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“Yes, sweetheart,” came out more like permission than a response.
“We can’t do this.” He nibbled my top lip before pulling it into his mouth, and it was even harder that time to pull away. “I’ll be no better than her. I can’t be your other woman.”
“You can be my only woman.”
Though I could tell he was serious, the sentiment made me smile as I gently pushed him away.
“I should go.”
“What about dinner?”
“I um… I think I should go, Nova.”
Though my statement caused visible disappointment, Nova followed me back over to the table. I grabbed my purse from the hook, glad he didn’t try to stop me. Once I made it to my car, I couldn’t pull away immediately.
Because I didn’t want to leave him.
Did I want to leave the man that had cheated on me? Yes. Did I want to leave my friend? No. I wanted to stay, and talk, and laugh, and dance, and eat. And we couldn’t do those things anymore. That truth had tears falling from my eyes as I sobbed. I really sobbed. It felt like for the first time I was grieving the ending of our relationship.
Was this the start of my healing?
I wasn’t sure.
All I knew was, by the time I left the parking lot, I was empty… and it was the first time in the past year that I felt full.
13
Not long after I made it home last night, there was a knock on my door. When I opened it, I saw the to-go box from JD’s that held my salad. Nova was nowhere in sight, and I appreciated that. I ate my salad with a smile on my face, grateful for the progress it felt like we’d made.
I was in a good mood before work, so I stopped by my favorite bakery to grab some muffins since it was Monday. With enough to feed everyone at work that morning, I had my receptionist call the lead associates, who spread the word on their respective floors. The gesture wasn’t done for gratitude, but I appreciated the employees who took the time to find and thank me. When Nova did, he lingered longer for conversation. In no rush to send him away, I enjoyed talking to my old friend.
When we were together, we used to start our days watching a funny, warm show. It always put us in a good mood. We did the same thing at night before bed. I’m not sure how our conversation shifted to it, but we were talking about the time we binge watchedAmen. It was my first time watching the show, and I couldn’t believe how long I’d waited to give it a try. It turned out to be hilarious!
As we talked about the episode where Deacon Frye and Bess had gotten into an all-out brawl in his living room, Nova and I cracked up.
“Yo, that episode had me dying laughing. He was really going to war with her ass,” Nova said before covering his mouth as he laughed.
“And was losing too! I almost died when he hopped on her back.”
He licked his lips as our laughter died down while I leaned against the counter in the coffee room. Nova had convinced me to fix him a latte to go with his muffin, and I was okay with that. Knowing there was something that he could only get from me, even with us not being together, made me feel special.
“This is dangerous,” he reflected.
Though I was aware of what he was referring to, I wanted to hear him say it anyway. Nibbling my bottom lip, I cocked my head and looked up at him. It wasn’t my intention for my expression to make him smile, but it did. I couldn’t imagine what I looked like, but if my expression matched my thoughts… I was probably looking at him sweetly.
“What’s dangerous?”
“Reminiscing like this.”
“What makes that dangerous?”
Nova’s fingers caressed mine before he enveloped my hand with his. “It makes me want to create new memories with you.”
“We can, as friends.”
“Are you sure we can’t be more?” When he lifted my hand and kissed my palm, I did have a physical reaction. That didn’t last long.
I gritted my teeth as my heart pounded against my rib cage. Removing my hand from his, I tried to breathe deeply to calm down, but that didn’t work. Was this how he was with Tiffany while we were together? Did he flirt with her in the coffee room while I was in my office without any clue as to what he was up to? With a frustrated chuckle, I leaned against the refrigerator as I stared at him.
