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After they kiss out one more goodbye, Ryan says, “Lord knows what my parents will think. I left without a tie and now I’m coming back wearing one. That can only mean trouble.”
He grins at Avery then, and holds the grin until they each get in their cars and drive away.
Both feel this particular practice has gone well.
The Abandoned Course
(the third date)
The last thing Ryan wants is for Avery to meet his parents. Half the problem is solved because his dad is out of the house. But his mom is the bigger problem, because while his father will happily ignore whatever’s in front of his face, his mom will ask questions.
Ryan’s head is still spinning from meeting Avery, and while he suspects what the answers to a lot of his own questions might be, he doesn’t feel like he can rely on any of them yet.
Not letting his parents into it is an act of self-preservation. Meaning: He is preserving the part of his self that he actually likes, because that seems to be the part that Avery likes, too.
His parents don’t bring out that part of him.
He knows he can’t just disappear from his house, so he’s told his mom that he and Alicia are doing something. The problem is that his mom knows what Alicia’s car looks like, so when Avery arrives, she’ll know something’s up.
Ryan understands he could have asked Avery to pickhim up somewhere else…but then Avery might have been the one with questions. And Ryan’s not ready to bring everything down by answering those questions yet.
About ten minutes before Avery’s supposed to get there, Ryan says goodbye to his mom and walks out the front door. Instead of waiting on the front walk, which is visible from at least four different rooms, he puts himself on the other side of the front hedges. It’s not complete camouflage, but it’s good enough.
His heart lifts a little when he sees Avery turn onto his street. Avery hasn’t even had time to shift to park before Ryan has the door handle in his hand. He jumps in and says, “Let’s go.”
But Avery doesn’t go. Instead he says he has to go.
“Could I go inside for a sec?” he asks. “I have to pee.”
Ryan knows it’s impossible for Avery to enter the house and get to the bathroom without his mother in some way intervening. Her maternal trip wire is too taut.
He feels there’s no way to say,I want today to be perfect, and if you pee in my house, the odds are too strong that it’ll spiral into something far from perfect.So instead he tells Avery, “We’ll find someplace else. I promise, it won’t be long.”
—
Avery isn’t comfortableenough with Ryan yet to say,Are you serious? I have topee. He also doesn’t want to explain that it’s much easier for him to use a private bathroom than a public one. Especially in a town like Kindling.
So he starts the car and pulls into the street, as instructed. He waits for some explanation about why he can’t go inside Ryan’s house, but none is forthcoming. He can’t help but wonder if Ryan is embarrassed by him, then tries to bury that thought.
“I have a plan,” Ryan says. “Are you up for a plan?”
Avery nods.
Ryan seems encouraged by this response. “Okay,” he says. “I’ve got this.”
Avery follows Ryan’s directions to a McDonald’s.
“That work?” Ryan asks.
Avery can’t say he’s exactly enthusiastic about peeing in a McDonald’s in a small town he doesn’t know. But it’s definitely better than nothing at this point.
Avery pulls into the parking lot. “You hungry?” he asks Ryan.
“Not yet. Not unless you’re hungry. I just figured you could pee here.”
Again, Avery doesn’t want to explain. So he gets out of the car, heads inside. He doesn’t make eye contact with anyone, but at the same time he feels unspecified eyes on him as he goes over to the men’s room. People behind the counter glaring because he hasn’t bought anything. People at tables staring because they know his destination and have some questions about that. Nobody has to be watching for Avery to feel watched. He is almost used to it, but will never truly get used to it, this feeling that he might be confronted at anymoment by assholes. Because assholes are everywhere, and they fundamentally don’t understand who Avery is.
He is relieved that it’s a one-stall bathroom, that he can lock the door and have privacy. He is also embarrassed by his relief, uncomfortable with the fact that he’s so uncomfortable. Ryan remains oblivious in the car. Avery envies that, and is also annoyed by it.
