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Before I break down in front of her again, I grip her head between my hands, needing her to listen, demanding an answer.
“Tell me you’ll take the job.”
Tears flood her face as her little nose wrinkles. “I’ll take the job.”
I nod once, hoping the nose thing was pure coincidence this time, before opening the door and standing with her in my arms. I place her down on the concrete, my arms still wrapped around her waist. We stand there in the cool night breeze, not once feeling the chill through the overwhelming pain already piercing me.
“Thank you.” I swallow, shaky with my words. “For being home.”
She sniffles against me. “I’ll always be your home, Lake.”
Her sentence obliterates me. There’s so much truth in that she doesn’t even understand. She’s forever got a piece of my home inside her. Words from the woman I love, held deep inside, locked away in the heart I’ve fallen for. Dylan is my home, and I love her with the only pieces I have left of me.
But our timing has never been right, and I won’t get in the way of her dreams.
“Goodbye, D,” I whisper against her forehead before kissing the spot softly, resting mine there again.
She fists the hem of my sweatshirt, not wanting to let me go.
I didn’t want to have to do this to her again. Break her by walking away, but I need to find a way to mourn the loss of my mom without pulling her deep into my darkness. Now isn’t the time to bring down Dylan when her career is on the upswing. I need her to thrive and flourish. For me.
Understanding, she eases up her hold on me, and I drop my arms to my sides, our foreheads finally pulling apart when she turns to leave. Getting back into my truck, I start it up before I can watch her walk away from me.
I drive away, realizing my need to sit alone with this, immersing myself so deep until I’m able to wring out my pain without the remnants raining down on them.
I have to do this. For them.
59
Dylan
Ithurtsjustasbadly the second time, but I understand it now. I know what he needs.
Time.
This is a life-changing moment for him, and how people handle loss is entirely theirs to own. Lydia knew how he’d handle it. She even warned me about it. Knowing that brings me some peace to our situation. Lake is pulling away in order to self-preserve. Only by doing that will he ever come back to what he knows. Who he loves.
I can only hope we’ll both be ready when he is.
My face is still wet when I get back into the apartment as quietly as I can.
“What happened, DD?” Colin’s voice comes from the kitchen, making me jump.
I clutch my hand to my chest, gasping as I feel the heart that’s pounding in surprise.
“Colin, you scared me. What are you doing awake?”
He takes a step towards me, looking closely at my face.
“You’re crying. Why are you crying? You’re crying.”
All the air leaves my chest in a sigh as I slump down into the kitchen chair.
“Lydia, Lake’s mom, passed away,” I admit. “He just stopped by for a second to let me know.” I rake my hands down my face before realizing what I admitted. My eyes find his immediately. “He’s not here.”
He frowns, looking down at the carpet before approaching the table in his oversized NASCAR race shirt and checkered black-and-white pajama pants, twisting his fingers methodically.
“Is he scared of me?”
