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“Whoa!”Christiancheeredasa wave hit his waist.
It had been four days since the wedding that didn’t happen, and today I had decided to take Christian down to the beach for some fun. He had been more withdrawn since the divorce, and I really noticed it once I got back. He had spent the night with my parents in Portland and by the time I picked him up, he was more than ready to leave. Not that I could blame him; my parents weren’t exactly fun.
I was worried about Christian though and how withdrawn he was getting. I knew he missed his mom, so of course he was having a harder time adjusting to it all. However, I had hoped that it wouldn't be this bad considering how often Ellis was gone. Especially towards the end when she would be gone for a week or two without ever reaching out to us. Still, she always came home and after six weeks, almost seven now, Christian was starting to miss her deeply.
I hated that I could give my son anything he wanted, but the one thing he wanted most in this world. I couldn’t buy him his mother back. I couldn’t negotiate a deal with someone that didn’t even want to sit at the table. My hands were tied, and there was nothing I could do about it until Ellis decided to show up. And even then, I didn’t know what to do, because there was no guarantee she would even be in his life at that point. What Francis said was true. It’s sometimes better to have no parent than the parent that is constantly hurting and disappointing you. The issue is explaining that to a three-year-old that just wanted his mother back.
I was also using today as a way to speak with him about Jasmine and her son, Jeremy, coming to live with us. He had no idea I was looking for a nanny, he didn’t even know what that was. It was going to be very confusing for him, and I didn’t want him thinking that I was trying to replace his mother with Jasmine. That wasn’t what this was at all. I needed someone that could be with him during the day and when I had to travel for business so he could be in his house and not be stuck with my parents. I had no idea if Jasmine was going to work out, but only time would tell.
“That was a big one, eh?” I said as I held onto his little hand.
He had always loved the beach, and when we moved to Newport, one of my requirements was a house that wasn’t too far from the beach. We had found one within a five-minute walk, and it was perfect. We spent a lot of time here, and it was one of Christian’s favorite places. That and the aquarium. He was obsessed with underwater creatures.
“Way big! We build sand castle now?”
“Absolutely,” I said as I went and scooped him up. I could feel that his legs were freezing, and I knew we had been in the water for a long time. The warm sand would be good.
I got him down on the towel so he wouldn’t be covered in sand as I went and grabbed the sand bucket and little toys that he had. He loved building sand castles, and he was better at it than I was. I could never seem to get more than two up at a time. He immediately started to put some of the wet sand into the bucket and now seemed like the best time to speak to him about Jasmine and Jeremy.
“Hey Buddy, in two days someone is going to come and live in the back house at home,” I started. Jasmine was supposed to be here tomorrow, but she had hit a lot of construction through the middle states, and she had updated me on her ETA. I was fine with it taking an extra day, and I understood how hard it would be to travel with a three-year-old. I couldn’t imagine doing that on my own.
“Why?” he asked, but he didn’t look up from what he was doing.
“She is going to help me to take care of you. So when Daddy has to go to work, you would get to stay at home and not have to be with Nanny and Grandpa.”
“I stay with Mommy,” he suggested, and I could hear the hopefulness in his voice. All he wanted was to see Ellis again, and I hated that he was missing her so deeply, because there wasn’t anything I could do to make that pain better.
“I know, Bud, but your mom is going through some stuff right now, and she needs some time. The lady, Jasmine, she has a three-year-old son too. His name is Jeremy. You guys could be friends and play together.”
It was a small constellation prize, but I was hoping that he would be excited to have someone to play with during the day. They were so close in age, I had to imagine they liked the same things or at least similar things. I was worried about how Jeremy was going to act compared to Christian. He was very well behaved, but that was because I raised him to be. I had no idea how Jeremy would act based on how Jasmine was as a parent. Her free spirit definitely bled into her routines or lack thereof.
“He live with us?” Christian asked as he looked up. I was expecting to hear excitement, but instead it sounded like dread. Fuck, I just couldn’t win today could I?
“Him and his mom would live in the back house. You and him could have some fun together. You must be excited to have a friend close by.”
He gave a small shrug before he spoke, “Friends don’t live with you. I have to share my toys. Maybe he mean.”
Yup, there was the only child syndrome. He would have to get used to sharing, but he was going to need to get used to it in school as well. I knew it was something that a lot of kids go through. He would be fine, but it was going to take some time for him to get used to the idea of having to share.
“I don’t think he’s mean Buddy. I think you both could have a lot of fun together. You get to show him around town too. He’s never been here before.”
I had no idea what Jeremy was going to be like, but I had to assume he wasn’t the spawn of Satan. He was a three-year-old boy, how bad could he be?
“He like the beach?”
“I don’t know. I have only met him the one time, and he was asleep for the majority of it. I am sure he liked the beach though; most kids do. He lives in Miami, which is on the other side of the country. Him and his mom have been driving all across the country to get here.”
“His mommy nice?” Christian asked as he looked up at me finally.
“She is very nice. She’s looking forward to meeting you and getting to explore together.”
I couldn’t really say if she was nice or not technically, but from the two interactions that I’ve had with her she didn’t come across as a bitch. Sure, that could change, and if she didn’t have the right attitude with Christian, then she was gone. I wasn’t going to tolerate anyone treating him badly or less than he deserved.
“Why Mommy can’t watch me?” he asked sadly.
“I wish she could Buddy. Maybe one day she will be able to, but right now, she has to work on getting better so she can be here with you.”
Fuck, I needed to figure out something better to tell him, but I just didn’t know what. I never expected to have to have this conversation with him, much less at his age. He couldn’t understand something like this. He knew all sorts of words. I had worked very hard with him on it but knowing a word and understanding the meaning behind it was something completely different.
