AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Very comfy,he types.
The three dots take their time again. Ryan’s expecting a long paragraph to appear. But for over a minute, nothing does. And then there’s a single line:
They look really good on you,followed by a winking emoji.
Ryan chuckles.U think we should wear pajamas on our date?
This time, Avery’s response is quick.Haha. Maybe.
I can’t wait,Ryan tells Avery.
—
Even though hecould replay the conversation by reading it on his phone, Avery replays it in his head instead, after he and Ryan have gone back and forth saying goodnight and sweet dreams. If he replays it in his head, he can include all the stupid things he typed out and then deleted—What are you wearing under those pajamas?andDo you want to see MY pajamas?andI wish I was inside those pajamas.Trying to find a way to test if one thing could lead to another, even though there isn’t another spot he necessarily wants to arrive at. It’s Pope in his head, saying how every long-distance relationship has to have sex talk. He, Avery, doesn’t particularly want to have it. And Ryan doesn’t seem to want it, either. But shouldn’t two boyfriends lying in their own beds, texting last thing at night, want to get their pajamas off ? Isn’t that how it’s supposed to go?
Sweet dreams,Ryan wished him. But something sour has gotten into the night, keeping Avery awake, trying to figure out its source.
—
It would takeintense torture techniques to force Ryan to tell his parents he’s going out on a date with Avery on Saturday night, but Aunt Caitlin gets the story out of him within two minutes.
When he shows up at her door after school on Friday, he tells her hi and she responds by pulling him into a hug, a real hug.Inside this hug are the hours she wasn’t allowed to see him, all the words she wanted to say to her sister inprotest, all the words she held back because she knew they could lead to something irreparable. And when Ryan hugs her back, he is telling her how glad he is to be here, how he will never hold his parents’ actions against her, how he wishes this hug with her was what home was like, this welcome. The past weeks are in this hug, and the past sixteen years are in this hug. Which is why, when it’s over, nothing more needs to be said, except, “Come in, come in.”
Caitlin has set everything they need on her kitchen table: scissors, towels, dye, wide plastic bowl, brush, and comb. One of the kitchen chairs has its back to the table, facing the sink.
Ryan sits down, and as soon as Caitlin asks him how things are going, he finds himself talking about Avery, updating her about their last clandestine meeting and the plans for Saturday night. She’s brushing out his hair, taking in its current shape before determining the shape it needs to be.
“We’re boyfriends now,” Ryan tells her. Then he confesses, “But I’m not really sure what that means.”
Caitlin smiles, takes a towel from the table, and wraps it loosely around Ryan’s neck, tucked over his collar.
“What do you want it to mean?” she asks.
“I don’t know. I guess I want it to mean we’re both serious about wanting to be together. That each time we see each other, we’re less like strangers, and that if it keeps going, we won’t be strangers at all.”
Caitlin is glad she’s standing behind Ryan, glad he can’t see his words rise like flower buds in her heart. She has neverheard him say anything like this, has always hoped he’d feel this way for someone.
“That’s wonderful,” she says to him.
“It’s scary!” Ryan replies, laughing.
Caitlin puts her hand on his shoulder. “Oh, I know. The jitters are one of the less fortunate side effects of falling for someone. I like to think they’re there to keep you careful. Or maybe they make so much noise just so you appreciate it when they stop.”
“Do they stop?”
“Theytransform. Now hold still.”
She takes up the scissors and starts to trim. She doesn’t need to ask Ryan what kind of cut he wants. She knows.
Ryan sits in the chair and feels his aunt’s fingers pull and pick at different tufts, then the dry-grass snip of the scissors.
“I’m not sure how much advice you want from your straight old aunt, who’s never managed to put a ring on it…but the best advice I can give is to always be respectful. At the start, it’s easy to fall into the trap of wanting to be impressive. But most people aren’t looking for impressive—they’re looking for respectful, someone who listens as well as they speak, someone who wants to understand the things they don’t understand, rather than assuming they know how it is from the start. Also, you have to be a good kisser. But don’t worry—bad kissers don’t make it to the seventh date. Not if Avery has any sense.”
Ryan can feel himself blush. Caitlin’s giving him an opening here, if he wants to talk about kissing or anythingelse. And the truth is, he’d love to talk about it to someone, to make sure he’s not messing that part up, and that it makes sense that making out with Avery is so much better than making out with Isaiah was, because even though it was hot with Isaiah, there was always the nagging hitch of its meaninglessness. With Avery, it’s so much more meaningful, and that’s one of the things that’s scary and wonderful. He’d love to talk to someone about that. But he also doesn’t want to be the guy who talks to his aunt about kissing boys. So he keeps his mouth shut; his blush is the only public statement he’ll make on the matter.
Caitlin doesn’t expect him to talk to her about it, even though she wishes he would. She’s sure any sex lecture her brother-in-law had with his son would have dodged like birds and stung like bees. The only way she can think to counteract this is to make sure Ryan knows about the heart part, that whatever he does should come from a place of affection, not need or obligation.Respectfulis the best word she can find for it, but she also feels she’s emphasizing the bare minimum, not the full rush of it.
She has the radio playing, and when a Fleetwood Mac song comes on, Ryan starts to sing along quietly. Caitlin keeps cutting his hair, but inside she’s marveling at the moment. This is what she wants to convey to her nephew, the way that people are at their most vivid when they’re completely unguarded, and that’s what love brings—the ability to be unguarded around someone else, and to treasure how unguarded they are in return. But she knows this is not thetime to tell him that. She files it away for later, for when he’s not as open and needs to be.
