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How the hell did I get pregnant??
Out of the corner of my eyes, I see him scratching his head, obviously pondering the very same question.
“Well, we’ll simply have to move up the wedding date to get you down the aisle before you start showing.”
I spin around on him, staring at him as if he’d gone mad. “I can’t have a baby. This can’t happen, there’s no way in hell. I’m about to start my goddamned residency.” I rise to my feet. “No, Bash. I’m sorry, but there’s no way this is going to happen.”
He remains seated, elbows on his knees and hands clasped together. “Please explain to me why two successful people who are very much in love with each other, are already engaged to be married can’t bring a child into the world.”
He’s being so freaking calm and logical it’s infuriating. “Because I’m not ready! I’m not starting my surgical rotation with a belly out to here,” I say sticking my arms out. “They’ll sideline me, mark me as one of those women who cares more about being a mommy than being a doctor!”
“No, they won’t because they’ll see that you are just as dedicated a doctor as you’ve always been and that you’re more determined than ever to prove that.”
“How will that happen when I’m up all night with a crying baby, feeding it and changing diapers. You saw what it did to Dr. Weiss. No, Bash, I won’t let that happen to me. That’s not what I signed up for.”
His posture and tone haven’t changed. “So, that’s why we’ll hire a nanny and a nurse, the burden won’t fall on you, Mads. I promise.”
“Bash, you’re not listening to me,” I yell. “I don’t want to have a baby right now and that’s final!”
He remains seated and simply stares at me with those hauntingly beautiful eyes.
“I’m sorry if I’ve disappointed you, but you know how grueling my life is going to be over the next few years. The absolute last thing in the world that I need is some mewling infant to care for.”
His gaze shifts away from me as if he can’t bear to look at me at the moment. “It wouldn’t be some mewling infant. It would be our child, born out of our love.”
“And when the time is right, we’ll have a child to raise and love. But this is the worst possible time. Can’t you see that?”
He slowly rises from the couch. “No, Mads, not really. All I’m really hearing is what a massive inconvenience this will be for you.”
“Spoken like a person who won’t have to carry it for nine months or have your career detrimentally affected by it. And then I’m supposed to cast off the responsibility to a caregiver just so I don’t miss a beat with my career. Yeah, that doesn’t make me look like some callous, career-driven bitch.”
He glares at me with clenched jaw. “As usual, you’re overreacting, making a far bigger deal out of it than it is.”
“That’s very easy for you to say.”
“My God, Mads, a few months of inconvenience, that’s all we’re talking about. In return, we get a family. You’re telling me it’s not worth it?”
“Maybe I don’t want a family,” I scream at him. “Maybe I don’t want anything that’s going to stand between me and my career. Marriage, family none of it was what I wanted.”
He suddenly approaches, forcing me to take quick steps back.
“Your career, your fucking career,” he bellows with hands raised to the sides of his head. “You know, for all your brains, you don’t have a goddamn clue about what real power is and who has it. Who can make your career and who can destroy it!” He jabs his finger at his chest. “I’m the greatest thing that ever happened to you and if you’d get your head out your ass you'd realize that!”
My eyes blur with tears. “I didn’t need you to earn my residency spot, and it never would’ve been in jeopardy if I hadn’t met you!”
“Bullshit, Mads.” His sapphire eyes are large and angry. “I saw the fucking documents and notes at Presbyterian, you weren’t their top choice for the coveted surgical residency position. Simon Kinnard was but I leaned on one of the board members to flip his vote to you.”
His words hit me like a sucker punch to the gut. “Liar, you fucking liar!” I scream backing away from him.
“Who’s on the board,” he begins ticking them off on his fingers. “Doctors Jamison, Hurley, O’Brian. Kirkpatrick and Williams. You needed three votes and only had two,” he’s glaring pure malice. “You merely play at being a god, well I’m the one who got your third vote to land you your dream match. So, what does that make me?”
Stunned, I stare openly at him as if seeing him for the first time. “Why, Bash? Why?”
His eyes narrow with fury as his jaw clenches. “Because I’d do anything for you, Mads. Don’t you know that!”
The veracity of his words leaves me shaken to the core. In my arrogance, had I blinded myself to the truth that I wasn’t the most talented student in my class. Do I owe the coveted position to Sebastian?
What all is this man capable of? Are there any limits to what he’ll do?
