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“Wow.” My lip curled as she averted my gaze. “You think me leaving was to punish Nova?” Though she remained silent, her brows lifted, and head tilted, telling me all I needed to know. “I left because I was so hurt, I couldn’t face any of you, Allegra. I left because I thought I was going to lose my mind. I’ve spent the last year crying and trying to figure out how someone I loved could hurt me so bad. You think me not wanting to work with Nova and Tiffany is the worst response in the world for how they treated me? I think I’m letting them both off way too easy. Nova wasn’t just my fiancé; he was one of my best friends. My heart should have been safest with him. He jeopardized our union and my health by sleeping with someone else. I don’t give a fuck how you feel about my decision, I’m getting them both out of WCSF, and there’s nothing you or anyone else can do to stop me.”
As I headed for the door, she followed behind. My mind raced with question after question. Had things always been so black and white for Allegra? Did we always not agree, or was it a sensitive subject because it was Nova? Was she always so outspoken and judgmental?
“Chap, wait,” she called softly as I opened the door. I turned to face her. “You put Nova on a pedestal of perfection because of your friendship with him, and I get that, but that was your fault. He’s a man, just like any other man, capable of cheating or doing whatever else he wants because he isn’t perfect. I think you’re overreacting, and you should really reconsider all of this. Maybe it’ll be best if you go back to wherever you’ve been for the past year if you’re only here to cause trouble.”
My heart felt like it was shrinking. Lips pressed together tightly, I briefly lowered my head.
I didn’t think I’d have to explain my hurt to my best friend, of all people. Maybe she was right… a year was a long time. It was clear she’d detached from the situation. This pain was mine to bear alone. There was no reasoning with her, and I was okay with that.
“This is the last time we’re going to discuss my relationship with Nova,” I told her, keeping my voice as low as I possibly could. Her words were like tiny swords piercing my heart and my face, and it was taking everything in me not to retaliate. Did I think she was intentionally trying to hurt me? No. But that didn’t make her words hurt any less.
“I didn’t… put Nova on a pedestal of perfection.” I laughed as soon as the words left me because that was so far from the truth, and Allegra knew that. “I was more careful with him than any other man I’d been withbecausehe was my friend. Iknowanyone can cheat, but because of my parents and my values, Nova promised he wouldn’t do that to me.” My body heated and shivered, making me more upset. I didn’t want to cry in front of her. Not now anyway. My tears felt safe with no one except Jerry.
“He knew how much that shit would hurt me, and he did it anyway. So he has to pay. You may never understand that, and I don’t care anymore, Lay. But what you’renotgoing to do is downplay what I went through because of how I chose to handle it. That was foul, and you’re better than that.”
I opened the door, stopping to tell her, “And I may be better than what I’m planning to do, but at least I can use my hurt as my excuse for going after the man I love. What’s your excuse for treating me the way you have since I’ve been back?”
I didn’t bother giving the words in her mind time to connect with her mouth before I left. A glutton for punishment is what I appeared to be. It was clear my friendship with Allegra had been damaged, and until she was ready to admit that so we could repair it, I needed to stay away.
8
Memphis was my destination for the weekend. I needed to be around my family and feel their love. It didn’t surprise me that my father wouldn’t be home. Doctor Steve Wilson was hardly ever home. I thought he’d be more present in his older age with my sixteen-year-old sister Tierney but that hadn’t been the case. At least with her, he allowed her to visit him at the hospital so they could have lunch together daily.
The vibe was lighter without him here anyway. Mom was happier and more present. She wasn’t concerned with serving him and trying to be a woman worthy of his love, fidelity, and provision. She made my favorite lunch, rotisserie chicken sandwiches, homemade fries, and a side salad, so I told her dinner would be on me. We were outside watching Tierney run a few laps around the yard. Tierney was far more athletic than I was at her age.
I tried out for the majorette and cheerleader teams and made both, but didn’t have the dedication to go to all the practices. Tierney, however, took being on Ridgeway’s basketball and track teams seriously. She was the cutest little thing in her uniform. Tierney was tinier than me, but she was fierce and a force to be reckoned with. Every time I went to her games, I had to stop myself from covering her face with kisses and taking millions of pictures. Me and Jeremiah were always the loudest cheering in the stands.
Missing a year of her life probably hurt the most, but Tierney loved me too much to hold it against me. Like Jerry, she was just happy I was back and told me not to stay away for that long ever again.
“Has Tierney started talking about what college she wants to go to yet?”
Mom nodded as she took a sip of her homemade sweet tea. The southern belle was the epitome of class. I believe that’s why I was so heavy on my angry Black woman shit with Nova. I’d seen the effects of my father’s cheating on my mother, and I refused to let that be me.
“She wants to go to the University of Memphis.”
“Really?” My heightened voice displayed my surprise. “Why?”
Mom chuckled with a shake of her head. “I think she doesn’t want to be too far away from us, but she does want her independence. She wants to stay on campus.”
“Well, that’s good. UOM is a good school. I just want her to have her independence and experience life while she doesn’t have to worry about bills and being an adult who takes care of herself.”
“Same. Do you regret not going further away for school?”
I didn’t. Going to school in Rose Valley Hills was the time of my life. We moved there right before I started middle school, and I hated that, but I ended up meeting my crew, so it was worth it. Plus, Rose Valley Hills was a smaller and more fun version of Memphis. I loved having so many cool places to go and things to experience during my teenage and college years.
Dad ended up getting an opportunity to be a head surgeon at a hospital in Memphis, so they moved back right before my sophomore year of college. That must have been God, because shortly after, Grandma got sick and transitioned.
“Not really. I regret not traveling more and dating more, but I don’t regret going to college there.”
She looked over at me. “Is this about Nova?”
I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t. Since my conversation with Allegra, I’d been trying to find more responsibility for what happened. Holding myself accountable would dissolve the desire to make them pay—at least that’s what I told myself. Today’s narrative was that, if I’d traveled and dated more, I wouldn’t have fallen for my best friend. Even with that scenario, what happened had happened. Ididfall for Nova, we dwelled in that love for a while, and now… it was over.
“A little.”
“How did he respond to you being back?”
“He wants me back.”
