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And I really don’t think I ever want to. I pull back and hold her cheeks in my palms.
‘Look, she doesn’t get here until after midnight. Let’s go to my place and go to bed for a while.’
‘No. I can’t.’
‘Izzy, tomorrow is our last day together. I don’t want to be apart from you tonight.’
‘But my mother is coming. I have to be here.’
‘Fine, then let’s go to bed here. Just let me be with you.’
The expression she offers could be apologetic or full of pity. Whichever it is, it cuts me deep.
‘You can’t be here when she gets in, Brooks.’
Those words finish me. I take a step back from her and nod, slowly. It’s happening again.
‘We have to be up early for AMTV, anyway,’ she says, her words coming fast. ‘It will take me ages to get ready in the morning. You’ll have a better night’s sleep on your own.’
‘Yeah, sure. Thanks for thinking of me.’
I leave her apartment, slamming the door behind me. Instead of going to my place, I head outside and start walking aimlessly.
There’s a cool wind that chills me through my T-shirt. I tuck my hands into the pockets of my jeans and keep moving west until I’m standing on the edge of the Hudson. The city’s lights catch the ebb and flow of the water and take me back almost eighteen years.
On that day, I could hear Cady crying before I even got to Alice’s parents’ house. For a small thing, she had a big set of lungs. I didn’t care that she was crying, again; I was just excited to see them both. It had been a long day at the garage. A few emergencies came in, on top of the cars we already had booked. And I had been to Crazy Joe’s gym early that morning. I was exhausted.
But my feet started moving faster when I heard raised voices. I realized then that it wasn’t Cady’s normal crying; she sounded distressed. And Alice was shouting above her screaming and, between the two of them, no one heard me enter the large, suburban house.
I knew Alice’s mother would kill me if I didn’t take my work boots off before stepping on the new rug, so I fought with them, wrestling them off.
‘But I love him,’ Alice shouted.
I could tell from the noise that she was downstairs with her parents and Cady was upstairs.
‘Alice, you’re seventeen years old. You don’t know what real love is,’ her mom said.
‘Real love,’ her dad began, ‘is providing for your family properly. Not being a mechanic at someone else’s garage. Now, Brooks is a nice boy, but that’s where it stops.’
‘Look at his background, for goodness’ sake,’ her mom said. ‘He comes from nothing and will come to nothing, Alice. We let you have Cady—’
‘Let me haveCady? Is that a joke? She’s my daughter.Ourdaughter. Mine and Brooks’. And he’s a good dad.’
Her father’s voice grew sterner. ‘He comes over every night for two hours, Alice. How can he be a good father?’
‘I only see you for two or three hours a night. Are you saying you aren’t a good father?’ Alice yelled.
‘Now you watch that mouth, young lady. I put this roof over your head. I have given you a good education and, once this mess is straightened out, you’ll go back to having good prospects.’
‘Did you just call Cady and Brooks a mess?’
‘Open your eyes,’ her mom shouted. ‘It is a mess, Alice. If you listen to your father, you might be able to salvage something of a life for yourself. You’ll be lucky now to find yourself a good, wealthy man who’ll take you on with baggage.’
I was rooted to the spot.
‘I don’t want a wealthy man. I want Brooks. I want my family.’
Her mom cackled, and I felt my face twist with hatred as I imagined her perfectly made-up face and salon-styled hair thrown back.
