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I’m not throwing away my shot.
I battle intense boredom as each executive goes through their department update. I will never get over how the two women in the room, Ms. Kang and Hee-Jin, are always left to present after all the men have finished and only if there’s time remaining. On more than one occasion, I’ve wanted to ask Hee-Jin how she puts up with the blatant misogyny, the uncomfortable disrespect.
My mom would say, “Don’t ask too many questions. More often than not, the answers will come to you without you bringing needless attention to yourself.” Sometimes I wonder if her advice throughout my life is just another form of these outdated values.
“We only have a few minutes left, but, Ms. Kang, can you tell us anything from Marketing?” one of the male execs says.
Ms. Kang does not even hesitate. Looks like she’s well-practiced at not throwing away her shot. “The marketing plans for the new year will be in everyone’s inbox by Friday and physical copies of the report on your desks by noon that day. Key points are the hiring of a Social Media Manager to establish our presence across all platforms. We’re behind on this effort compared to our competitors in the market.”
Some of the men around the table begin gathering their things, and one even has the audacity to stand up as if he’s about to leave. Ms. Kang seems unruffled by the rudeness. The one tell that she’s irritated is her tight grip on her iPad containing her notes, which is only evident to those who pay attention...so likely just me. I glance up briefly and see Hee-Jin’s eyes on Ms. Kang’s iPad as well. Okay, so not just me.
“And finally,” Ms. Kang continues, raising her voice slightly. “I want to give a quick update on the hackathon and the incredible work our intern cohort has been doing with the planning. I’ve been quite impressed with what they’ve managed to accomplish, both in terms of schedule and budget. The event is going to be...”
Mr. Shin from Supply Chain moves toward the door, his Korean newspaper tucked under his arm, coffee cup in hand. “Ms. Kang, please only present important things at these meetings. They’re long enough as is. I don’t need to hear about our charity program.”
I stiffen at the word.Charity.Who do they think these interns are? Clearly they don’t realize this cohort has some of the brightest young minds working their butts off for this company. Just because they don’t come from money and prestigious families, doesn’t mean they’re not worthy. In fact... I open my mouth to say so out loud, but Hee-Jin shoots me a warning look, lips tight, and the slight shake of her head tells me no. Don’t do it.
How is any of this behavior okay?
“I don’t know why we listen to Lee Jung-Woo,” the man next to me says to the person beside him. I write the name in my notes with an extra flair as I’m feeling particularly sassy right now.
Lee, curlicuede’s.
Jung, an extra tail on theg.
Woo...
I look closely at the name written by my own hand. It takes me a second to recognize it and connect the dots. That’s my dad’s name. My head shoots up from my notepad.
“He’s always trying to spend company money on needless projects like internships. Do we even know if he’s telling the truth about the tax benefits for the company? Sounds like a waste of time and resources, yet again.”
“The tax benefits are just an excuse. He wants these programs so that poor kids like he was can get opportunities. How about they just work harder to overcome their lot in life instead of taking handouts?”
I narrow my eyes at the men speaking as my heart races. My dad is a kind, giving soul, but he has never in his life wasted time nor resources. He’s way too cheap. But knowing that he’s been supporting the internship program all along—and clearly fighting an uphill battle to do so... I swallow back the lump in my throat.
The rest of the table stands, engaged in various side conversations, and walks out as if Ms. Kang hadn’t just been in the middle of presenting something important and Mr. Jerkface hadn’t just been talking down about my dad. I’m fuming, a rage burning inside of me that I’ve never felt before. I want to storm out of this room, to the elevator, and out of the building, as far away from all of this as I can get.
A light touch lands on my shoulder.
“Hey, let’s do a girls’ night tonight. Pajama party, okay? Sheet masks, cup ramen, cult documentaries. Sound good?”
Hee-Jin’s expression is kind, apologetic. I try to read all the words she’s not saying, but I still don’t quite understand how she puts up with all of this here at work. She’s in a position of power, even. Why does she let it be this way?
“Sure, sounds great,” I say, though my voice is flat. I can’t hide my disappointment, frustration, and now the added concern for my dad. It didn’t sound like he was well-liked among these powerful people.
Once the room is empty, I clean up the mess left behind on the table by everyone else, as I always do, and throw my pretty notes that no one reads into the shredder as I leave the room.
When I get back to my office, I pull out my phone and dial my dad. I want to hear his voice. If it’s true that he’s been the one championing the internship program this whole time, and he’s invested in making it succeed, why didn’t he ever tell me this? And more importantly, why was he so against me taking part this summer? I wish I could share with him everything I’ve been doing. I want to show him how important this internship program is and how he should be so proud, not just of me, but of himself too.
“Jessica, I was going to call you later tonight at our appointed time. Is everything okay?” His voice, despite its usual demanding tone, still brings me comfort. Because whatever happens, I know at the very least, my dad will make it okay in his own way.
“Well, I just found out something interesting,” I say.
“Interesting? Like something you’re not supposed to know? Are you in some trouble? Go directly to the police department but don’t give them any information. I’ll call your uncle in New Jersey to come immediately to meet you there...”
“Dad, Dad, wait. I’m not in any trouble, sheesh,” I say. “It’s just... I was in the executive meeting and they were talking about the internship program and your name came up.”
“Jessica—” his voice changes immediately from panicked to pressured “—why were you in the executive meeting?” He asks the question slowly, his words laced with suspicion and some form of accusation. He told me to keep my head down this summer. And that’s the furthest from what I’ve actually been doing.
