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Ryan’s parents donot fully subscribe to his sudden interest in performative oration. But the email that Mr. Castor sent them appears to be legitimate, requesting Ryan’s presence in a match over an hour away. Ryan explains that a bad flu has knocked a number of the ordinary members out of contention, causing Mr. Castor to pull deep from the bench.
“But you don’t like speaking,” Ryan’s mother says, confounded.
“He does, however, like to argue,” Ryan’s father counters, satisfied with his own observation.
Permission is granted.
—
Ryan messages Averylater that night to tell him the news.
Mercifully, Avery is still free on Thursday.
They make plans to meet somewhere halfway between their towns. Their sixth date.
Ryan believes Avery is genuinely excited to meet again. But still, the electronic distance is there, the experience of words without voice, smiles without face. Ryan finds himself having to visualize the trail:My thoughts turn into words; the words go from my mind to my fingertips; my fingers touch the keys and the letters appear on the screen and split off into waves; the waves travel through my room to the wi-fi; they are converted into a different kind of wave that pulses through a network of wires that runs from my room to his; when the words get to his room, they leap from the wires, back into the air; his computer catches them and relays them to his eyes; his eyes take them in, and send them to his brain, where they go back from words into thoughts.In this way, he can imagine them still connected. In this way, the speed of words can overcome the pain of distance.
Three days. He only has to hang on for three more days.
—
He wants tosee his Aunt Caitlyn, who’s met Avery and liked Avery and will understand Ryan’s desire to be with Avery. She is the one person in his life who will be able to explain that the closer you get to a person, the more you leave behind with them when you have to be apart; the feeling of reunion that comes when you are back together is not only a reunion with the person you love, but also a reunion withthe part of yourself you left behind. If the love is worth its weight, then the part you’ve missed is one of your better, kinder, happier parts. Which is why you feel better, kinder, and happier when you’re together again.
Maybe this is why Ryan’s parents have told him he can’t go see her. They know Aunt Caitlyn will be sympathetic—in their mind, too sympathetic. He is allowed to call her exactly once, on Tuesday evening, because on Wednesday nights he often goes over to her house to watch a show they both like featuring drag queens and crime fighting. This Wednesday, she’ll have to record it for them to watch whenever his sentence is over.
“I’m so sorry,” Aunt Caitlin says when he calls to cancel.
“It’s okay,” Ryan tells her. There isn’t much else he can say; he’s on the kitchen phone, and his parents are sitting right there.
“You holding up?”
“Yup.”
Aunt Caitlin sighs. “I swear, if this lasts much longer, I’ll spring you myself.”
Ryan wants nothing more than that.
His mother coughs, motions that it’s time to hang up. This isn’t supposed to be a social call.
“I gotta go,” he tells his aunt.
“The water is wide, but your boat will come,” she assures him. “And I have a feeling it will hold another passenger.”
Ryan smiles, but not so much that his parents will see it. He hides most of it with the receiver as he says his goodbye.
—
Wednesday night doesn’tfeel like a night at all—it feels like anight before. He wants to get some sleep, but every time he comes close, excitement sings in his ear or anxiety peels open his eyes. He shifts positions, but fear is there to make his back ache, and when he shifts again, the intensity of his longing steals the covers away. When he pulls them back, the risk of it all makes him overheat.
I’m not wrong to want this,he keeps repeating to himself.
His heartbeat isn’t sure it agrees.
—
At breakfast thenext morning, his parents ask about his truck.
“I assume you’ll be taking a bus to the tournament,” his father says. “So you’ll just leave your truck in the high school parking lot.”
