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“I’m okay with your mess.”
I snickered and pulled my finger out, shut down the water and got out to grab a towel. Still dripping on the floor, I spread the big towel and waited for Chris to come closer. He turned his back to me to let me wipe him dry.
“I’m glad you’re not being awkward,” he said with a touch of concern in his voice. “Freaking out and whatnot.”
I moved to dry his hair. “I’ll probably make a whole scene in the morning, screaming and breaking plates.”
“Yeah, I can picture that. Do you think that Anthony will freak out?”
“Anthony? Come on, if I’m mentally okay with sleeping with you, I’m pretty sure Anthony is too.”
“I messed things up so bad with him, E. I did things…”
“He forgave you.”
“He didn’t. Not officially.”
“You two haven’t spoken in ages, and now he needs time to process a world where he doesn’t hate you.”
“Should I speak with him about this?”
“Yes. You know it’s up to you to make this right. But will you?”
“You don’t think I will?”
“You haven’t so far.”
“I tried.” He shrugged. “But maybe I was relieved to leave it behind me, so I didn’t try hard enough.”
“You’re going to try harder now?”
“Yes.” It sounded like he meant it.
“And Jay?”
“No.” He turned around to face me. “Jay scares me.”
I could see the truth in his eyes. I started drying myself and said, “It feels like he’s willing to leave what happened between you two behind.”
“I don’t believe that.”
“Give him some credit, okay? He’s not a monster.”
“Unlike me?”
That one caught me off guard. It would have been easier to answer if his eyes weren’t boring into me, challenging me. “You’re not a monster,” I said. “You feel bad for what you did, and tonight you tried to make it right. As for Jay, he backed off at the end. A monster wouldn’t have done that.”
He nodded, but I could tell my words only landed partly.
We walked back into the bedroom. The cabin was completely quiet with no indication of the craziness that had recently taken place. We changed the sheets for the second time that night, then crashed on the bed. We should have probably gotten dressed, at least put on our underwear, but the room was warm, and being naked together wasn’t an issue by this point. Under a shared blanket, we lay facing one another in the dim light.
“Crazy day,” he said and yawned. “Hard to believe I made it through in one piece.”
I almost asked if he truly had been worried he might not make it, but then I remembered the gun pressing against his head and my stomach gave an unpleasant twist of remorse. I hadn’t held that gun with my own hands, but I had taken part in executing a plan I had been mostly in the dark about.
I turned off the light. “Get some rest.”
“Mind being the big spoon?” he asked.
