeking in on Colin to ensure he’s sleeping before I lock up and head out to the parking lot.
It’s colder than I thought it would be, and I clutch my arms around myself as I breathe out a cloud of frigid air before me. As I approach the truck, I begin to see the outline of his form curled forward around the steering wheel. I can’t see his face, only his arms clutching around the wheel as he remains hunched over awkwardly.
My heart pounds.
I walk around to the passenger door in the corner of the lot, the early morning air cutting me down to the bone with its chill. I knock on the window twice with my knuckles. Nothing happens. No movement.
My chest feels tight.
Knocking a little louder, I’m startled when I see him wind back and punch his dash. I gasp as he hits it hard enough to do some damage to the air vent. Getting some sort of satisfaction from the physical release, he hits the dashboard again, then again, before dragging his hands through his long dark locks and down his face in clawed fists.
I don’t want to believe it’s true. Not yet.
He turns his cheek enough for me to see what looks like wetness across his face reflecting in the streetlamp above.
He’s crying.
My stomach sinks with the knowledge of what that pain is. A pain that nothing in this world can fix.
Opening the door, I rush in, throwing myself across the seat. I wrap my arms around him, his fists remaining near his temples. He’s falling completely apart right now. Losing himself in pain. I can only assume the worst as he begins sobbing against me, his body shaking violently as he releases his cries.
He leans forward into me as I crawl my way into his lap on the seat. His hands find my sides and I wrap my arms around his head, cradling him against my chest as he curls into me. His fingers claw into my back almost painfully as he releases his agony.
“I’m sorry,” he says, shaking against me. “I didn’t know where else to go,” he says through cracked, heartbreaking cries. “I have nowhere to go.”
Tears spring free from my eyes and I cry along with him at the pain of his admission. I hold him tightly to me, wishing I could take every bit of this heartbreaking agony away.
“She’s gone, D,” he cries out, his voice breaking as my body shakes in a sob at the undeniable truth. “She’s gone, and I didn’t get to say goodbye.”
I keep hold of him, wishing I could put this broken man back together, but losing a parent doesn’t allow fixing. It creates a forever hole that you somehow learn to live with. A piece of you is always going to be gone now. Every day will awaken you to this new reality, and it never gets easier. It’s a pain that constantly reminds you that this life we live is short and sometimes entirely unfair, especially to the good.
“It hurts so bad,” he whispers again, barely breathing on his own.
“I know,” I say, wiping away my own tears as my heart breaks for the little boy in that picture. The one that stuck by her side through it all. All the battles won and lost.
“I just...I’m sorry, I-I didn’t know where to go,” he sobs again.
I pull away from him, placing my hands around his face and wiping his tears with my thumbs. He looks up at me with his bloodshot eyes, his face wet with tears, his hands falling to my lower back. This amazing, record-breaking athlete, looking entirely broken, is being held up by only the strength of my hands.
“You’re right where she wanted you,” I whisper.
Tears stream down my face as he winces at the statement, closing his eyes tightly. He rests his forehead against mine, my hands gripping his neck while he fists the bottom of my sweatshirt, pulling me tightly to him.
We sit for what feels like forever, just holding each other, cries breaking through every so often, before we simply rest our heads together again.
No one would expect Lake Decker, famous football star, to be alone and in need during such a traumatic moment in his life. No one would expect him to be human. He’s a superhero to most. Impenetrable by pain. But here he is, as human as they come. He puts up his facade just as I have. The tough exterior, the walls, the front.
But who we are in dark parking lots late at night says more about us than anything.
And tonight, it’s just two shattered souls who’ve lost the fight to need someone.
58
Lake
She’stoogoodforme.
After all I’ve done, here she is, holding my shattered little world together when all I did was obliterate hers.
